SELF-ISOLATION, DAY 15, already

Time is flying by.

I am so used to having some kind of deadline; a date by which I need to do something. Most of these deadlines and goals or projects, things I want or need to do, either no longer exist or they exist only in my mind. Well, most things, all the stuff we want or think we have to do; most of this stuff just exists in our minds. But I guess we need to feel like someone or thing needs us to do, whatever. We need to be needed. Maybe that is just me. The hard part is maintaining my daily routine. I shower, brush my teeth, change clothes, do laundry, wash the dishes, and on…. I call people or email them or, WRITE MY ESSAYS! Or whatever this is called. That is probably one reason I do this. I started writing it and now I do not want to stop.

A good friend of mine who is a teacher for elementary school, went in to her school 6:30 this morning to help with distributing iPads, I believe, to parents. She is planning the curriculum, doing what she does very well, teaching her students. She has a whiteboard at home and will be livestreaming I think. When I was in elementary school I loved having little lined writing pads. I used to write with a pencil. I had never heard of a computer yet. How the times change. Anyway so she is navigating doing distant teaching of her students while her high school son does his online learning. She goes for walks. Another friend cares for dogs and cats of others, and drives friends to doctor’s appointments. So many people are doing so many things for someone else.

I see a lot of people walking and running where I live. I no longer run. I walk and I take my dog out sniffing. It is hard for me to stay focused but I keep at it everyday. The exercise and being outdoors helps me a lot. I am starting to formulate a new sort of vegetarian dish. It would not make “Top Chef.” But I have fun fantasizing about it. Other than that, I keep working my part-time grocery store job. Partly, helps me with my bills, and I have explained to some friends and others that I just planned my retirement poorly. No, didn’t do drugs or anything weird. Partly, it does give me a job to do, if I don’t do it someone else has to. Not heroic, just being busy doing something someone needs me to do. Sometimes in the evening the trucks start coming in and I help out unloading because they are often short-handed. Not how I planned my retirement, but it is ok. There is a comradery I feel. I may bs a bit with the driver, ask him how long it takes to drive down from Wisconsin. Then I grab a pallet jack and start unloading pallets. If there is a very heavy one, one of the young guys says no I’ll take it.

So, no intentions of practicing medicine again, but today I received a text message from the State of Illinois about “IllinoisHelps”, a program of registering medical personnel of all kinds for help in an emergency. Like now; or in 1 week; or 2. So, I may be too old, though I could likely do something. I have almost no idea. So I signed up. I never wanted to retire and “sit on the front porch with a glass of wine,” or whatever. I don’t know why. For me the meaning of my life is more and more to go where my soul leads me. I am trusting it. There are many who believe that “The Divine” is within all of us. God, whoever, whatever that might be, within us. So, as my wife was dying of cancer over 13 years ago I began to meditate and pray for guidance for wherever I should go. So, many wonderful things have happened and I have come to know some wonderful people.

I do not know where my soul is going. I am ok with that. As I have said, my beliefs are non-traditional. I think it is all more complicated than some kind of Heaven or Hell. I believe in Reincarnation and the Karma of responsibility for my actions. Ha! I tricked some of you into reading my spiritual stuff again. OK, I am joking and also not. I never know how my blog will turn out. I believe I have a soul and am responsible for it as well as my sister and brother souls, whether or not I like them. So, maybe I will just go on trying to take care of all the details and someday I will remember how bad the epidemic seemed back when. But if I need to do something else I am willing. I am not a hero. I cannot imagine as a firefighter running into a burning building. Or a cop who faces down someone with a gun to save unarmed people. Cannot imagine it. I just try to be true to my soul.

So, people, please, let us all remember what is important. Yes, we should be careful. I am not hoping to die soon. Tomorrow, if I do not die in my sleep, I will be 73! I still enjoy life. But important is where we should go with our lives and how we help those near us, or farther away.

So, Be safe, stay well, believe in the higher powers. We can do this together.

David, March 31, 2020