DEAR ABBY: When I was an unmarried 18-year-old, I had a child out of wedlock. Unsure that I could provide for him, I chose to place him for adoption so he would have a chance for a better life. This year, we connected through DNA. The reunion has been great, even though I choose to remain in the background because his mother is still living.

Would it be appropriate this fall and winter to include him in my holiday festivities as long as it doesn’t interfere with the time he should be spending with his family? And, after his mother passes away, what role should I play in his life? His father is deceased, and he and his adopted brother are estranged. — BIO MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR BIO MOM: Your son should have told his adoptive mother about the reunion, regardless of who initiated it. I think it would be better for everyone if she was included. A way to do that would be to thank her for taking such good care of your son and helping him to become the man he is today. I do not think secrecy is healthy. If it backfires, there will be deeply hurt feelings because of the subterfuge. At this point in your son’s life it’s too late for you to be his mommy. However, you CAN be a good friend, since his only family now is the woman who loved and raised him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for almost three years. He’s retired; I’m still working. He refuses to stay with me during the week because I need to go to bed early. I see him only on the weekends. Am I wrong for wanting him to stay with me during the week? I feel like we really don’t have a relationship. My previous boyfriends would stay with me every night. Am I doomed with this man? By the way, he’s been married four times. — WANTS MORE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WANTS MORE: Wake up. The man you have been dating isn’t going to change. He has struck out at marriage four times and may have “plans” during the week that do not include staying with a “Sleeping Beauty.” If you want more companionship than what you’re getting, you are going to have to seek it elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married. Her father and I never married, but legally he’s listed as her father. For the past 40 years she has used my last name. Well, her wedding invitation arrived today and her father’s name is on it. Mine isn’t even mentioned!

My parents and I raised her. Her dad was around but never an active father. I raised her, but he gets the glory and the privilege of walking her down the aisle? She says I’m being “a wacko.” Must I accept this and let it go? I feel so hurt that I really don’t want to go to the wedding. — LOVING, LEFT-OUT MOM

DEAR MOM: I understand your feelings. If you haven’t asked your daughter why she chose to do this, you should. At the least, you deserve an explanation. Please understand that if you refuse to go to her wedding, it could create a permanent rift. There may be grandchildren and milestones you also could miss. Of course, the decision is yours to make, but since you asked me to weigh in, I’m suggesting you take the high road, attend and support your daughter on “her” day.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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Herbed walnut potato salad

Makes 8 servings

Preparation time: 15 minutes

Cooking time: 20 to 25 minutes

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds small Yukon gold potatoes

1 1/2 pounds small red potatoes

1 medium red bell pepper, chopped

3/4 cup green onions, sliced

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup white balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

1/4 teaspoon coarse salt (or to taste)

Freshly ground black pepper to taste

1 cup California walnuts, toasted and coarsely chopped

2 tablespoons snipped fresh basil

Quarter potatoes and place in a large saucepan fitted with a steamer basket. Steam for 20 to 25 minutes or until potatoes are tender when pierced with a sharp knife; set aside to cool. Add bell pepper and green onions. Whisk together olive oil, vinegar, mustard, salt and black pepper and drizzle over potatoes and vegetables; lightly toss to coat with dressing, then cover and refrigerate until ready to serve (at least 1 hour). Just before serving, stir in walnuts and basil.

Note: Salad may be prepared a day in advance, but add the walnuts and basil just before serving for the best flavor and texture.

Per serving: 239 calories, 4 grams protein, 17 grams fat (60% calories from fat), 1.9 grams saturated fat, 21 grams carbohydrate, no cholesterol, 110 milligrams sodium, 4 grams fiber.

Carb count: 1.5.

Three-bean chili

Makes 6 servings

Preparation time: about 20 minutes

Cooking time: less than 15 minutes

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 medium chopped onion

2 cloves garlic

3 tablespoons chili powder

2 medium chopped red, orange or yellow bell peppers

1 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and sliced 1/4 inch crosswise

1 (14.5-ounce) can undrained fire-roasted diced tomatoes

1 (8-ounce) can no-salt-added tomato sauce

1/4 cup ketchup

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1 (15-ounce) can rinsed reduced-sodium black beans

1 (15-ounce) can small white beans

1 (15-ounce) can red kidney beans

Shredded 50% light cheddar cheese for garnish.

Heat oil in a Dutch oven on medium. Add onion, garlic and chili powder; cook 3 minutes. Add peppers and zucchini; cook 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Stir in tomatoes, tomato sauce, ketchup and oregano. Cook 8 minutes. Gently stir in all beans. Cover; cook 3 minutes. Ladle into bowls; garnish with cheese.

Per serving: 275 calories, 15 grams protein, 3 grams fat (9% calories from fat), 0.5 gram saturated fat, 55 grams carbohydrate, no cholesterol, 560 milligrams sodium, 18 grams fiber.

Carb count: 3.5.

Chipotle chicken pasta

Makes about 8 cups

Preparation time: 15 minutes

Cooking time: about 12 minutes plus pasta

INGREDIENTS

8 ounces whole-wheat rotelle or rotini pasta

1 tablespoon canola oil

1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into 1-inch pieces

1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 (14.5-ounce) can drained diced tomatoes

3/4 cup whole milk

2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, seeded and chopped

1/4 teaspoon coarse salt

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro

Cook pasta according to directions; drain, reserving 1/2 cup pasta water. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet on medium until hot. Add chicken; cook 5 minutes, stirring once or twice. Add onion and garlic; cook 3 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, milk, chipotles and salt. Simmer, uncovered, 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cilantro. Toss pasta with sauce; add reserved water as needed to thin sauce.

Per cup: 243 calories, 23 grams protein, 5 grams fat (19% calories from fat), 1.1 grams saturated fat, 26 grams carbohydrate, 57 milligrams cholesterol, 315 milligrams sodium, 4 grams fiber.

Carb count: 2

Grilled pork chops

Marinate 4 (3/4-inch-thick) boneless pork chops in 3/4 cup Italian dressing and 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 20 minutes to overnight. Grill chops (discard marinade), turning once, 8 to 11 minutes or until internal temperature reaches 145 degrees.

Strawberry shortcake trifle

In a large bowl, mix together 1 quart sliced strawberries and 1/4 cup sugar. In a medium bowl, stir together 8 ounces frozen whipped topping (thawed) and 1/3 cup strawberry topping (such as Smuckers). Cut a marbled or other pound cake (13 ounces) into 1-inch cubes. Place half the cake cubes in a large glass bowl. Spoon half the berries and juice evenly over cake. Spread half the topping over berries. Repeat once. Cover and refrigerate 4 hours to overnight. Garnish with more berries, if desired.

Taco dogs

Cook 8 lowest-fat lowest-sodium hot dogs in boiling water; drain. In a microwave-safe bowl, combine 1 cup canned vegetarian refried beans, 1 cup 50% light shredded cheddar cheese and 1/2 cup mild salsa; mix well. Cover and microwave on high (100 percent power) 2 minutes or until heated; stir once. Spread mixture on 1 side of 8 (8-inch) flour tortillas; place hot dogs on tortillas. Top dogs with shredded lettuce and chopped tomatoes, and roll.

Baked Dijon tilapia

Heat oven to 350 degrees. In a small bowl, mix 1 tablespoon each Dijon mustard and olive oil, 1 tablespoon chopped fresh dill, 1/2 teaspoon pepper and 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder. Spread mixture over top of four 6-ounce tilapia fillets. Sprinkle each fillet with some panko breadcrumbs and sliced almonds. Bake 12 minutes or until tilapia is opaque throughout.

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A 29-year-old man has been charged with first-degree murder in connection with a fatal shooting in April in Back of the Yards.

Cory Wilson was charged with felony counts of first-degree murder, attempted first-degree murder, aggravated discharge of a firearm and three counts of being in possession of a controlled substance, according to Chicago police.

Ricky Shipman, 35, and another man were in a parked car about 10:30 p.m. that day, in the 1500 block of West Garfield Boulevard, when someone opened fire, police and the Cook County medical examiner’s office said.

Shipman was shot in the chest and taken to Holy Cross Hospital, where he was pronounced dead, authorities said.

The other man, 38, was taken to the University of Chicago Medical Center in fair condition with a gunshot wound to the ankle, police said.

Wilson was arrested Monday in the 6700 block of South Damen Avenue, after being identified as the person who allegedly fired the fatal shots, police said.

He is due in bond court Tuesday.

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Sixteen people were shot Monday in Chicago, including a 27-year-old man who was shot in Marquette Park on the Southwest Side.

About 9:50 p.m, he was in the 6400 block of South Kedzie Avenue, when someone walked up to him, yelled a gang slogan and fired shots, Chicago police said. He was struck in the chest, twice in the shoulder, once in the armpit, and taken to Christ Hospital in Oak Lawn, where his condition was stabilized.

Four people, including a 16-year-old boy, were shot in Uptown on the North Side. They were on the sidewalk about 7:10 p.m. when a vehicle pulled near and someone from inside opened fire in the 4500 block of North Sheridan Road, police said. The teen boy was shot in the buttocks and self-transported to Weiss Memorial Hospital in good condition. Two men, 19 and 26, were also struck in the buttocks, and they were taken to Illinois Masonic Medical Center in serious condition. A 31-year-old was struck in the struck in the shoulder and self-transported to Weiss Memorial Hospital in good condition.

Minutes prior, two men were wounded in a drive-by in West Englewood. They were on the sidewalk about 7 p.m. in the 5600 block of South Racine Avenue when someone inside a vehicle fired shots, police said. A 34-year-old man was shot in the face and was taken to the University of Chicago Medical Center in serious condition. The other, 28, was struck in the leg and taken to St. Bernard Hospital, where he was stabilized.

A 16-year-old boy was wounded in a shooting Monday evening in Humboldt Park on the West Side. The shooting happened about 5:40 p.m. in the 800 block of North St. Louis Avenue, police said. The teen suffered a gunshot wound to the right thigh and went to Norwegian Hospital, where he was listed in good condition.

Two men were wounded in a shooting in Englewood on the South Side. Just before 2 p.m., the men, 30 and 32, were on the sidewalk in the 7400 block of South Stewart Avenue when a dark-colored vehicle pulled up and someone inside fired shots, police said. The younger man suffered gunshot wounds to both legs, and the older man was struck in the foot.

A man was arrested after allegedly shooting another man during an argument in the Englewood neighborhood. Police said the 42-year-old gunman opened fire about 9:50 a.m., in the 6000 block of South Racine Avenue, because he thought the other man was armed. The victim, 28, was shot twice in his abdomen and taken to the University of Chicago Medical Center. His condition stabilized.

In the day’s first reported shooting, two people were shot in Washington Park on the West Side. A man and woman, 22 and 18, were found with gunshot wounds about 12:25 a.m. in the 5500 block of South Michigan Avenue, police said. The man was shot in the head and taken to University of Chicago Medical Center, where he was listed in critical condition. The woman was grazed in the back and also taken to the hospital, where she was listed in good condition.

Three others were wounded in citywide.

Seven people were killed, and thirty-nine others were wounded, in shootings across Chicago last weekend.

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Moon Alert

Avoid shopping or making important decisions from 4 a.m. to 2 p.m. Chicago time. After that, the moon moves from Pisces into Aries.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Double check information pertaining to your job. Likewise, make sure details related to your health are correct or that misunderstandings are not present. Confusion related to your pet might also be present. (Be aware of this.)

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

An element of confusion might be present when dealing with your kids. Likewise, some confusion might arise with social plans or something to do with sports events. To be on the safe side, double check your details. Know what’s happening.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Your ruler Mercury is opposite fuzzy Neptune, which can promote confused communications within the family or confused communications regarding real estate or anything to do with your home. This is nothing to worry about. It’s simply a little warning to double check details.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You might spend a lot of time daydreaming or being lost in a fantasy world. That’s OK because we all need days like this. Chalk it up to a mental health day. However, conversations with daily contacts, siblings and relatives might be subject to misunderstandings. Be aware of this.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Many areas are a bit confusing for most people, but the area where you might encounter confusion is related to earnings, cash flow, money and your possessions. Well, you certainly don’t want to lose money over a silly decision, do you? Double check what others tell you so that you know what you’re dealing with.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In discussions with partners and close friends today, it’s easy to have a slight misunderstanding or to hear someone incorrectly. If you have a hint that this might be the case, don’t ignore it. Instead, make sure that your communications with others are clear on both ends.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Some mild confusion and misunderstandings might take place at work or with work colleagues. Be aware of this. In other words, if you have some hesitancy or you wonder what’s going on, stop and clarify things. Assume nothing.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

When talking to younger people today or people in groups and organizations, someone might make an assumption or they might not clearly understand what you are saying. Naturally, this work both ways. Therefore, make an extra effort today to be understood.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Today there could be confusion when dealing with bosses, parents, teachers, VIPs and the police. You might misunderstand what they expect of you. Or vice versa, they might misunderstand what you’re saying. Be aware of this possibility so that everything will run smoothly. Be smart.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

This is a classic day to daydream about faraway places and future travel possibilities. “What if? What if?” Another thing to be aware of is you might fall for some fancy rhetoric that is political or religious and be fooled by someone. (It’s OK to have your head in the clouds if you keep your feet on the ground.)

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Make sure there is no confusion in discussions about inheritances, shared property, insurance matters, taxes and debt because this is possible today. That’s because Mercury, the planet of communication, is opposing fuzzy Neptune. Hint: If you think something fishy is going on, it is!

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Today Mercury, the planet of communication is opposite your ruler Neptune in your sign. This is the classic combo for confused communications or mixed-up assumptions. Be extra clear in all your discussions with others.

If Your Birthday Is Today

Comedian Dave Chappelle (1973) shares your birthday. You’re intelligent and a great communicator. Because you’re full of ideas, you are a stimulating conversationalist. You need others to be your audience, which is why you enjoy the company of others. Partnerships are important to you. This year, take some time for some self-scrutiny so that you can define what is important to you and your happiness. Relationships will matter.

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It had been a while since ”Go, Cubs, Go” had blared over the speakers at Wrigley Field. But after a franchise-record 13 home losses in a row, the Cubs broke the skid with a bang, courtesy of Rafael Ortega.

Ortega played hero for the Cubs on Monday, with his walk-off, two-run home run in the ninth inning lifting them to a 6-4 victory against the Rockies.

”It’s no secret that we haven’t won [at home] recently,” Ortega said afterward. ”We haven’t been doing very well. But that just shows the fight that we have, the hunger that we come in [with] every day, trying to prepare to go out and get a win.”

Ortega’s heroics were set up when the Cubs clawed back from a 4-1 deficit in the eighth. Patrick Wisdom had an RBI single and another run scored on a double-play grounder by David Bote before Michael Hermosillo tied the scored with a run-scoring double.

Pinch hitter Jason Heyward got the ninth going with a leadoff single to left. After Matt Duffy struck out, Ortega walked to the plate with a chance to win the game.

He got ahead of Rockies closer Daniel Bard, working a 3-1 count. He then thought he had worked a walk when the fifth pitch of the at-bat ran up and in, but umpire Jeff Nelson called it a strike, bringing Ortega back to the plate.

”I was there in the batter’s box thinking, ‘Fastball could come here, but don’t forget that the slider could be there, that breaking stuff,’ ” Ortega said. ”So I was just looking out for that in that situation.”

The called strike gave Ortega one more chance to do damage, and when he got his pitch to hit, he didn’t miss it. He crushed a hanging slider for a no-doubt homer just below the video board in right field to send the Cubs home victorious.

”I don’t think I’ve smiled in a while after a game,” manager David Ross said. ”It was nice.”

”What a moment for [Rafael],” said right-hander Kyle Hendricks, who allowed four runs in seven innings. ”That was awesome. Awesome to see. Awesome to hear the fans, the home crowd, and give them a win here.”

Ortega has been one of the bright spots in an otherwise-miserable second half for the Cubs. His homer not only gave the team a reason to celebrate, but it continued what has been a career season for the 30-year-old outfielder.

”It’s actually funny,” Ortega said. ”I had that game where I hit three home runs against Washington, and I wasn’t thinking about hitting a home run. But I just knew [in] the ninth inning that I was batting third in the order, and I just had a feeling that if I could get up there, stay patient and wait for the right pitch, I thought that I could hit a home run.

”Once that ball hit the bat and it was going, I just gave thanks to God. I just felt like I knew, and it just felt great.”

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A firefighter and three other people were injured in a building fire Monday night in South Shore.

Just after 7 p.m., firefighters reponded to a call of a blaze at an apartment building in the 6900 block of South Clyde Avenue, according to Chicago Fire Department Deputy Chief Frank Velez.

The back of the building, including the stairwell, was engulfed in flames, Velez said. Firefighters entered the building and helped guide residents that were trapped inside out to safety.

Three adults were transported to the University of Chicago Medical Center with smoke inhilation injuries, Velez said.

A firefighter, who injured their leg on the stairs, was also taken to the University of Chicago Medical Center in good condition, he said.

The cause of the fire wasn’t immediately known.

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If the Bears’ miserable performance Saturday against the Bills at Soldier Field was a hint of what’s coming, head for the hills.

Try Costa Rica. Or New Zealand. Have a cool drink. Forget football. Come back next spring and enjoy a fresh Bears ”rebuild.”

If that 41-15 thrashing meant anything, you almost can write the script for 2021: Veteran Andy Dalton will get benched, young Justin Fields will start and eventually get demolished (see ominous blindside hit from Bills linebacker Andre Smith, for example), the Bears’ defense will implode, assistant coaches will get fired, fans will boo and possibly wear bags on their heads and chairman George McCaskey will say ”Mama Bear” Virginia McCaskey is ”pissed off.” Again.

You know the drill. You’ve seen it before.

Big expectations turn into little results.

It’s hard to say what was most dispiriting about the game, in which the Bears fell behind 28-0 in the first half.

It might have been Dalton’s first few three-and-outs.

It might have been the much-lauded Bears defense seeming to prefer bumper cars to tackling.

It might have been the running game, which barely crawled.

It might have been the coaching, from head man Matt Nagy down to whoever is supposed to teach Fields how to buckle his chinstraps tightly.

It might have been — and I shudder even to suggest such lunacy — overconfidence by the Bears, for reasons that must escape any sane human being.

But whatever the malaise was, it was perhaps best captured by the sparkling performance of visiting Bills quarterback Mitch Trubisky, who returned to Chicago for the first time since being all but run out of town on a donkey in the spring.

Trubisky passed for 221 yards and led four touchdown drives for the Bills — in the first half. And he did much of it against the Bears’ alleged first-string defense.

And he’s not even the Bills’ starting quarterback!

Something was so wrong here that it was nearly philosophical, like a new postulate that expands in circles until it smacks you in the face.

What if Bears general manager Ryan Pace didn’t merely mess up one or two quarterback choices (i.e., drafting Trubisky so high in 2017, signing Dalton as a starter this year) or even made a third bad choice (trading for Nick Foles as a supposed starter in 2020)?

What if he also screwed up by dumping Trubisky precisely when he was blooming?

What if — true horror — simply being a Bears quarterback means doom? What if Nagy doesn’t know how to get the full potential from a quarterback, any quarterback?

OK, it was only a preseason game. And it has been said over and over that they’re just dressed-up practices. The Bears’ offensive line was a patchwork thing, and lots of starters were out. All that matters is the regular season, with healthy players. These sideshows don’t mean much, etc.

And maybe Trubisky was all fired up in revenge mode. Still, he had nothing but nice things to say before and after the game, including, ”I love the people of Chicago.”

Yet it was Nagy himself who said the obvious: ”There was more that wasn’t good than good.”

Of the blast from Smith that sent his helmet flying — thank God, without his head in it — Fields said: ”Hey, man, I learned from that.”

Brother, we hope so. You’re supposed to learn in the preseason. And as former Bears quarterback Jay Cutler used to say with annoying frequency about mistakes, you ”clean it up” and move on.

You just wonder whether the Bears’ problems are able to be cleaned up.

A quarterback can’t solve all a team’s problems. The defense has to stop somebody.

Fields has great potential. His running ability and pure speed give him an edge that can’t be taught. But as dynamic as he looked in the first preseason game against the Dolphins, he seemed to come back to earth Saturday.

Losing by 26 points at home isn’t good for morale under any circumstance. The hope is the Bears were embarrassed and come out with new drive from here on.

Trubisky shocked us with his excellence. But bad play at this stage isn’t fatal, either. Consider that so far this preseason, the Chiefs’ Patrick Mahomes has completed only 55% of his passes for 82 yards, no touchdowns, an interception and a 44.2 passer rating.

And he’s all-world.

Right now in Chicago, we’d take the Bears just being all-Illinois.

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