What have we adults done to deserve them? The children. The pure, enigmatic, creative, spiritual, insightful, always hungry, and sometimes stinky little beings. The tiny humans that will grow to, hopefully, be better humans than we are. Better adults than we are. If we only gauge our behavior in accordance with how we are reflected back to ourselves through their eyes, they can teach us so much. We need to listen more to these tiny humans, or even listen more to our own childhood selves.
But who can remember anything about what it felt like to be a child? What it felt like to be loved unconditionally by your parents. What it felt like to be protected from the scariness that is the world out there. I wonder, now that I am the unconditional lover, the protector, am I doing a good job? Hopefully. And as I watch my own career prospects dwindle in front of my eyes because of it, I wonder, am I doing too much? Is that a thing? Could I have reigned in my love, my desire to protect my children enough to allow myself space in the world?
I reassure myself, as I watch my student debt burden paradoxically grow every time I make a payment, that I’ve done what needed to be done. I did what I had to do for the love and safety of my children. And I expect nothing in return. That’s not exactly true. I do expect respect. I do expect a modicum of love in return. I do expect to see what I’ve put in come out in their interactions with the world.
When my twins were tiny, tiny babies they weren’t supposed to be here. They came into the world 8 weeks early. We had to wait forever for them to hit each of their milestones. The milestone that seemed like they made us wait forever for, however, was the first smile. I can’t remember when you’re supposed to get your first smile from baby (don’t tell my inner judgmental self that I should have all of this on the tip of my tongue from med school), but I remember we had to wait a really freakin’ long time. Months. For months, we fed, diapered, woke up in the middle of the night, endured crying spells that persisted despite everything we did to quell them. That’s all the little beings did: eat, poop, sleep, cry, and demand. And dutiful parents, we jumped to answer every demand.
Then one day, it was like they realized that we, their dutiful parents, were entities that existed outside of themselves. Perhaps they considered that it would possibly be a good thing to acknowledge those entities that had kept them alive thus far. The twins took measure of their parents hearts and souls and decided (after some discussion with each other, I’m sure) that the action of recognition that would bring the most bang for their baby bucks would be the elusive smile.
Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash
So that’s what they gave us. A smile. And that smile melted their parents hearts, melted their parents souls even more than they had already melted. I exist, said the mom. I matter, said the dad. And that’s all I ever expected in return. Even today, 10 years on, when said twins are testing their boundaries, becoming their own people, to get that elusive smile in response to something I said or did brings it all back. There’s a reason I’m doing this. There’s a reason I’m doing every single damn thing I do. And that reason is the smile that just appeared, now disappeared. You’d do everything you can to make that smile appear again.
Then the world outside comes crashing down. The world around those precious smilers comes tumbling down all at once (for them, anyway, you knew the guise of a stable society was just that and was destined to come crashing down). You wonder, what did we do to deserve this. We were here, eking out smiles. We were here, fighting for what was right the whole time, just so we could continue to see those smiles. And not only so we could see and protect our precious smiles, but so others could enjoy their own precious smiles as well.
It dawns on you then, that there are people in the world who aren’t doing every damn thing they do to get a smile from a beloved child. There are people out there who could care less if your child smiles or cries. Or lives or dies, for that matter. People that would (and do) profit off the deaths of other people’s precious smilers. And your heart begins to race, not only because you’re angry, but also because you’re scared. You’re scared that you haven’t done enough (but what else could you have done?). You’re scared because for the first time in your 40 years on the planet, for the first time you really realize that the villains in every superhero movie or science fiction book you ever read are real people, not just characters on a page that someone made up to illustrate the possible depravity of mankind if left to its own devices.
But what made you, you? What made you a person who would never find anything good in creating an anti-smile in a child. You were left to your own devices, weren’t you? You grew up, you learned lessons, you got bullied, maybe did some bullying yourself just to feel what it felt like (not good). What is it that prevented you from fully exploring your villainous ways?
Anyway, back to the children. They won’t be children forever. And I have hope for their future. They’ll make it something better. What else can they make of all the shit the adults have put them through in their fragile little lives? School shootings, manifesting in active shooter or intruder drills, coronavirus, Trump being an absolute warthog of a human (I’m sorry for insulting all the warthogs out there). Their parents struggling with debt, questioning their own self-worth, oscillating between drinking coffee and drinking wine just to keep up and slow down, to turn off the thoughts that consume you at the end of the day because society is fucking falling right goddamn apart in front of your very own eyes!
Keep it together, mom. You have to. For the children.
As I look out on the sea of toy Civil War soldiers my son has set up on the kitchen island, recreating some battle or another (and yes, he’s very specific in his kitchen table battle re-enactments), I wonder what really does go on inside his head. Two groups of soldiers: Confederates and Union soldiers pointing their archaic weapons at each other. Does he make them talk? What do they say? Does he know how relevant this battle is still to this day? He must. He sees it play out when he sits with his parents watching the nightly news. Confederate flags flying in northern states protesting abortion, gun control, and most recently protesting lockdown orders to protect the people living in this world from getting a deadly virus. What is it that these people today have in common with those people back then? A way of life? Perhaps. An economy dependent on slave labor? Not likely, as it seems these are the very people who are most being exploited by low-wage (or no) jobs, lack of healthcare, and lack of quality education. Have those people, then and now, been duped by those in power into thinking this is about them? Unequivocally, yes.
I’ve made it a point, when speaking about the Civil War with my son, to always make clear that the frontlines of Confederate soldiers were not the owners of the plantations, were not the owners of the slaves. The frontline Confederate soldiers were the poorest of them. Looking for a hot meal, perhaps a wage, a place to take out their anger at being left behind. Some of those wealthier Confederates that had been conscripted even outright paid other, poorer men to take their place for them in the fight. It’s the same today.
But I digress.
My daughter often catches me staring at her. She says it’s creepy. Half the time I don’t realize I’m doing it. (And half the time I’m doing it on purpose to annoy her.) The reason, in my heart of hearts, that I get lost in looking at her is that I find her (and her brother) to be the most beautiful creatures on earth. My eyes delight upon the sight of her face, the sight of the beautiful, strong young lady she has become and I see her future there. Well, I don’t exactly see her future. I wish for her future. I wish her a future of what the millions of young people who have had to endure what the adults in power have put them through and have put their parents through can dream up. I know they’re dreaming of something better I just know it. And it’s a future none of us can even begin to imagine.
But sometimes my mind turns dark, dystopian. And I think of all the possible ways I can prepare her for a future that’s even more bleak than the present. This scares me. Because I know I will not be able to adequately prepare her. But I know what can. Books.
Books are most likely the reason why the majority of us aren’t freaking out right now. Why most of us aren’t taking to the streets with our Confederate flags, protesting lockdown orders designed to protect us. (Seriously, how would these lockdown protesters have responded to air raid sirens in World War II Britain? “I will not let the government control me. I will not black out my windows. I will not take shelter. I will stand outside with a red target painted on the top of my head.” Ugh. I can’t even.) Honestly, it would really be one thing if the only people the lockdown protesters were endangering were themselves, but unfortunately, they’re putting innocent, vulnerable people at risk in the process.
But where was I?
Oh yes. Books. Books have prepared us for this moment. We’ve read and read so much about so many worlds and so many problems and met so many people, none of which have ever existed outside of an author’s, and our collective, mind. Books are the rehearsal for real life. And not only books. TV shows, movies, video games, stories of all kinds. These are the things we consume that prepare us to face the unexpected. Allow our minds to live through situations and circumstances. Allow us to make up and act out our own stories. Allow us to gauge our behavior before we even have to think about taking any real action at all. Our very childhoods have prepared us for this moment.
So then I’m left to wonder, what happened in the childhoods of those who seek the anti-smile from our beautiful children? Were they not allowed to let their minds wander free through the stories of others. Were they not allowed to make up and journey through their own imagined realities? Were they not allowed to see the infinite permutations their actions could result in? Were they not allowed to envision how things could be beautiful, not only for them, but for everyone? Were they not privileged enough to see what happened when they gave their parents that first smile? Or did they not get the reaction they were looking for? Did that smile not bring appreciation of the beautiful, tiny, helpless beings they were? What a horrifying existence that must have been as a baby, as a child, and must still be as an adult.
I’ve rambled on quite a bit here, but I’m not quite done yet. Near the beginning of the lockdown, during the first week or two, my twins were in the front yard kicking the soccer ball back and forth. The ball rolled out into the street straight into the path of an oncoming delivery truck. My kids are both aware enough to know you don’t go running out into the street after a ball, so they stood at the curb as they watched what they thought may be a tragedy for their soccer ball. But no tragedy ensued. The delivery guy stopped his truck, unbuckled his seatbelt, got out of the truck, and kicked the ball back to the kids. In that moment two things happened. First, my kids were blown away by this tiny act of kindness. “Thank you,” they yelled, smiles taking over their faces. “He’s so nice,” I heard my daughter reflect aloud through the closed windows. At that moment, both the kids internalized the delivery man’s kindness. Whether they remember the moment or not, they’ll remember how it made them feel and they will likely go out of their way as adults to bring a smile to the face of child.
The second thing that happened was that the delivery driver was taken back to his own childhood. Did someone perform a simple act of kindness that impacted him and made him smile when he was 10? Did someone do they opposite and, after internalizing how that made him feel, did he vow to go out of his way never to make a child feel the way he felt? We’ll never know the answer to that.
But I think we’ve discovered the answer to how we can all make society a better place. With every action we take, we can think whether or not that action would make it more likely that a child somewhere in the world would be able to share their beautiful smile with those they love. Idealistic, I know. But actions create re-actions that are amplified throughout the world.
So what can we do to make the world a better place? We can offer our stories, offer our children opportunities to rehearse for the future, allow them opportunities to smile. We can do this by making sure they have quality education, healthcare, good nutrition, ample housing, and love. We must keep fighting the good fight. Be well.
These limericks are all pure. It is the topic that is unfortunately obscene!
Dr. Fauci and Pritzker suggesting
That my lab should be doing some testing
But we can’t get machines
By any old means
I’m just worn out from all my requesting!
The virtual meetings are endless
While on transportation we spend less
Please use Facetime or Zoom
To dispel all your gloom
Or else you might end up as friendless.
It’s legal now to smoke chronic
The best stuff is grown hydroponic
But since COVID requires
I control my desires
I’ll stick to a cold Gin & Tonic.
Campaigning is tough for Joe Biden
But there’s something he’s got to decide in
He must choose his VP
A she, not a he
The White House someday she’ll preside in.
The downtown streets are all empty
But getting there just doesn’t tempt me
The rats are emerging
In big waves they’re converging
Don’t want them to all rub against me.
The swans on our pond are reposing
How many eggs in their nest not disclosing
They really can’t care less
About our COVID 19 mess
For them, it’s the geese they’re opposing.
We spend lots of time doing puzzles
While coffee and tea we both guzzle
The crosswords are tough
And Sudoku’s enough
To exercise every brain muscle.
If it’s in our house we have cleaned it
We have dusted and polished and sheened it
But to our great dismay
From March up till May
There is no one around who has seen it.
If you’re on the front lines we extoll you
Don’t want anything bad to control you
In your jobs please be safe
Though those face masks do chafe
You don’t need a virus to mole through.
Or if you prefer haiku. And as always, be safe out there!
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Hi! I am Les, a practicing pathologist living in the North Suburbs and commuting every day to the Western ones. I have lived my entire life in the Chicago area, and have a pretty good feel for the place, its attractions, culture, restaurants and teams. My wife and I are empty-nesters with two adult children and a grandchild. We recently decided to downsize, but just a bit! I will be telling the story of the construction of our new home, but also writing about whatever gets me going on a particular day. Be sure to check out the “About” page to learn more about where we plan to go with this blog!
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo says he can envision baseball games being played without fans this summer at Yankee Stadium and the Mets’ Citi Field.
“Be creative. Try to figure it out,” the Democrat said during his briefing Sunday. “But if players could get paid more than staying home and owners would get some revenue versus total shutdown, why not? I’d love to watch.”
Cuomo says he has spoken with owners of professional sports teams, but he did not identify which ones. They would have to make the economics work without gate revenue but with broadcast revenue.
“It would have to be up to them, that they do an economic analysis that says, yeah, some revenue is better than no revenue, and my players are willing to negotiate a contract reduction,” Cuomo said. “Everybody has to think outside the box, right? Because there is no box.”
AUBURN HILLS, UNITED STATES: Grant Hill of the Detroit Pistons (L) and Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls (R) fight for a loose ball in the first quarter of their 13 April game at the Palace in Auburn Hills, Michigan. (Photo credit should read MATT CAMPBELL/AFP via Getty Images)
The Last Dance continues to go over the 1997-98 ChicagoBulls team. It goes over how defeating the Detroit Pistons early on was huge.
The Chicago Bulls had to overcome some adversity before they were able to take the next step and ultimately become one of the great dynasties in North American sports. The biggest was the elite team that was the Detroit Pistons. It happens all the time in sports before teams become great. They need to overcome a team that was elite before them to get to that level.
The Detroit Pistons were known as the “Bad Boys” for a reason. They, similarly to the Bulls, had to get passed the Boston Celtics in order to get to where they were. Well, they did and won the NBA title in 1989 and 1990. They went through the Bulls in both title runs and a total of three straight seasons.
The Last Dance documentary on ESPN had episode three debut on Sunday night. It focused on Dennis Rodman‘s role in the Chicago Bulls run. Well, he played for the Pistons during those days that they were the “Bad Boys” team before he came to Chicago. He was super important to their second run of titles but he was on the other side for the first half. Then in episode four, there was more detail given about how the Bulls-Pistons rivalry reaching new heights.
Well in 1991, the Chicago Bulls finally slew the dragon. They remarkably went from losing to them in three straight postseasons tournaments to sweeping them in the 1991 Eastern Conference Finals. The Bulls finally got past the arch-rival team that made life hard on them for years. They took that beating they put on the Pistons and used the momentum to defeat Magic Johnson and the Los Angeles Lakers for Chicago’s first-ever NBA title.
Michael Jordan and company defeating the Magic and the Lakers were certainly cool and he was finally on his level in terms of being an all-time great but beating the Pistons was the key. Isiah Thomas and most of his teammates couldn’t even stay on the court and shake hands with their opponent that just owned them. The Pistons, as a result of all this, are now one of the most hated teams in Chicago sports history. Since sweeping them in that series, the Bulls have gone on to win six titles and the Pistons only have one.
The selection of newly ChicagoBears tight end Cole Kmet drew a mixed reaction from fans.
On one end you have some Chicago Bears fans that love the pick and think that the team got a high caliber talent at the tight end position. On the other end you have a group of fans that feel that the general manager blew this pick. No matter how we feel about the pick, what is done is done.
Despite the high volume of TEs on the depth chart, the position was a need based on the quality of personnel. The Bears signed Jimmy Graham to be the move TE in head coach Matt Nagy’s offense. The In-line TE was a question mark with the likes of Demetrius Harris and Adam Shaheen at the position. That was until the Bears used the No. 43 Notre Dame’s TE Cole Kmet.
The first thing that stands out about the former Fighting Irish stand out is his size. At 6-foot-6 262 pounds, Kmet is an imposing figure at the position. He is a mismatch for opposing linebackers and nickelbacks over the middle of the field.
The comparisons to current Bears’ TE Shaheen will come to mind because of their identical size. However, Kmet is much smoother as a runner after the catch than Shaheen. He is not in the same class as George Kittle or Zach Ertz after the catch. However, he is not the rumbling and stumbling athlete as Shaheen.
Kmet is not a field stretcher, but a solid dependable target over the middle of the field. He should be able to give you those 10-20-yard completions more often than not. Maybe even the potential big play downfield if not accounted for. He is not the most explosive route runner, but Kmet makes up for with a big catch radius.
Maybe where Kmet will mostly make an immediate impact is in the red zone. His big frame and go up and get it ability will be welcome in that area of the field.
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If you are looking for a player comparison to match him up with, it would be another former Notre Dame TE Kyle Rudolph. Like Kmet, Rudolph was not the most explosive athlete at TE position when he arrived with the Minnesota Vikings.
However, he developed into that dependable target over the middle of the field and red zone threat. He also established himself into a solid in-line blocker later in his career. Kmet still has room to grow in that area, but certainly has the potential to develop into a consistent solid blocker.
If Kmet develops into a Travis Kelce or Kittle type of player, great for the Bears. If his career ends up similar to Rudolph, as a Bears fan you almost have to take that as a success.
The ChicagoBears saw their biggest rival make a splash in the 2020 NFL Draft. Does that mean there is trouble in paradise?
The Chicago Bears finished the 2020 NFL Draft on Sunday along with the rest of the National Football League. Their bitter rivals, the Green Bay Packers, had themselves a very interesting draft. They, by far, had the worst draft of any team in the NFC North Division. They are still going to be a respectable football team in 2020 but this draft definitely raised some questions about their future plans.
They started it off by selecting quarterback Jordan Love from Utah State University. The problem with that pick is that they have Aaron Rodgers there who had yet another elite year in 2019. He went 13-3 with Green Bay before making a run all the way to the NFC Championship. He threw 26 touchdowns to only four interceptions and completed 62 percent of his passes.
In all 15 years of Rodgers’ career, the Packers didn’t draft a single skill position player in the first round. Rodgers made it known that he is aware too that fact earlier in the day on Thursday. Well, instead of fulfilling Rodgers’ request, they went out and drafted his potential replacement.
A lot of people are comparing this move to when the Packers drafted Rodgers with the 24th overall pick in the 2005 NFL Draft. They still had Brett Favre at the same age as Rodgers is at now. There two key differences to this situation. The first is that Rodgers was a much higher touted college prospect than Love. The second is that Favre made retirement comments many times. Rodgers shows no signs of wanting to be done playing football.
That has some people thinking if this will cause a fallout between Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers organization. He has been known to have an attitude at times but it is extra hard to imagine that he is happy about this pick. It clearly isn’t something that is going to affect him in the short term but they now have a potential plan for life after Aaron Rodgers.
You can also argue that it does affect him because Love is going to be holding a clipboard for at a minimum, three years. Instead, they could have drafted one of the great wide receivers this draft had to offer. It was an all-time great draft in terms of depth at that position and the Packers didn’t take a single one. That has to frustrate number 12.
It might take a while for us to see the results of this draft pick but it is only fair to wonder if this will have a negative impact on their organization. If it does, that is awesome news for the Chicago Bears. They have been the better team for a long time and all we want to see is the tides turn at some point.
We turn our attention to what quarterbacks the Chicago Bears could have their eye on in the 2021 NFL Draft.
The 2020 NFL Draft has concluded for the Chicago Bears and once again, Ryan Pace refused to draft a quarterback — at all. Despite indicating very early on in his tenure that he thought it was a good idea to add one each year, he has done it only once in the last six drafts.
When questioned about it during his post-draft press conference, Pace indicated that to draft a quarterback, things have to “align for us the right way.” Apparently over the last 42 rounds worth of NFL drafts, things have only “aligned” once. Even then, that’s not entirely true as Pace had to “align” things himself by trading up for Mitchell Trubisky in 2017. It’s not as if he left it to the gods of the NFL draft to decide. Be that as it may, the fact remains there is no young, developmental quarterback on the roster once again.
Therefore, Bears fans will have to look towards the future and the 2021 NFL Draft for their next opportunity to select a franchise quarterback.
Of course, Bears fans are probably salivating over the thought of having a shot at a guy like Clemson’s Trevor Lawrence or Ohio State’s Justin Fields, but there is virtually no chance of that happening absent a cataclysmic failure on a number of fronts. The Bears simply have too much talent to be picking near the top of the draft. However, there are still likely to be some quality options for the Bears in the middle of the first round, and so that is where we begin our way too early look at quarterback options in the 2021 NFL Draft.
ChicagoBears (Photo by Kena Krutsinger/Getty Images)
Now that the 2020 NFL Draft is over, how can Chicago Bears general manager fill in the gaps via free agency? We have a few ideas.
The weekend is over and the 2020 NFL Draft is in the books. For the Chicago Bears, it was a bit of a mixed bag in terms of results. General manager Ryan Pace was likely to make a move or two within this draft, but hardly anyone thought it would mean trading up — twice.
To start with, the Bears stayed put in the second round. First, they grabbed the top tight end in this year’s class in Cole Kmet, the hometown kid out of Notre Dame. Tight end was a massive need, but not everyone thought they would address it so early.
Next up was the pick many thought Pace would deal. But, instead of trading back, the Bears kept the selection and brought in cornerback Jaylon Johnson out of Utah — whom I believe will end up being the steal of the draft. In Johnson, they have their second starter now and their secondary looks like it’s in pretty good shape.
From there on out, things got a little weird. Pace traded up twice in the fifth round, first going with pass rusher Trevis Gipson out of Tulsa. Edge rusher wasn’t exactly a big need, but adding depth to that spot was something that was within the realm of possibilities.
Pace went on to grab Kindle Vildor, a cornerback out of Georgia Southern, followed by wide receiver Darnell Mooney from Tulane, giving the team a trio of fifth-round picks.
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In the seventh round, Pace grabbed two offensive linemen who look to be shots in the dark. The team did not have a sixth rounder due to the trades in the fifth.
Now, the question is, whom the Bears could look at to fill out the rest of the roster via another wave of free agency. There are still some positions of need, and lucky for the Bears, there are some interesting veterans available. Let’s take a look at a few of them.
HI! It’s me, Nikki, A.K.A. the “Queen of Cussin” (I don’t know who came up with that) and Moms Who Drink And Swear blogger and author. Tonight, Sunday, April 26th, I am doing a Facebook Live from my Moms Who Drink And Swear™ Facebook page at 7pm Central Standard Time.
Here is a heavily filtered photo of me and my wiener dog, Holly. You are welcome.
I’ve never done this, I’m not exactly how it works. I do know how I work so please keep your expectations realistic and reasonable and by realistic reasonable I mean low. I should have just said that…
I would NOT have thought to do this if it had not been suggested by my publisher. My publisher wouldn’t have thought to suggest it if Target hadn’t decided to feature my book for Mother’s Day – SEVEN FUCKING YEARS AFTER IT WAS RELEASED, which is so cool and I am grateful yet super confused by it because why now, seriously, I don’t get it, but I don’t get how a car works and I drive a car so…yeah, I’ll be on Facebook live tonight talking about mental health, the COVID-19 global pandemic, and my book, “Moms Who Drink And Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind.”
My friend, Kelly, took this photo and sent it my way and my brain exploded.
For many authors, book promotion is the ABSOLUTE WORST because it requires a level of bullshit and begging that is uncomfortable. In my mind, it’s so simple! If you want to buy my book, you will. But how can you buy it if you don’t know about it?
My social media page for my blog has a large following. That happened over the course of several years as I wrote blogs and blurbs and GENUINELY enjoyed it. I met the coolest people and went on adventures. For years I wrote about whatever and whenever, and however the fuck I felt like it and THAT is why I kept it up despite the fact that my personal life was becoming increasingly chaotic and unmanageable.
I also kept it up because…
If 1% of the one million people on my Facebook page see that I posted a blog and then 1% of those people actually see the post, that’s potentially 10,000 people reading! If even 1% of the 10,000 people read the post, that’s 100 people – OH MY GOD, RIGHT? It’s so cool. Here’s what is even cooler…
If 1% of the 100, meaning ONE person reads the post, (I have no idea if this math is correct and I’m not going to check it so PLEASE FUCK OFF if you were thinking about sending me a message about it) and that one person gets joy, relief, and comfort from whatever weird words I shared, that was enough for me. ONE person matters.
I wanted to feel that way about my book but at the time it came out, I just couldn’t. Waaaaaahhhh! Poor me. I got a book deal with a major publisher and I couldn’t feel good about it. I know. Feel free to punch me in the face once the social distancing stuff is over. I’d understand. Just know that the book and all it entailed revealed the chinks in my life armor. I was loving my kids and I did lose my mind. I got lost. Aaaaaand that’s where I’m going to stop for now and where I’ll start tonight. At 6pm. On fucking Facebook. Live.
I’m Facebook Live-ing tonight!
I know that Live-ing not a word. I don’t care. If you are new to my blog, you will either get used to the way I play fast and loose with language or you will take your eyeballs elsewhere. I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff a long time ago because if I approached my writing like I was an actual writer, I’d never have shared word fucking ONE with anyone. To say that doing this Facebook live tonight is out of my comfort zone is an understatement, yet I am grateful to be doing it. Marsha M. Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, says…
“It is hard to be happy without a life worth living. This is a fundamental tenet of DBT. Of course, all lives are worth living in reality. No life is not worth living. But what is important is that you experience your life as worth living—one that is satisfying, and one that brings happiness.”
You’re reading the complete works of Zane Grey?
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