There’s been a  huge maelstrom of  varied opinions surrounding Mitch McConnell’s Trump  turnabout.  But I’ve heard no views that express the postulate contained in a mysterious unsigned letter and audiotape I received recently.  It purports to contain a recording of a conversation between Mitch and his wife,Elaine Chao, on the day after Mitch voted against impeaching Trump; though I  must confess that the recorded voices sound suspiciously like my prankster nephew Dexter and his equally mischievously goofy girlfriend, Courtney (or is is Alex or Sydney or some other forename that used to be reserved for males?), in a pale attempt to impersonate both Mitch and Elaine.Though the authenticity of the mailing might be called into question, the theory, unlike Mitch himself, seems to have  some merit.  And so, without further doodoo, the contents:

ELAINE:  So you voted against impeaching that putz . eh?

MITCH;  Well, I–

ELAINE:  You do realize, don’t you, that all  across America there’s been a terrifyingly dramatic eruption in hate crimes against Asian Americans?

MITCH:  Well, I–

ELAINE:   Massive numbers of murders, beatings and property damage against  patriotic citizens who were born here. or whose  families and forbears emigrated from China, Korea, Japan, Viet Nam, Myanmar, et cetera.

MITCH: Well,I–

ELAINE:  Do you think the bloodbath might have anything to do with the putz repeatedly referring to Covid 19 as “the Chinese virus”, Mitch?

MITCH:  Well,   I–

ELAINE:  What would you say if I or  members of my family were attacked?

MITCH;  Well, I–

ELAINE:  When are you going to grow a spine and rise up against the putz?

MITCH:  Well, I–

ELAINE: Mitch, remember, just because you’re a you’re a big shot in congress, doesn’t necessarily  mean you’ve got a clear shot at carnal congress with your wife.

MITCH;  Well, I–

ELAINE;  So when exactly are your going to take a shot at the putz?

MITCH;  Er…soon?

ELAINE;  Very soon?

MITCH;  Very soon,

ELAINE; Good.

MITCH;  Should we have some some Chinese takeout tonight?  Maybe chop suey?

ELAINE;  Mitch, how many times have I told you that chop suey should never be referred to as Chinese?

MITCH:  Well, I–

ELAINE:  Just like Covid 19.