Dateline: Bowling Green, Kentucky-November 3, 2017

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul is at his home, cutting his grass. It’s an activity familiar to most Americans. Paul has on head phones. He’s intently into his task, when from out of nowhere, he’s tackled off of his riding mower.

Paul is taken to the ground and a fight ensues. When it ends, Rand Paul is left with six broken ribs and some lung damage.

The attacker is Paul’s next door neighbor of close to two decades, Rene Boucher. Although it was insinuated that the attack was about conflicting political views, it turned out to be over Paul leaving his grass cuttings on Boucher’s lawn. This had been a bone of contention for some time. After bringing it up multiple times, Paul wouldn’t stop his lawn mismanagement behavior. On this day, Boucher saw him doing it again and he finally snapped.

What happened is Rand Paul was beat up for acting like Rand Paul.

Rand Paul is one of those guys who likes to believe he’s always the smartest person in the room. He likes to show off. It often leads to embarrassment and in the above case, it led to him getting beat up. Being a U.S Senator gives Paul a forum to to act up. He does it quite often.

It’s hard to get anything done in the Senate. It’s an often contentious collection of one hundred men and women with contradictory ideas. Occasionally they do work together for the common good of the nation. One of those cases was in early March when they were putting together the first coronavirus bill to help Americans handle their economic distress. There was a lot of compromise and it was ready to go…except here comes Rand Paul. He had an amendment to the bill and was willing to hold things up until he was heard in Senate chambers. This meant all the Senators and their staff had to show up to listen to five minutes of Paul’s blabbering. He was voted down, condemned by many senators and the bill passed. But Paul’s ego put hundreds of people at physical risk.

So where was Rene Boucher when the Senate needed him?

A few weeks later, Paul was at it again. He tested positive for the coronavirus. Most normal people self-quarantine after receiving that diagnosis. Rand Paul isn’t most normal people. He continued to show up at Senate meetings. He showed up at luncheons with other senators. He continued to work out in the Senate gym and was even found in their swimming pool. In other words, Rand Paul again didn’t care about anyone except himself. His colleagues were furious at this behavior. Utah Senators Mike Lee and Mitt Romney went into self-quarantine, while others consulted their physicians.

So where was Rene Boucher when the Senate again needed him?

That brings us to Tuesday. The senate is holding a committee meeting on the coronavirus and what it will take to reopen the economy. Being questioned are the medical leaders of the White House coronavirus task force, including Dr. Anthony Fauci. It’s being nationally televised on multiple networks. Millions of Americans are watching. It’s the perfect setting for Rand Paul to try to bring attention to himself again.

Dr. Fauci says that reopening businesses and schools too soon could lead to more outbreaks and unnecessary deaths. Paul then gets his chance:

“As much as I respect you Dr. Fauci, I don’t think you’re the end all. I don’t think you’re the one person who gets to make a decision. We can listen to your advice, but there are people on the other side saying there’s not going to be a surge, that we can safely open the economy, and the facts will bear this out.”

Dr. Tony one-ups Rand calmly: “I’m a scientist….I think we better be careful if we are not cavalier in thinking that children are completely immune to the deleterious effects. I don’t give advice about anything other than public health.”

Rand….Rand….Rand….maybe you shouldn’t pick on a real doctor? A real medical expert? With a degree that hasn’t lapsed?

So where was Rene Boucher when America needed him?

Before we get too outraged, I really don’t condone any kind of violence. The piece is labeled satire and humor. I really don’t want Rene to beat him up again. Besides, the act cost Boucher over a half million in damages. It forced him to sell his house, with those proceeds going to Rand Paul. That’s a lot of jack to give someone a beating.

We don’t know where Rene Boucher is today. Rumor has it that he moved to Florida to be closer to his children and grandchildren. If any of my Florida readers know Rene, please pass this column on to him. His services may be needed again. Knowing Rand Paul, it’ll be sooner than later.