It became clear at the debate between Biden and Trump. There was one moment that shook me to my core. Joe Biden used the word “smart” in a sentence. Trump seized on him in a foreboding, dark growl; similar to the tone he used in 2016 when he called Hillary Clinton a “nasty woman”. Trump said, “Don’t ever use the word “smart” with me.”

Suddenly, I felt the violence of countless other men who abuse their children, wives, partners and loved ones. I wasn’t in the grip of a narcissist. I was in the grip of an emotional abuser; a man who uses his narcissism and sociopathy to get under people’s skin and embed himself in their consciousness. He has been doing it to Americans who love him and Americans who hate him since day one.

We are victim to the abusive tactics he employs: belittling, dismissal, gaslighting, shaming, disrespect, minimization, flipping and dumping, goading then blaming, denial, trivializing, threats, control. As we proceed it behooves us to recognize that we are in relationship with an emotional abuser. The results are depression, anxiety, guilt, detachment, fear, confusion, shame, hopelessness, insomnia, chronic pain, difficulty concentrating. Yes we’re in a pandemic. It’s not the only reason we’re feeling this way.

Now we can look at how he employs abusive tactics to steal our narrative. We must reclaim it. By doing that, we can disrupt the hold he has on our collective spirit and health. We can change this horror story.

One way I’ve taken back control is to detach from the news about him. I ended the doom scrolling and refreshing my browser because my spirit was breaking. Still, it was hard to avoid the images of  him striding across the lawn removing his mask then standing on a balcony for a photo opportunity. I know he told the American people that Covid is not so bad and it shouldn’t dominate our lives.

To hear him dismiss this virus and have no humility at the degree in which his circumstances have expedited his supposed recovery is unbearable. Knowing he is getting the best treatments; the treatment that has been elusive to so many has triggered a sense of detachment and numbness that swings to sudden rage. It’s been a dark night of my soul having to face the limits of my empathy and humanity.

It is my deepest wish that we only have three more weeks until we can exercise this man out of our collective spirit. And while we’ll  have to endure him refusing to leave and wreaking havoc I have to believe that we will ultimately end his story.

He cannot win. The country is at stake. Our spirits are at stake. Please vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

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