Hi guys. It’s been a while. I’m still dancing when I can, and now I even have a little mini me dancer of my own, but that’s not what I’m writing about today. If you were expecting something dance-related, please see this piece from simpler times, when the Joffrey Ballet was still doing their good old-fashioned Nutcracker.

I have a relatively demanding job, as does my husband, and we also have a young daughter. We’ve both been working from home and finding it hard to strike a good balance between work and being good, attentive parents. The stress of constant multitasking for 12-13 hours a day can be maddening. Like us, I know many families are doing things on their own – no daycare, grandparents or nannies to help out. So the other day, I posted a picture of my toddler and me on social media, with a caption asking my network how other parents out there are managing to survive the daily struggles of working from home and parenting. In the post I said things like “demanding jobs” and “conference calls” and “every minute of every day (minus nap time) feels like a choice between being a good mom vs. being a good employee.”

I know, I know, so dramatic! I got an outpouring of messages from friends and family, which, as a non-influencer means 30 comments on Facebook and 15 on Instagram, plus some texts and DMs. Some of my social media friends were feeling the same way, exhausted from the stress of it all, but many others sent heartfelt messages of encouragement like “you’re doing the best you can” and “sending love and good vibes” and “you don’t have it easy!”

I was blown away by all the nice things people were saying. And I felt like a total jerk.

Here’s why. While, yes, my family and I are struggling to adjust to the new normal, we are also employed, healthy, and fed (inserting a “knock on wood” here for my superstitious husband). Not to mention the dog is pretty happy with the 24-hour company. We are the ones who have it good. Despite the fact that there are people who are very sick, dying, losing their jobs, unable to pay bills, putting their lives on the line at hospitals and delivering groceries, somehow I had collected all of these kind messages and sympathy, rather than the people who really deserve it. I wish I could send all of those messages back out into the universe to be distributed to the appropriate recipients.

Will we have to spend some Zoom calls with a toddler flinging herself off the couch in the background? Yes. Will we make some mistakes at work because our minds can’t be in two places at once? Yes. Will we spend weekends trying to entertain our kids with old toys that they’re sick of? Yes. Do I wish I could spend just one entire Saturday binge re-watching Peter’s season of The Bachelor hoping that there would be a different outcome? Ugh, yes! But these are small struggles compared to the big ones going on out there. This is our time – those of us who are healthy, strong, and capable – to step up, suck it up, and all the other motivating “up” phrases that will, um, lift all of us up.

Self-centered thinking is a major part of what has contributed to the continuation of this scary, nonsensical global environment that we’re living in (Spring breakers, I’m looking at you. But also, like, our older parents who were still going to their bowling leagues way too recently…you know who you are). COVID-19, and all the big and little problems that go with it, IS NOT ABOUT ME OR YOU. It’s about coming together to protect lives, and giving up some freedoms and many luxuries, hopefully temporarily, that will help to restore the health of our communities and businesses. It’s bad enough that we’ve already lost so many people in the world to this thing. Let’s protect the people we can while we still have the chance.

So, below is where I’ve landed.

• Let go of the guilt. The parent guilt, the co-worker guilt, the bad friend guilt. These are crazy times, and we all have to take it easy on ourselves. Remember to come up for air and feel good about the small wins. (Like finding time to wash and dry your hair every three days!)
• Don’t be a jerk. Remember that what we are living through isn’t about you. It’s about everyone. Every time you complain about your current situation, think about giving to a cause that will help others through it. This episode of The Happiness Lab podcast explains how to Help Others to Help Yourself.
• Connect. My mother is attending more virtual happy hours a week than I’ve attended in person, like, my entire life. Among all the things that are going to stick after we get through this mess, it seems like video calls will be at the top of the list – we just needed a push from a global pandemic to help us connect face to virtual face as a regular form of communication, and not just to FaceTime your mom.
• Stay informed. No, I don’t mean constantly check the rate of illness in your state. I do believe in the power of being an informed citizen, (and holy heck do we need the news more than ever – thank you to all of the outlets taking down the paywall for coronavirus coverage), but one thing I’ve found helpful is to stay informed on a community level. Sign up for your alderman’s e-newsletter or sign up for Next Door – this is how I learned about the teddy bear challenge!
• Do something for you. Yoga, meditation, exercise blah blah blah (and yes I admittedly love those things). Just be kind to yourself and find some time to do something that makes you feel like YOU. I’m doing it right now – I used a precious hour of my daughter’s nap time on my only day off to write this. (So I hope that this is something worth reading to someone, somewhere).

And most of all be kind to yourself, your loved ones and the people “around” you. You’ll hopefully get to be with them – and not just virtually – someday soon.