Ripples and waves.
Ripples and waves.

It feels at times you are trying to keep your head above water. As if you are at the shoreline strong and resilient, bold and brave ready to face the ocean of uncertainties. Your eagerness sends you running into the waves to only get knocked down by the force of the water. And once you’re down, you realize just how difficult it is to feel stable again. The waves don’t stop. Will they ever stop? The only thing that begins to occupy your mind is the need to survive. How do I survive the force of the world? How do I overcome the elements that are out of my control? Will the waters ever become still enough to catch a glimpse of my own reflection?

I often wonder if I am headed into the waves to avoid the calm. The more chaos in my life, the less time I spend getting to know myself. The less time I get to know myself, the more time I spend pleasing others. The more time I spend pleasing others instead of myself, the more I am actually failing everyone. Because you cannot fully love someone without loving yourself. And you cannot be intimate with friends or your partner without being completely vulnerable and intimate with yourself first. In order to spread the messages of love, kindness, and forgiveness you must first extend yourself the same grace.

If you continue to negatively self-talk, the few truths of your essence that you may have had glimpses of, completely dissolve into the salty waters. And there you are, feet getting buried in the sand, completely defeated and more further from your truth.

Still waters make for clear reflections. So I keep making ripples to blur the truth. The truth that I am not perfect. The truth that I have had past traumas. The truth that sometimes I cannot control my anger. The truth that I sometimes fail as a mother and a wife. The truth that I go numb and mindlessly scroll social media. The truth that I limit myself from living the life I was designed to live.

What we do know is this: the waves will continue to come. The water is in constant motion, at times feeling calm and at times forceful. But the joy comes when the waters do settle and you deeply know the person in that reflection. The person who embraces the waves because he or she knows who will be there when the calm returns. The joy comes from experiencing the strength gained in the struggle. You start to realize that even at times when your feet may begin to sink, you are capable of figuring it out and moving forward!

So now instead of chasing chaos you chase adventure. You chase the opportunity to challenge yourself and create new edges.
Because you put in the time.
Because you put in the work.
Because you allowed the space to feel safe and vulnerable.
Because you choose to love yourself first.