I’m past my eighth decade on earth and I spent great parts of it reading about humorous and interesting people. Of course, Shakespeare, Churchill, and a big favorite Dorothy Parker were always front and center. Being a former Marine and a cop in Chicago the retreat from all the mayhem and drama was better than years of therapy trying to understand the human race here on earth. I can honestly say I was always interested in people who were quoted using PARAPOSDOKIANS ( yea me also) I think most of us can honestly say PRAPO WHAT!- so I have assembled some of my favorites that I sincerely hope you will enjoy as much as I have through those 8 decades.

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, and he’s prominent in a lot of the ones I listed, so I hope you enjoy at least a few of them. However, this is one of my all-time favorites from Winnie.” Lady Astor “Sir Winston if you were my husband I would give you a dose of poison, TO WHICH WINSTON REPLIED, “IF I WAS YOUR HUSBAND, I WOULD DRINK IT.” And of course, my other great favorite Dorothy Parker who left us WITH MANY, BUT I LOVED these two ditties. Dorothy describing the President and First Lady–Their pooled emotions would fill a TEACUP— And of course, describing a rival for the romantic attentions of a local politician-YOU CAN LEAD A HORTICULTURE BUT YOU CANNOT MAKE HER DRINK.” The following I hope will give you some chuckles-enjoy–

This I added for Carl England—-IF YOUR GOING TO HATE YOURSELF IN THE MORNING, DON’T GET UP TILL NOON—

Where there is a will, I want to be in itThe last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my listSince light travels faster than sound,some people appear bright until you hear them speak.If I agree with you,we are both wrong.War does not determine who is RIGHT, only who’s LEFT.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.They begin the evening news with “good evening, then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarisim. To steal from many is research.I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.In filling out an application ,where it says, In case of emergency notify: I put “DOCTOR”.And of course the favorite of every politician in Illinois, “I DIDN’T SAY IT WAS YOUR FAULT. I SAID I WAS BLAMING IT ON YOU.Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street… with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.Behind every sucessful man is his woman. The fall of every sucessful man is usually ANOTHER WOMANA clear conscience is the sign of a FUZZY memoryYou do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.Money cannot bring happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.There is a fine line between cuddling and … holding someone down so they can’t get away.I used to be indecisive now I’m not so sureYou are never to old to learn something STUPID.To be sure of hitting the target shoot first and call whatever you hit the TARGET.Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.I know I’m supposed to respect my elders but these days it’s getting harder and harder to find one.

If you have any favorites you would like to share drop them in the comments section. Stay safe-