It’s the human condition to strive for mastery and vie for control. King of the hill is the goal and nowadays there is no philosophical contemplation of the ends justifying the means. It’s all go-for-it and winner takes no prisoners.

Yet clearly the race to the top produces stress, not peace. The unending competition puts the emphasis on the culmination, rather than the journey where the awe-inspiring discoveries are found (if we slow down long enough to recognize them). Focusing only on the result forces us to think in linear terms, as if there were two markers – the start and the end – and everything in between is merely struggle toward the finish line… turning a grand journey into a long grind.

THE WEIGHT OF GOLD, an HBO documentary by Emmy Award-winning writer/director Brett Rapkin, talks to the emotional consequence of winning at all costs. Featuring interviews with many decorated Olympians including Michael Phelps as narrator, we get firsthand insight into the consequences of striving relentlessly “to be the best,” notably anxiety and depression and worst case scenario, suicide.

We’re not world class athletes but we can relate; every day we feel the pressure inherent to these common pep talk expressions, “fast track,” “career path,” “reach for the moon and “go the extra mile.” Not a lot time put aside for smelling the roses!

Ironically, underlying the pursuit of perfection is the propensity to make more mistakes than normal because we are so bound up in the chase.

It is far more rewarding to make the journey at a comfortable, doable pace, taking the small steps that allow time for rewarding adventures along the way. Reasonable expectations of ourselves – and the people in our lives – are more apt to lead to where we want to be in the long run.

Of course there are twists and turns to every worthwhile endeavor and we can be sure that bumps in the road will pop up to slow our progress. But often, the detours and obstacles turn out to be the challenges that when overcome, provide the most satisfaction.

Be it a personal, professional or spiritual goal, fulfillment comes when the journey itself absorbs the quest, our happiness shaped by the discoveries made as we follow our own path within the flow of life itself.

The further we progress toward that elusive goal of understanding where we fit in this chaotic world of ours, the more we realize how much there is to learn from our travels. Clarity – and contentment – comes with recognition that in a universe of one hundred billion galaxies there is no mastery.

The best we can do is to create a healthy, loving environment and trust the path that comes into view.

This past Saturday, dozens of people protesting inequalities in Chicago were arrested downtown. The arrests were made after the Chicago Police Department (CPD) used a dangerous and unconstitutional tactic called “kettling”. Kettling is when police force protestors into a confined space, tell the protestors to dismiss or else they will be arrested, except protestors are now trapped and can’t leave. This tactic was used by CPD during protests against the Iraq War in 2003 and resulted in the City paying out $6.2 million dollars to protestors who were kettled. 

Most of the people who were arrested this past Saturday, using this kettling tactic have now been released. One person that is still being detained is my former student, Jeremey (Mohawk) Johnson. Jeremey or how he now prefers to be called, Mohawk is charged with aggravated battery to a police officer. CPD claims Mohawk attacked an officer with his skateboard, unprovoked and that he hit an officer wearing a helmet three times. Many media outlets conveyed that same message and then showed the incomplete video of the alleged incident put out by the Chicago Police Department.

It is important to point out that Chicago Police have an extensive and proven history of harming Chicagoans and lying about it.  This history of lying and use of excessive force is so egregious that the U.S. Department of Justice issued a whole report about all the ways that Chicago Police harm citizens in Chicago. 

Based on the history of Chicago Policing, I am always skeptical of the stories told by CPD. The story CPD tells about Mohawk is very personal to me. I started teaching Mohawk in the fall of 2008 at TEAM Englewood Community Academy. Jeremey (the name he used then) like most 14 year old freshmen, was awkward. He was also very intelligent, funny, and looking to make friends. Jeremey joined the poetry team that my mentor Melissa Hughes and I created. Through poetry Jeremey started to find his place and gain confidence. I spent hours upon hours with Jeremey during his high school years through poetry. You can see Jeremey performing with our amazing poets in the TEAM Englewood  group poem his senior year. 

After Mohawk graduated from high school he went on to college. We stayed in contact with each other. One day I had a meeting downtown when Mohawk (Jeremey) Johnson was at Columbia. So we planned to hang out and I was gonna buy him lunch. He adamantly refused and told me lunch was on him and then made this creepy face for our post lunch picture.

Mohawk has always been vocal about the need to improve society for all people, but to help Black people specifically. While in college he wrote an article for Huff Post about the frustrations he was having with white people who weren’t truly trying to understand racism in America. My classes were coincidentally doing a unit about race in America and I asked him to come speak. I try to have many guest speakers throughout the year and Mohawk was one of the best. In a short time he managed to share stories, answer questions, and build connections with the students. 

After the protests on Saturday, when Mohawk’s friends all found out he had been arrested we started calling the precinct where he was being held asking for his release. People calling in were told by CPD answering the phone a few different things. Some people were yelled at by the officer who answered, when they asked for Jeremey Johnson to be released. I was hung up on as soon as I asked for his release. Others were told that Mohawk was not there. This last statement was the most frightening. The Chicago Police Department has an extensive history of making people disappear. Eventually, it was confirmed that Mohawk had been moved to Cook County late Saturday night.

On Monday, Mohawk had his bond hearing early in the afternoon. I listened in on the bond hearing and it was incredibly frustrating. The Judge John Lyke took the Chicago Police Department’s representative account of the incident with Mohawk, as if it was holy scripture. Since this was the first time Mohawk has ever been charged with a crime and he’s fully employed, Mohawk’s lawyer asked for an I-bond. An I-bond is a contract with no payment stating that Mohawk will return for all his future court appearances. 

The judge however laughed and issued a $20,000 bond, which included house arrest and electronic tethering to track Mohawk’s location. After the judge issued Mohawk’s bond, he dismissed everyone. Immediately after the dismissal the judge then wanted Mohawk’s lawyer put back on the Zoom call to gleefully give one final restriction that he had thought of, which was to forbid Mohawk from riding or touching a skateboard.

Mohawk’s bond was financially met right after the hearing by the help of the Chicago Community Bond Fund but Mohawk was not free to leave. Mohawk was detained in Cook County so his electronic tether could be set up, which according to Cook County, “could take days”. Mohawk was forced to sit in Cook County, a Covid hotspot, waiting to be electronically tethered, as if the city doesn’t tether people all the time.

On Tuesday, Mohawk’s lawyer was denied access for hours, but was eventually allowed in to see him, as the jail cited “Covid restrictions”.

On Wednesday, Mohawk was still not released. It was brought to my attention that keeping people after their bonds have been paid is the standard and illegal practice of Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart. 

As I am writing this, it is Thursday morning. Mohawk is still in jail. Mohawk made bail on Monday. Tell me that CPD and the city aren’t trying to make an example of him. He’s not been convicted, not had a trial. Sitting in Cook County, bond fully paid.

Mohawk should be home. Please call Cook County at 773-674-7100 to ask for his release. Also follow these action steps to contact your Alderperson and for other ways to help.

Mohawk is not a monster. He is a caring, self admittedly weird dude, who likes to make weird faces and dance. #FreeMohawk

Have you missed going to the movies? I’m not a big movie person, but I have missed going to the theater. For me, it’s not necessarily the film, itself; it’s more the activity. I like being out with the public. The movie, along with the overpriced popcorn and drink are all part of the total experience.

Like everything else, movie theaters have been shut down during the Covid-19 pandemic. Like everything else, they are now starting to slowly reopen. Today is opening day for one hundred AMC Theaters. That’s only one-sixth of their nationwide establishments. Something is better than nothing.

To celebrate, and really to get you to inside the building, AMC has a one-day special. You can see a movie for the cost of only fifteen cents! That’s right…15….One Five! They’re calling it “Movies in 2020 at 1920 Prices.” Definitely old…old…really old school! The films you can see for that price are old school, too. They include “Ghostbusters,” “Black Panther,” “Back to the Future” and “Grease.” 

It’s hard to find a better deal than this, right? The big question is are you ready to go back inside a movie theater right now? Does the price play any factor in that decision?

I admit I considered going. I missed “Black Panther” when it was first run in 2018. I tried to watch it when it came out on DVD, but couldn’t find the time. Now here it is again! “Black Panther” is on the big screen, with all the special effects and the huge sound for less than a dollar…way less than a dollar. I’m all-in, baby!

Then I remembered a little thing called the pandemic!

I did a little research. AMC is trying to make it as safe as possible. Limited amount of people allowed in each theater. No one will be sitting next to you except the person you came with. All theaters will be totally disinfected after each show. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

But, it comes down to this…..I’m just not ready to go to the movies. Not yet!!

I’m haven’t been a stay at home except for an emergency type of person. I’ve been going to grocery stores and pharmacies since the beginning of the pandemic. I ride buses and trains. I’ve been eating in restaurants, both outside and inside. However, when I’m doing these things, I’m always alert. I’m always watching to make sure no one gets too close.

But, I’m drawing the line at this. Opening night is usually fun and exciting, but this one is a little scary. I don’t want to be a guinea pig for this experiment. I can wait a while to see how this goes. So, while like most of us, I want my nightlife to be back to whatever normal is going to be; but, tonight is not going to be that night.

Not even for fifteen cents!

Related Post: Due to the pandemic, I miss Saturday night

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Breaking News! Steve Bannon’s indicted!

I’m delighted!

We dropped our youngest off at college this past weekend.

While there, I went out for a run, pausing at the end, near the bottom of the main hill in the campus. Already emotionally drained from the months-long process of saying goodbye to our daughter (knowing it also meant the empty nest awaited us back in a too-quiet home) and physically drained from running in the Southern heat, I looked up at the college building, its with accompanying bell tower, on top of the hill.

As I did, I decided to take off my headphones, to be present with the moment as I finished the hardest part of the run. As soon as I started running up the hill, though, the bells in the tower started playing a song, as if to urge me on. Then, at the top, I found both a fountain and a shiny new penny next to it. So I made a wish.

Sometimes, we need to make things happen.

And, sometimes, we need to let them happen.

And, at all times, we’re learning more about letting go.

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Contact me at [email protected]. Learn more about my writing, speaking and music at jameswarda.com.

Comments Note: All comments are reviewed. Any that are considered to be a personal attack or hate speech will be removed. In my blog, I always try to be respectful. I expect the same from my readers, both in responses to me, and about or to each other. And, again, thank you for reading.

@2001-2020, James R. Warda. All rights reserved.

In the handbook that’s yielded several recent posts, “The *More or Less* Definitive Guide to Self-Care” by Anna Borges, the tips and ideas are arranged alphabetically. Even J gets two entries: Joke and Journal. You have my permission to be startled at the news that I like both entries equally well.

As Borges writes at the beginning of the entry about Joke, “Sometimes all you can do is make light of the s— you’re going through, because when you treat things as less serious, they can feel less serious.” (Capitalization and italics hers,)

She recommends “darkly funny or self-deprecating jokes,” saying that an article in The Atlantic magazine described “dark memes” as possible therapy. As Elizabeth Anne Brown wrote in The Atlantic, “Typically, suicide memers aren’t mocking suicidal thoughts; they’re commiserating and bonding over being suicidal.”

I like the word “commiserating.” Sharing misery — co-misery — can nurture a bond when it’s all you have to share.

After all, it’s political convention time, folks! (See how it works? I can get serious about humor, too.)

Margaret Serious has a page on Facebook. 

Don’t miss the next post, about journaling as self-care! (Yes, I’m serious about the alphabet, too.) Type your e-mail address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam-free, and you can opt out at any time.