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Minions: The Rise of Gru

I’ve seen the phrase “aggressive adorability” used in relation to the Minions, the incoherent, yellow, denim-clad creatures who first appeared as Gru’s henchmen in the 2010 computer-animated film Despicable Me. They emerged as not just the film’s true stars but a cultural phenomenon, now semi-infamous for their representation in low-resolution memes shared by your aunt on Facebook and adorning every kind of merchandise available to purchase. I maintain that the Minions thrive in spite of such capitalistic opportunism, their guileless appeal enduring even into this sequel to their standalone 2015 film and the fifth film in the overall Despicable Me franchise. Where the first Minions presented the journey leading up to their union with aspiring super-villain Gru, this 70s-set follow-up chronicles the crew’s first big adventure as preteen Gru (voiced again by Steve Carell) endeavors to join a cadre of his supervillain heroes (voiced by Taraji P. Henson, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Danny Trejo, among others) in pursuit of a powerful ancient stone. Gru’s favorite villain and now-exiled member of the aforementioned gang, Wild Knuckles (Alan Arkin), gets thrown into the mix, and so do a friendly biker (RZA) and a martial arts expert (Michelle Yeoh), who help the Minions save Gru after he’s kidnapped. Pierre Coffin continues to display superior voice-acting skills as all the Minions, outperforming even the shiniest stars on the cast list. Is this in any way, shape, or form defensible as meaningful art? Certainly not. Is it really cute? Yup. Aggressively so? Sure, but in our current political hellscape, there are certainly worse things to be affronted by. It’s also mercifully short. PG, 87 min.

Wide release in theaters

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Olga

In 2013, a 15-year-old Ukrainian gymnast (Anastasiia Budiashkina) wants to represent her country in international competition and make her journalist mother proud. But when their car is T-boned on the way home from practice, in reprisal to the mother’s political stance against the Russian-backed government, the girl is sent to Switzerland to train in safety. The girl is isolated in a country where she hasn’t mastered the language and doesn’t know anyone—even though her late father’s family takes her in. Tensions rise when she beats out Swiss girls for a spot on the national team and she has to watch the Maidan protests back home via her phone, rather than being there, and must renounce her citizenship to keep training.

Budiashkina (a real former gymnast, as are many of her young costars) is the reason to see this fiercely earnest attempt to show the impossible choices athletes face when political events throw their work into an arena with very different rules than those they’ve prepared all their lives to triumph by. The film is at its best showing the brutal physical toll on young bodies and psyches exacted to reach the apex of competition. The intercutting of documentary footage from Maidan Square and the girl’s inner turmoil about whether to continue abroad or go home out of nationalistic sentiment is less convincing. The filmmakers try to make her ties to mother and country one and the same; it’s a questionable idea and one whose resonance will vary widely depending on the viewer’s own experience. A prosaic conclusion undercuts much of what came before and is hard to accept given the current situation in the country. This is a skillful but flawed portrait of amateur sports on the global stage that doesn’t quite stick the landing. In various languages with subtitles. 85 min.

The Wilmette Theatre

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The Black Phone

The Black Phone is based on a story by Joe Hill, Stephen King’s son. It would be nice if the filial connection were not the most pertinent fact about the movie adaptation, but it is what it is. This is practically a King pastiche. There are ominous kids’ balloons and a child in a yellow raincoat from It. There’s a house imprisonment that recalls Misery. There are psychic powers, parental abuse, and an obsession with bullying from . . . well, every Stephen King novel. It’s even set in the 70s. (There is the occasional lift from other sources, like the ambiguously helpful dead kids from The Sixth Sense.)

King usually has something slightly odd to say in even his worst novels. Alas, that’s where Hill’s mimicking of his inherited source material ends. The plot has a lot of whistles and bells—literally, in the case of the titular phone which lets you talk to ghosts. But at bottom it’s just a basic empowerment fantasy. Our hero, Finney Shaw (Mason Thames), is sweet but not manly enough to defend himself like a man does. He needs to get kidnapped in order to cast off his nerdy wimpiness and embrace his inner adult tough guy. 

Ethan Hawke as the designated stranger danger chews scenery in the accepted horror film maniac way. Madeleine McGraw gives her all to the spunky little sister part; she especially seems to relish the profanity. Director Scott Derrickson throws in some self-conscious stylistic twists from the horror movie jump scare grab bag. The effort is appreciated as far as it goes. But it doesn’t matter how enthusiastically you dial if you end up with a bore on the other end of the line. R, 103 min.

Wide release in theaters

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NBA trade tracker: Grades, details for every deal for the 2022-23 seasonon July 1, 2022 at 6:46 pm

The NBA trade deadline saw a bombshell deal between the Brooklyn Nets and Philadelphia 76ers for Ben Simmons and James Harden. But trades had been on a hiatus since then.

Four months later, big deals are back on the menu in the NBA draft and heading into the league’s free-agency frenzy.

The Oklahoma City Thunder kicked off the latest round of trades early last week when they sent the No. 30 overall pick to the Denver Nuggets for forward JaMychal Green and two future second-round picks. The Nuggets also acquired Kentavious Caldwell-Pope and Ish Smith from the Washington Wizards in exchange for Will Barton and Monte Morris.

Then, the Houston Rockets acquired the No. 26 overall pick from the Dallas Mavericks in exchange for center Christian Wood. The Rockets also get four players on expiring contracts.

In the latest move, the Atlanta Hawks acquired Dejounte Murray from the San Antonio Spurs in exchange for Danilo Gallinari and a bevy of first-round picks.

Which other draft picks and players are on the move?

Keep this page bookmarked: We’ll have a rundown of every trade, including grades from ESPN NBA Insider Kevin Pelton.

Trade grades roundup | All 58 NBA draft picks

Free-Agency Period

July 1: Celtics land Brogdon

Boston Celtics get:
Malcolm Brogdon
2024 lottery-protected first-round pick

Indiana Pacers get:
Daniel Theis
Aaron Nesmith
2023 first-round pick

July 1: Hawks acquire Holiday and more from Kings

Atlanta Hawks get:
Justin Holiday
Maurice Harkless
2024 lottery-protected first-round pick

Sacramento Kings get:
Kevin Huerter

June 30: Nets acquire O’Neale from Jazz

Brooklyn Nets get:
Royce O’Neale

Utah Jazz get:
2023 first-round pick

Atlanta Hawks get:
Dejounte Murray

San Antonio Spurs get:
Danilo Gallinari
2023 first-round pick (via Charlotte)
2025 first-round pick
2027 first-round pick
Future pick swap with Atlanta

Washington Wizards get:
Will Barton
Monte Morris

Denver Nuggets get:
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
Ish Smith

Detroit Pistons get:
Nerlens Noel
Alec Burks
Two future second-round picks
Cash considerations

New York Knicks get:
TBD

DRAFT-DAY DEALS

Indiana Pacers get:
Kendall Brown (No. 48 pick in 2022)

Minnesota Timberwolves get:
TBD

Denver Nuggets get:
Ismael Kamagate (No. 46 pick in 2022)

Portland Trail Blazers get:
TBD

Golden State Warriors get:
Ryan Rollins (No. 44 pick in 2022)

Atlanta Hawks get:
No. 51 pick in 2022
Cash

Charlotte Hornets get:
Bryce McGowens (No. 40 pick in 2022)

Minnesota Timberwolves get:
Two future second-rounders

Memphis Grizzlies get:
Kennedy Chandler (No. 38 pick in 2022)

San Antonio Spurs get:
Future second-round pick
Cash

Dallas Mavericks get:
Jaden Hardy (No. 37 pick in 2022)

Sacramento Kings get:
Two future second-round picks

Minnesota Timberwolves get:
Wendell Moore Jr. (No. 26 pick in 2022)

Houston Rockets get:
TyTy Washington Jr. (No. 29 pick in 2022)
Two future second-round picks

Philadelphia 76ers get:
De’Anthony Melton

Memphis Grizzlies get:
David Roddy (No. 23 pick in 2022)
Danny Green

Memphis Grizzlies get:
Jake LaRavia (No. 19 pick in 2022)
Future second-round pick

Minnesota Timberwolves get:
Walker Kessler (No. 22 pick in 2022)
TyTy Washington Jr. (No. 29 pick in 2022)

Detroit Pistons get:
Jalen Duren (No. 13 pick in 2022)
Kemba Walker

Charlotte Hornets get:
Conditional first-round pick
Four future second-round picks

New York Knicks get:
2025 first-round pick (via Milwaukee)

New York Knicks get:
Three future first-round picks

Oklahoma City Thunder get:
Ousmane Dieng (No. 11 pick in 2022)

Los Angeles Lakers get:
Max Christie (No. 35 pick in 2022)

Orlando Magic get:
Future second-round pick
Cash

Cavaliers pick up second-round pick

Cleveland Cavaliers get:
Isaiah Mobley (No. 49 pick in 2022)

Sacramento Kings get:
Draft rights to Sasha Vezenkov (No. 57 pick in 2017)

PRE-DRAFT DEALS

Portland Trail Blazers get:
Jerami Grant
No. 46 pick in 2022

Detroit Pistons get:
2025 first-round pick (via Milwaukee Bucks)
No. 36 pick in 2022
2025 second-round pick
2026 second-round pick

NBA trade grades: What the deal for Jerami Grant means for the Portland Trail Blazers and Detroit Pistons

Dallas Mavericks get:
Christian Wood

Houston Rockets get:
Boban Marjanovic
Marquese Chriss
Trey Burke
Sterling Brown
No. 26 pick

NBA trade grades: What the deal for Christian Wood means for the Dallas Mavericks and Houston Rockets

Oklahoma City Thunder get:
JaMychal Green
2027 first-round pick

Denver Nuggets get:
2022 No. 30 pick
Two future second-round picks

NBA trade grades: Breaking down the Denver Nuggets-Oklahoma City Thunder deal for JaMychal Green

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NBA trade tracker: Grades, details for every deal for the 2022-23 seasonon July 1, 2022 at 6:46 pm Read More »

Agent: Bulls, LaVine agree to 5-year, $215M dealon July 1, 2022 at 6:45 pm

The Chicago Bulls and Zach LaVine have agreed to a five-year, $215M max contract extension, Klutch Sports announced Friday.

LaVine, 27, has blossomed into a two-time All-Star in Chicago, where he arrived in the trade that sent Jimmy Butler to the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2017, and — along with DeMar DeRozan — was the cornerstone of Chicago’s return to the Eastern Conference playoffs for the first time in five years this past season.

That also marked the first time in LaVine’s career that he’d reached the postseason.

2 Related

Now, he and the Bulls will look to continue that success moving forward, thanks to the two sides sitting down and hammering out a maximum contract extension to keep LaVine in Chicago through his prime.

Since coming to the Bulls in the Butler trade in 2017, LaVine has become a terrific offensive threat at every level. He’s averaged at least 23.7 points per game each of the past four seasons while being both a high volume and quality percentage 3-point shooter, in addition to his explosiveness attacking the rim, steadiness at the free throw line (at least five attempts and over 80 percent shooting the past four seasons) and ability to create for others (at least four assists per game).

This past season — coming off winning a gold medal with Team USA in Tokyo last summer — LaVine averaged 24.4 points, 4.5 assists and 4.6 rebounds per game, all while shooting 47.6 percent from the field and 38.9 percent from 3-point range despite being hampered by a left knee injury that required surgery shortly after the season ended.

LaVine suffered a torn ACL in that same left knee in 2017, before being traded to Chicago later that same year alongside the 7th pick in that year’s draft, which became Lauri Markkanen and guard Kris Dunn.

Still, LaVine’s growth since arriving with the Bulls led to him making an All-Star appearance in each of the last two seasons.

And LaVine’s signature on a new deal is the culmination of a year-plus effort by Arturas Karnisovas, the team’s executive vice president of basketball operations, to construct a team around LaVine good enough to make Chicago a factor in the East again — and to convince the star to remain with Chicago.

As a result, the Bulls were busy last spring and summer. They acquired DeRozan, Nikola Vucevic and Lonzo Ball via trades, Alex Caruso in free agency and hired former Oklahoma City Thunder head coach Billy Donovan to coach the team.

The sum total of those moves pushed Chicago to the top of the Eastern Conference for much of last season before a series of injuries — notably to Ball, Caruso and second-year forward Patrick Williams — saw the Bulls fall down the standings. They eventually entered the playoffs as a sixth seed, losing in five games to the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the East playoffs.

ESPN’s Jamal Collier contributed to this report.

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Agent: Bulls, LaVine agree to 5-year, $215M dealon July 1, 2022 at 6:45 pm Read More »

Agent: Bulls, LaVine agree to 5-year, $215M dealon July 1, 2022 at 5:58 pm

The Chicago Bulls and Zach LaVine have agreed to a five-year, $215M max contract extension, Klutch Sports announced Friday.

LaVine, 27, has blossomed into a two-time All-Star in Chicago, where he arrived in the trade that sent Jimmy Butler to the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2017, and — along with DeMar DeRozan — was the cornerstone of Chicago’s return to the Eastern Conference playoffs for the first time in five years this past season.

That also marked the first time in LaVine’s career that he’d reached the postseason.

2 Related

Now, he and the Bulls will look to continue that success moving forward, thanks to the two sides sitting down and hammering out a maximum contract extension to keep LaVine in Chicago through his prime.

Since coming to the Bulls in the Butler trade in 2017, LaVine has become a terrific offensive threat at every level. He’s averaged at least 23.7 points per game each of the past four seasons while being both a high volume and quality percentage 3-point shooter, in addition to his explosiveness attacking the rim, steadiness at the free throw line (at least five attempts and over 80 percent shooting the past four seasons) and ability to create for others (at least four assists per game).

This past season — coming off winning a gold medal with Team USA in Tokyo last summer — LaVine averaged 24.4 points, 4.5 assists and 4.6 rebounds per game, all while shooting 47.6 percent from the field and 38.9 percent from 3-point range despite being hampered by a left knee injury that required surgery shortly after the season ended.

LaVine suffered a torn ACL in that same left knee in 2017, before being traded to Chicago later that same year alongside the 7th pick in that year’s draft, which became Lauri Markkanen and guard Kris Dunn.

Still, LaVine’s growth since arriving with the Bulls led to him making an All-Star appearance in each of the last two seasons.

And LaVine’s signature on a new deal is the culmination of a year-plus effort by Arturas Karnisovas, the team’s executive vice president of basketball operations, to construct a team around LaVine good enough to make Chicago a factor in the East again — and to convince the star to remain with Chicago.

As a result, the Bulls were busy last spring and summer. They acquired DeRozan, Nikola Vucevic and Lonzo Ball via trades, Alex Caruso in free agency and hired former Oklahoma City Thunder head coach Billy Donovan to coach the team.

The sum total of those moves pushed Chicago to the top of the Eastern Conference for much of last season before a series of injuries — notably to Ball, Caruso and second-year forward Patrick Williams — saw the Bulls fall down the standings. They eventually entered the playoffs as a sixth seed, losing in five games to the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the East playoffs.

ESPN’s Jamal Collier contributed to this report.

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Agent: Bulls, LaVine agree to 5-year, $215M dealon July 1, 2022 at 5:58 pm Read More »

Zach LaVine signs five-year maximum contract with Chicago Bulls

Guard Zach LaVine is staying in Chicago as he’s agreed to a max deal with the Bulls on Friday morning

The 2022 NBA free agency period is still just under 24 hours old and while it’s been a quiet one for the Chicago Bulls outside of the Andre Drummond signing, the team made their ‘big splash’ on Friday.

According to multiple reports, the Bulls and Zach LaVine have agreed to a five-year deal worth $215.2M on a maximum contract. The All-Star will remain in Chicago as part of the team’s core for the future, pairing him with DeMar DeRozan.

NBA All-Star Zach LaVine has agreed to a five-year, $215.2 million maximum contract to return to the Chicago Bulls, with a player option in Year 5, Klutch Sports CEO Rich Paul told @TheAthletic @Stadium.

There was talk earlier in the offseason that LaVine could be on the way out of Chicago due to his knee injury and a team like the Los Angeles Lakers were connected to the guard. But in the end, it made the most sense for him to stay with the Bulls as they were the only franchise able to offer him a maximum contract.

LaVine is coming off a 2021-22 campaign in which he averaged 24.4 points, 4.6 rebounds, and 4.5 assists per game while making the NBA All-Star Game. It was his second-straight NBA All-Star Game nod with the Bulls.

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Did my ‘bonding hormone’ get stage fright?

Weekly deadlines being what they are, this column was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.

We knew this was coming, thanks to the SCOTUS Leaker, but that didn’t make last week’s news any less devastating. (Who’s the leaker? My money’s on Ginni.) So, what can we do now? We can march, we can donate, and we can vote like the Right has been voting for 50 years, i.e., we can vote like judicial appointments matter. But if you want to do something right now that will piss off the people out there celebrating Dobbs, consider making a donation to the National Network of Abortion Funds. Actually, don’t just consider making a donation, do it right now: abortionfunds.org/donate. This is going to be a long fight — and we’re not just in a fight to resecure a woman’s right to control her own body, we’re in a fight to protect all the other rights social conservatives want to claw back, from the right of opposite-sex couples to use contraception to the right of same-sex couples to marry to everyone’s right to enjoy non-PIV sex. (When they say they want to overturn Lawrence v. Texas, which Clarence Thomas said in his concurrence, they’re not just talking about re-criminalizing gay sex but re-criminalizing a whole lot of straight sex; Lawrence overturned sodomy laws, and anything non-PIV meets the legal definition of sodomy.) If you live in a state where abortion became illegal overnight, you can find information on self-administered medication abortion—everything you need to know about M&Ms (mifepristone and misoprostol)—at plancpills.org. — Dan

Q: My partner and I are a heterosexual couple with a large age gap. He is the older one, and our sex life is amazing. We’ve been talking about the idea of having me fuck a new guy for about four years. However, because he is older and experienced more casual sex is his young adulthood, he felt it was only fair that I got to do that as well. (I was in my early 20s when we started our relationship and I’ve only been with two other guys.) At first, I told him I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything but over time, the more we talked about it, the more I realized I wanted to do this just for fun. And now we just got back from a vacation where I found a guy on a hookup app for a one-time meeting and (safely) fucked him while my partner watched. (He’s not a cuck and didn’t participate.) It was just plain fun for all of us! My question is about the “bonding hormone.” I’ve always heard that when a woman has sex, her body produces oxytocin, a hormone that causes her to emotionally attach to her sex partner. That has certainly been true for me in the past. But with this most recent fuck, I didn’t feel any emotional attachment at all! I’ve never had casual sex like this before, so I’m wondering if the “bonding hormone” only releases when you’re seeking an emotional attachment to a sex partner. Or did I fail to bond because my own partner was in the room? Honestly, I feel more bonded to my partner than ever now! —Curious Casual Newbie

A: For some guys—for some cucks, for some stags—watching the girlfriend with another guy is participating. So, the fact that your partner “only” watched isn’t proof that allowing you to hook up with another guy was pure altruism on his part. As for your failure to romantically attach to that vacation rando . . .

“Oxytocin alone does not create the bond,” said Dr. Larry J. Young. “There are brain mechanisms that can inhibit bonding after sex with another individual.”

Dr. Young is a neuroscientist at Emory University, where he has extensively studied hormones and the roles they play in forming partner bonds.

“It’s not correct to think of oxytocin as the ‘bonding hormone,’ although you will see that frequently in the media,” said Dr. Young. “Oxytocin amplifies—amplifies in the brain—the face, the smell, the voice of the person an individual is having sex with, so the brain can really sense those intensively. But it is the interaction of oxytocin with dopamine, which creates the intense pleasure of sex, that causes the bond—that is, the combination of the pleasure (dopamine) and the senses of the sexual partner (oxytocin) create a bond with a sexual partner.”

And according to Dr. Young’s fascinating research—which focuses on prairie voles—you can safely enjoy all the pleasure/dopamine you want without fear of bonding with some rando, CCN, so long as your bond with your current partner remains strong.

“Once bonded, the pattern of dopamine receptors changes in the brain so that the occasional sex with another doesn’t create a new bond,” said Dr. Young. “One type of dopamine receptor helps create a bond and the other type inhibits. Unbonded individuals have more of the bonding type of dopamine receptors. After bonding, the inhibitory receptor become more prominent, thus inhibiting a new bond.”

Which means, CCN, it’s safe for you to have sex with other men—with or without your partner present—so long as you still feeling bonded to your primary partner, who may or may not be a cuck. (I mean “safe” in the unlikely-to-catch-feelings-for-someone else sense, not “safe” in the minimized-risk-of-STI-transmission sense.) There is, however, one important caveat . . .

“This may not work 100 percent of the time,” said Dr. Young. “If the bond to the first partner has faded, this reader’s experience may not be shared by everyone.”

Q: I’m a dude. A woman friend of mine in an open marriage recently told me that a male friend of ours greets her by kissing her on the cheek. This is something he only does with her. She feels this happens because she’s physically intimate with someone in our friend group, who’s not her husband and that therefore my friend sees her as “publicly available.” I’ve personally heard this guy describe this woman friend of mine as “DTF.” I’ve known this guy for years and I just feel bad about the whole thing. The strangest thing is that this dude is in an open relationship himself and really should know better. It seems like he could be a lot less hypocritical and a lot more respectful. Do you think I should say something? How should I go about it? I’ve asked the friend he’s kissing, who is also a big fan of yours by the way, and she wants to be left out of this. —Bad At Creating Catchy Acronyms

A: Let’s say you say something, BACCA, but leave your woman friend out of it. The kind of guy who thinks a woman in an open relationship is sexually available to all—not just down to fuck, but down to fuck him—is the kind of guy who will interpret any ambiguity in an order to “stop” as license to keep doing exactly what he’s been doing. So, if you can’t tell this guy your mutual friend explicitly told you she 1. wants him to stop and 2. deputized you to tell him to stop, this dude is going to tell himself you were only guessing at how she feels (she doesn’t like this, she doesn’t want him) and that his guess (she likes it, she wants him) is as good a guess as yours. He may even play a little three-dimensional-pseudo-male-feminist chess and accuse you of being the sexist and controlling one—it’s her body, her cheek, you shouldn’t be speaking for her, etc.

To get this guy to stop without saying something to him herself, BACCA, your friend needs to give you the okay to make it abundantly clear that she deputized you to speak on her behalf. (“She asked me to tell you to knock it off, and now I’m telling you. Knock it off. If you don’t believe me, ask her.”) She’ll need to be prepared for the almost inevitable follow-up question (“Have I been making you uncomfortable!”) and the maudlin, self-pitying apologies (“I’m so sorry! I feel terrible!”) and/or rationalizations (“I was just being friendly!”) that are likely to follow.

And if he ever comes in for a kiss again, she needs to be ready to either use her words (“No. Don’t. Stop.”) and/or stick her hand out in front of her—not a hand held out for a shake (she doesn’t want him pulling her in for a kiss), but a flat hand that’s going to land on his sternum if he keeps coming toward her, with a stiff arm (lock that elbow!) so he can’t come any closer.

Download the Savage Lovecast at savagelovecast.com

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Did my ‘bonding hormone’ get stage fright?Dan Savageon July 1, 2022 at 4:41 pm

Weekly deadlines being what they are, this column was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.

We knew this was coming, thanks to the SCOTUS Leaker, but that didn’t make last week’s news any less devastating. (Who’s the leaker? My money’s on Ginni.) So, what can we do now? We can march, we can donate, and we can vote like the Right has been voting for 50 years, i.e., we can vote like judicial appointments matter. But if you want to do something right now that will piss off the people out there celebrating Dobbs, consider making a donation to the National Network of Abortion Funds. Actually, don’t just consider making a donation, do it right now: abortionfunds.org/donate. This is going to be a long fight — and we’re not just in a fight to resecure a woman’s right to control her own body, we’re in a fight to protect all the other rights social conservatives want to claw back, from the right of opposite-sex couples to use contraception to the right of same-sex couples to marry to everyone’s right to enjoy non-PIV sex. (When they say they want to overturn Lawrence v. Texas, which Clarence Thomas said in his concurrence, they’re not just talking about re-criminalizing gay sex but re-criminalizing a whole lot of straight sex; Lawrence overturned sodomy laws, and anything non-PIV meets the legal definition of sodomy.) If you live in a state where abortion became illegal overnight, you can find information on self-administered medication abortion—everything you need to know about M&Ms (mifepristone and misoprostol)—at plancpills.org. — Dan

Q: My partner and I are a heterosexual couple with a large age gap. He is the older one, and our sex life is amazing. We’ve been talking about the idea of having me fuck a new guy for about four years. However, because he is older and experienced more casual sex is his young adulthood, he felt it was only fair that I got to do that as well. (I was in my early 20s when we started our relationship and I’ve only been with two other guys.) At first, I told him I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything but over time, the more we talked about it, the more I realized I wanted to do this just for fun. And now we just got back from a vacation where I found a guy on a hookup app for a one-time meeting and (safely) fucked him while my partner watched. (He’s not a cuck and didn’t participate.) It was just plain fun for all of us! My question is about the “bonding hormone.” I’ve always heard that when a woman has sex, her body produces oxytocin, a hormone that causes her to emotionally attach to her sex partner. That has certainly been true for me in the past. But with this most recent fuck, I didn’t feel any emotional attachment at all! I’ve never had casual sex like this before, so I’m wondering if the “bonding hormone” only releases when you’re seeking an emotional attachment to a sex partner. Or did I fail to bond because my own partner was in the room? Honestly, I feel more bonded to my partner than ever now! —Curious Casual Newbie

A: For some guys—for some cucks, for some stags—watching the girlfriend with another guy is participating. So, the fact that your partner “only” watched isn’t proof that allowing you to hook up with another guy was pure altruism on his part. As for your failure to romantically attach to that vacation rando . . .

“Oxytocin alone does not create the bond,” said Dr. Larry J. Young. “There are brain mechanisms that can inhibit bonding after sex with another individual.”

Dr. Young is a neuroscientist at Emory University, where he has extensively studied hormones and the roles they play in forming partner bonds.

“It’s not correct to think of oxytocin as the ‘bonding hormone,’ although you will see that frequently in the media,” said Dr. Young. “Oxytocin amplifies—amplifies in the brain—the face, the smell, the voice of the person an individual is having sex with, so the brain can really sense those intensively. But it is the interaction of oxytocin with dopamine, which creates the intense pleasure of sex, that causes the bond—that is, the combination of the pleasure (dopamine) and the senses of the sexual partner (oxytocin) create a bond with a sexual partner.”

And according to Dr. Young’s fascinating research—which focuses on prairie voles—you can safely enjoy all the pleasure/dopamine you want without fear of bonding with some rando, CCN, so long as your bond with your current partner remains strong.

“Once bonded, the pattern of dopamine receptors changes in the brain so that the occasional sex with another doesn’t create a new bond,” said Dr. Young. “One type of dopamine receptor helps create a bond and the other type inhibits. Unbonded individuals have more of the bonding type of dopamine receptors. After bonding, the inhibitory receptor become more prominent, thus inhibiting a new bond.”

Which means, CCN, it’s safe for you to have sex with other men—with or without your partner present—so long as you still feeling bonded to your primary partner, who may or may not be a cuck. (I mean “safe” in the unlikely-to-catch-feelings-for-someone else sense, not “safe” in the minimized-risk-of-STI-transmission sense.) There is, however, one important caveat . . .

“This may not work 100 percent of the time,” said Dr. Young. “If the bond to the first partner has faded, this reader’s experience may not be shared by everyone.”

Q: I’m a dude. A woman friend of mine in an open marriage recently told me that a male friend of ours greets her by kissing her on the cheek. This is something he only does with her. She feels this happens because she’s physically intimate with someone in our friend group, who’s not her husband and that therefore my friend sees her as “publicly available.” I’ve personally heard this guy describe this woman friend of mine as “DTF.” I’ve known this guy for years and I just feel bad about the whole thing. The strangest thing is that this dude is in an open relationship himself and really should know better. It seems like he could be a lot less hypocritical and a lot more respectful. Do you think I should say something? How should I go about it? I’ve asked the friend he’s kissing, who is also a big fan of yours by the way, and she wants to be left out of this. —Bad At Creating Catchy Acronyms

A: Let’s say you say something, BACCA, but leave your woman friend out of it. The kind of guy who thinks a woman in an open relationship is sexually available to all—not just down to fuck, but down to fuck him—is the kind of guy who will interpret any ambiguity in an order to “stop” as license to keep doing exactly what he’s been doing. So, if you can’t tell this guy your mutual friend explicitly told you she 1. wants him to stop and 2. deputized you to tell him to stop, this dude is going to tell himself you were only guessing at how she feels (she doesn’t like this, she doesn’t want him) and that his guess (she likes it, she wants him) is as good a guess as yours. He may even play a little three-dimensional-pseudo-male-feminist chess and accuse you of being the sexist and controlling one—it’s her body, her cheek, you shouldn’t be speaking for her, etc.

To get this guy to stop without saying something to him herself, BACCA, your friend needs to give you the okay to make it abundantly clear that she deputized you to speak on her behalf. (“She asked me to tell you to knock it off, and now I’m telling you. Knock it off. If you don’t believe me, ask her.”) She’ll need to be prepared for the almost inevitable follow-up question (“Have I been making you uncomfortable!”) and the maudlin, self-pitying apologies (“I’m so sorry! I feel terrible!”) and/or rationalizations (“I was just being friendly!”) that are likely to follow.

And if he ever comes in for a kiss again, she needs to be ready to either use her words (“No. Don’t. Stop.”) and/or stick her hand out in front of her—not a hand held out for a shake (she doesn’t want him pulling her in for a kiss), but a flat hand that’s going to land on his sternum if he keeps coming toward her, with a stiff arm (lock that elbow!) so he can’t come any closer.

Download the Savage Lovecast at savagelovecast.com

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Did my ‘bonding hormone’ get stage fright?Dan Savageon July 1, 2022 at 4:41 pm Read More »

Dennis Cahill, Irish traditional music great from Chicago, dead at 68

Dennis Cahill started out playing guitar in rock groups and wedding bands. But he achieved worldwide fame as a master of traditional Irish music, headlining at festivals and concert halls around the world.

He performed for President Barack Obama at the White House and Ireland President Michael D. Higgins.

The Northwest Side resident died June 20 at a rehab facility after a long illness, according to his wife Mary Joyce-Cahill. He was 68.

He grew up on the South Side at 80th Street and Marshfield Avenue in Gresham and graduated from Little Flower High School. His parents Anna and Dennis Cahill were from an Irish-language stronghold –the fishing village of Ballydavid on the Dingle peninsula in County Kerry. In Chicago, his father worked as a stationary engineer.

Young Dennis studied music at DePaul University before switching to Roosevelt University to focus on classical guitar.

“One classical music professor, who knew Dennis was gigging in a variety of styles of music during his time at school, asked: ‘What do you expect to do with that music?’ ” accordionist Jimmy Keane said. “Dennis responded: ‘Make a f—in’ living!’ “

He started playing sets at the Earl of Old Town with Steve Goodman, John Prine, Bonnie Koloc and Ed Holstein and Fred Holstein. And he performed at the R.R. Ranch, a country-and-Western bar at 56 W. Randolph St.

In the 1980s, he met Martin Hayes, a fiddler from County Clare and six-time all-Ireland music champion by the time he was 19. Their first partnership was in the rock fusion group Midnight Court.

They shifted to traditional Irish music and played together for decades, performing in the United States, Ireland and England as well as Mexico, Australia, China, France, Germany, Holland, Hong Kong, Italy and Poland. They performed with stars including country-bluegrass legend Ricky Skaggs, Paul Simon and Sting.

Dennis Cahill (right) and fiddler Martin Hayes were lauded for their mastery of the Celtic music that links the Irish diaspora.

Jordan Koepke

The New York Times praised their “subtle invention,” with critic Ann Powers once writing: “Stripping old reels and jigs to their essence, leaving space between the notes for harmonics and whispered blue notes, Mr. Hayes and Mr. Cahill created a Celtic complement to Steve Reich’s quartets or Miles Davis’ ‘Sketches of Spain.’ “

He and Hayes recorded three LPs as a duo and several more with The Gloaming, a traditional Irish supergroup they helped form a decade ago.

Dennis Cahill (right) and fiddler Martin Hayes together recorded “Welcome Here Again.”

Mr. Cahill would watch Hayes closely, picking up the Celtic melodies that link the Irish diaspora but helping them sound unscripted as birdsong.

Hayes called him “the first minimalist in traditional Irish music.

“The fewer notes you play, the more meaningful each must be. And Dennis was a master at that. He also loved classical music and great jazz musicians such as Bill Evans and Bill Frisell. He looked at the Irish melodies less through an Irish music lens and more through the fact that melody is a universal musical idea. So universal harmonic principles from the wider world of music could be applied to this music.”

Higgins was a fan. The Gloaming played at London’s Royal Albert Hall in 2014 when Higgins made history as the first Irish president to make a state visit to the United Kingdom.

After Mr. Cahill’s death, Higgins said he and Hayes “explored new musical territory and helped create a phenomenal interest in traditional music among a whole new generation of people both within Ireland and across the world.”

“He really created this whole different style of guitar backing of traditional tunes,” said Chicago musician Kathleen Keane, who said the understated technique “allowed the melody to shine.”

Mr. Cahill’s spare playing style “not only lifted the melody of Martin’s fiddle but extracted all these hidden sounds and hidden spaces within the notes,” Keane said.

She described him as having evolved from a rocker producing “a million notes” on an electric guitar “to a sublime acoustic trad’ musician with an unstrapped classical guitar resting gently upon his knee like a baby and creating more beauty with less then he ever had previously.”

“Coming into the music late,” Mr. Cahill once said, “there’s no nostalgia to it….It kind of floats on its own merits for me. “

“After world tours, back at home, he played with all of us here in Chicago –beginners and road warriors alike,” Chicago-born fiddler Liz Carroll, the first American composer to be honored with Ireland’s top award for traditional music, wrote on Facebook.

Mr. Cahill’s wife said that when they were out and about, “People didn’t have a clue” about his fame in the trad’ world.

“He’d tell you he was a musician, and that’s all he ever said,” she said. “He’d rather talk about the beer they were drinking.”

He also liked talking politics.

Joyce-Cahill said she and her husband “loved our home. Dennis would come home from wherever he was, and the next day, we’d be out gardening or cooking. He made the most incredible omelets. I wanted to grow vegetables, and he built all the beds in the backyar. We grew tomatoes, kale, potatoes, sage, cilantro, rosemary, basil, parsley.

“He wrote a tune for me, ‘Mary’s Waltzing,’ ” she said. “I loved to dance, and I used to make him dance in the kitchen.”

A chocolate and coffee connoisseur, he ground beans for himself each day to make a perfect cup of coffee.

The couple, married for a decade, met at the Feakle Irish Music Festival in County Clare.

“It was just like we knew each other our whole lives,” his wife said.

Mr. Cahill’s first wife Gwen died in a car accident five years after they married.

He is also survived by his sister Mair?ad and stepdaughter Cl?odhna. A funeral Mass is planned for 11 a.m. July 8 at St. Priscilla Church, 6949 W. Addison St.

“I’m just so sad he’s gone,” Joyce-Cahill said. “I yell at him every morning, ‘What the hell, Dennis, you better come back and haunt me, or I’ll go find you.’

“He was kind to everyone. If he saw someone with special needs, he’d be kind to them. If he saw an older person, he was so kind. ‘Mary,’ he told me, ‘the most important thing in life is get up in the morning and not piss anyone off and do the best you can.’ “

In 2019, he brought home a Labradoodle dog with curly red hair. He named her Little Orphan Annie.

“She’s so sad,” his wife said. “She’s been laying around looking at me.”

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