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Blackhawks Defender Duncan Keith Retires

Former Blackhawks Defender Duncan Keith Retires

Just a couple hours ago, 17 year defender, Duncan Keith decides to hang up his skates. Drafted by the Blackhawks in the 2nd Round in 2002. He spent a 16 year career in Chicago, then getting traded to Edmonton where he played a season. He won 3 Stanley Cups with the Blackhawks in his career. Now, he is moving on and we wish him the best. Happy trails, Duncan!

Word is Duncan Keith of the Edmonton Oilers has decided to retire. The 38-year-old has one year left on his deal at $5.54 million AAV.
Heck of a career, two-time Norris Trophy winner and Conn Smythe Trophy winner.

He was a key part of Blackhawks 1st line defense. Some may argue he was the greatest defender on Chicago Blackhawks. No defender on the Blackhawks has played more games than he has. He also is 2nd in points and assists among Blackhawk defensemen.

As a result of his retirement, Chicago will be hit with a recapture penalty losing over $5.5M in the 2022-23 season and $1.5M the next.

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Blackhawks add 8 new draft picks including Paul Ludwinski, Ryan Greene

MONTREAL — After a wild Thursday of trades at the NHL draft, the Blackhawks quietly spent Friday adding much-needed depth to their prospect pool.

They picked eight players during the second through seventh rounds, and all eight were forwards — addressing that weakness in their preexisting pool.

That came after the Hawks surprisingly chose two defensemen among their three first-round picks Friday: Kevin Korchinski (seventh overall pick) and Sam Rinzel (25th) joined forward Frank Nazar (13th).

Two centers picked in the second round –Paul Ludwinski (39th) and Ryan Greene (57th) –headlined the Friday picks.

The Hawks added wingers Gavin Hayes (66th) and Samuel Savoie (81st) and center Aidan Thompson (90th) in the third round. After a break in picks, the Hawks then added center Dominic James (173rd) and winger Nils Juntorp (188th) in the sixth round and center Riku Tohila (199th) in the seventh.

The Hawks were part of three minor trades. They dealt the 94th pick of the third round to the Coyotes for the Stars’ 2023 third-round pick, then acquired the 188th pick used on Juntorp from the Hurricanes in exchange for their 2023 sixth-round pick.

They traded the 167th pick to the Penguins for the rights to 22-year-old prospect forward Liam Gorman, an unsigned former sixth-round pick currently playing for Princeton.

This story will be updated.

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Chicago news: Cook County homeowners told to pay up for tax breaks they shouldn’t have received, Illinois Dems’ assault weapons ban, Chicago’s plans to keep the Bears

Good afternoon. Here’s the latest news you need to know in Chicago. It’s about a 5-minute read that will brief you on today’s biggest stories.

This afternoon will be mostly cloudy with rain likely and a high near 74 degrees. Clouds will stay on tonight and temperatures are expected to drop to 67. Chicagoans can expect sunny skies on Saturday and Sunday with highs of 76 and 84 respectively.

Afternoon Edition

Chicago’s most important news of the day, delivered every weekday afternoon. Plus, a bonus issue on Saturdays that dives into the city’s storied history.

Top story

Pay up, Cook County orders homeowners after Sun-Times exposed wrongful property tax breaks

A wealthy couple has agreed to repay more than $67,000 in property tax breaks they incorrectly claimed for two years on their 58th-floor Water Tower Place condo.

The daughter of a dead mobster has to repay $16,271 in tax breaks she got after her father’s name was repeatedly signed on applications to lower the property taxes on their Bridgeview home.

And an 89-year-old woman has to repay $90,552 in property tax breaks reserved for homeowners and seniors that she continued to take even after her Pilsen apartment building was signed over to a company controlled by her grandson.

After a series of Chicago Sun-Times reports exposed questionable tax breaks, Cook County Assessor Fritz Kaegi’s staff has ordered four people to repay a total of $254,298 for years of tax breaks they shouldn’t have gotten.

And, in a rare move for the assessor’s office, the dead mobster’s case has been turned over to the Cook County state’s attorney’s office to determine whether any laws were broken in wrongfully claiming the exemptions, which cut the home’s property tax bills.

Other homeowners have seen their property taxes soar after Kaegi’s staff recalculated the exemptions they’d claimed under one of the most lucrative property tax exemptions — the “senior citizen freeze,” which can drastically cut tax bills.

That tax break caps property assessments for people 65 years or older whose household income is under $65,000. The aim of the law creating that exemption was to protect seniors against rising property taxes in booming neighborhoods.

Two years ago, the assessor granted the senior freeze for 144,904 properties, which shifted $250 million in property taxes from them onto Cook County’s other 1.77 million properties. Altogether, taxpayers in Cook County pay $15.5 billion a year in property taxes.

Tim Novak and Lauren FitzPatrick on the impact of the reporting here.

More news you need

Among the harrowing stories emerging in the aftermath of the Highland Park parade shooting are accounts of community members supporting each other amid the violent chaos. Our Brett Chase spoke with two doctors — Dr. Loren Schechter and Dr. David Baum — who went from watching the parade to treating the wounded.Illinois Democrats are working behind the scenes to drum up support to ban assault weapons and large-capacity magazines as the fallout of the Highland Park massacre continues. Gov. J.B. Pritzker and state lawmakers are also looking at ways to fix shortcomings in the state’s firearm owner identification card system and pass other gun control measures, our Tina Sfondeles reports.South Side residents will soon have access to an array of new physical and mental health care options with the opening of a new, $43-million health center in Woodlawn. Touted as a one-stop shop for preventive and primary care, Friend Health Woodlawn Center organizers say the center will serve 35,000 patients annually and help counteract decades of disinvestment in the South Side.Putting a dome over Soldier Field, expanding the NFL’s lowest seating capacity, installing synthetic turf and selling naming rights will not keep the Bears in Chicago, sports marketing expert Marc Ganis said. Even if the city could implement every idea in a report by a mayoral panel that studied how to re-imagine Soldier Field and the Museum Campus, the Bears are as good as gone.Mayor Lori Lightfoot has $2.5 million in her campaign war chest — three times the take for her next-highest competitor, except millionaire businessman Willie Wilson — after raising $1.25 million in the second quarter. One day after former CPS CEO Paul Vallas dropped $836,500 into his mayoral campaign fund, Lightfoot yesterday saw Vallas’ opening bid and raised him by $413,500.For its 30th anniversary, Sun-Times critic Richard Roeper looked back on the beloved classic “A League Of Their Own.” The film continues to resonate as a groundbreaking sports film with a woman-led cast and a woman director, Penny Marshall, Roeper writes.

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A bright one

In Pilsen, weekly Aztec dance ritual offers joy and a link to tradition

On Thursday evenings, as long as the weather is warm, the playground at Harrison Park in Pilsen becomes a stage for leaping dancers and the age-old sounds of drums.

It’s the rehearsal of a traditional Aztec dance that’s become a beloved gathering for the neighborhood. About 20 dancers, including children, rehearse wearing bandanas around their foreheads and rattles strapped to their ankles.

The dancers practice with a group called Huehuecoyotl, which means “ancient coyote” in Nahuatl, an indigenous language spoken in Mexico. The group started rehearsing at Harrison Park last summer in part because many of its members live around Pilsen.

Axel Becerril (left), Sergio Abrajan Flores and other members of the Huehuecoyotl dance group practice at Harrison Park in Pilsen.

Jason Marck/WBEZ

Huehuecoyotl is one of several Aztec dance groups in the Chicago area. More than being about just entertainment, the group dances to reclaim and preserve the indigenous cultural identity of Mexicans in Chicago.

“The danza Azteca is a Mexican tradition that has been kept alive for hundreds of years,” Ana Pati?o, one of the group’s leaders, said in Spanish. “It creates harmony in the community and with nature. It also teaches you discipline and promotes strength.”

Their dance is a ritual, a ceremony, said Sergio Abrajan Flores, who leads rehearsals. It’s an offering, a prayer in motion used to meditate, heal and connect with nature and everything around.

“La danza is a representation of the universe – a small version of it here on earth,” Flores said.

WBEZ’s Adriana Cardona-Maguigad has more on the communal practices here.

From the press box

Your daily question ?

What makes Chicago different from any other city?

Send us an email at [email protected] and we might feature your answer in the next Afternoon Edition.

Yesterday, we asked you: What is the greatest Chicago-set movie of all time?

Here’s what some of you said…

“‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ has everything that you would want to see in Chicago — Lakefront, Michigan Avenue, music, excitement, drama, Wrigley Field, the Art Institute and the scene where Ferris’ friend Cameron drives his father’s sports car off the wrong end of the garage. What’s missing?” — Gene Tenner

“The greatest Chicago-set movie of all time is ‘The Blues Brothers.’ This iconic, star-filled movie re-set the world’s perception of Chicago from Al Capone & Gangsters to Jake, Elwood & kick-ass Music and outlandish comedy bits. (Just too many to cite here!) — George Klippel

“‘Adventures in Babysitting’ — because it is wacky and nostalgic” –Greg Kulevich

“‘Cooley High’ has the best-written script that presents three-dimensional characters in believable situations and shows off the streetscape of the city — from Downtown to the neighborhood.” –Jim Rafferty

“There are so many great Chicago set movies. Some of the oft-forgotten that show more of the neighborhoods are ‘Thief,’ ‘Medium Cool,’ and the original ‘Child’s Play.’ –Anthony Imburgia

“‘The Untouchables!’ It will always be a classic, with the cinematography of our city in the prohibition era!” –Voni Lacey

“‘The Fugitive,’ because is, was filmed mostly in my old elementary school on 46th in greenwood. ‘The Blues Brothers’ because the scene with Ray Charles was filmed on 47th one block from the El. ‘Ferris Bueller’ because I was downtown watching them film the Twist and Shout scene — and finally ‘Adventures in Babysitting’ because after the movie wrapped, I got a job in that building, It’s so many more to list!” –Camille Austin

Thanks for reading the Chicago Afternoon Edition. Got a story you think we missed? Email us here.

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Hornets’ Lewis breaks leg during Summer League practiceon July 8, 2022 at 9:08 pm

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Hornets reserve guard Scottie Lewis underwent surgery to repair a broken left leg he sustained during an NBA Summer League practice session in Las Vegas on Thursday.

There is no timetable for his return, but the team said Friday the surgery was successful and that Lewis is expected to make a full recovery.

The surgery was performed at Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center in Las Vegas, according to a team news release.

Lewis, who played collegiately at Florida, signed a two-way contract with Charlotte last season and appeared in two games for the Hornets and 32 games for the team’s G League affiliate, the Greensboro Swarm. He averaged 12.1 points, 2.9 rebounds and 2.2 assists in 30.5 minutes per game with the Swarm.

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Man sentenced on lesser charges in Wright deathon July 8, 2022 at 9:08 pm

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A Tennessee man serving life in prison after his first-degree murder conviction in the slaying of former NBA player Lorenzen Wright was sentenced Friday on lesser charges of conspiracy and attempted murder in the 12-year-old case.

Shelby County Judge Lee Coffee sentenced Billy Ray Turner to 25 years in prison for both the conspiracy charge and the attempted murder charge. Turner was convicted March 21 in the fatal shooting of Wright, a 6-foot, 11-inch center who played 13 seasons in the NBA before he retired after the 2008-2009 season.

Coffee sentenced Turner, 51, to life in prison on the day of his conviction. Turner already was serving a 16-year sentence for possessing a weapon as a convicted felon. Turner was found with two guns when he was arrested in 2017 in Wright’s killing and he pleaded guilty in 2019.

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The judge decided that the 25-year-sentences will run concurrently, or at the same time. When added to the 16-year sentence for the gun charge, Turner essentially has been sentenced to life plus 41 years in prison, with the possibility of parole, Coffee said.

The slaying is one of the most highly publicized murder cases in Memphis history. Wright’s decomposing body was found riddled with bullet wounds in a swampy field in east Memphis on July 28, 2010. The 34-year-old father of six had been missing for days before his body was discovered.

During Turner’s trial, prosecutors said Wright’s ex-wife, Sherra Wright, masterminded a plan to kill her ex-husband and recruited Turner and her cousin, Jimmie Martin, to help her.

Turner and Sherra Wright were indicted in December 2017, more than seven years after the killing. Sherra Wright entered a surprise guilty plea to facilitation of murder in July 2019 and was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Turner is a landscaper who knew Sherra Wright from church and, according to prosecutors, had a secret romantic relationship with her.

At the time of Wright’s slaying, Martin was facing charges of killing his girlfriend, and he said his cousin helped pay part of his legal fees. Martin was convicted and is currently serving prison time in that case.

Martin received immunity from prosecution in the Wright case. He testified that he went with Turner to kill Wright in Atlanta in a failed murder attempt. Martin also testified that he went with Turner to a Mississippi lake to dump the gun used in the killing.

A Memphis native, Lorenzen Wright played college basketball at the University of Memphis and spent time with the NBA’s Memphis Grizzlies. At the end of the trial, Coffee called Wright “a sacred son” of Memphis.

During Friday’s hearing, the judge cited Turner’s past convictions for kidnapping, gun and drug charges as he added years to the life sentence.

“He is a dangerous offender,” Coffee said. “He had no hesitation committing this crime.”

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‘Fences’ review: Exceptional cast makes the most of tentative approach at American Blue Theater

There’s a lot to live up to for anyone producing August Wilson’s Tony- and Pulitzer Prize-winning drama “Fences.” The sixth play in Wilson’s vaunted 10-play Pittsburgh Cycle is a towering emotional epic that’s comparableto Greek tragedy in its elemental depiction of troubled father-son and husband-wife relationships.

In director Monty Cole’s staging for American Blues Theater, Wilson’s 1950s-set drama swings for the fences with mixed results. Despite strong leading performances and an ensemble that doesn’t flinch from going big with the rawest of emotions, the staging is hampered by sluggish pacing and tentative moments when Wilson’s rich, rhythmic dialogue becomes more laborious than lyrical. The brilliance of the words glimmers through in shards rather than full light, resulting in a tantalizing but frustrating production.

The plot follows 53-year-old city garbage collector Troy Maxon (Kamal Angelo Bolden), once a Negro League baseball phenom with stats rivaled only by the likes of Babe Ruth. He had more than enough talent to be a star in the Major Leagues, but by the time Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in 1947, Troy was well past his prime. As his skills and prospects diminished, his bitterness grew.

Troy’s youngest son Cory (Ajax Dontavius) is also a gifted athlete, a high school football star with a college scholarship within his reach. But as Troy’s wife Rose (Shanesia Davis) celebrates that news, she’s met with virulent hostility from her husband. Disillusioned by his own treatment at the hands of professional sports and deeply conflicted that his son could succeed where he did not, Troy is not afraid to actively sabotage his son’s career to make a point.

Wilson makes that father/son conflict roil with heat and profundity, elevating a classic man vs. man trope into high drama as elemental as a hurricane. Rose, meanwhile, is the backbone of the family, her generosity and matter-of-fact authority serving as an uneasy bridge over the troubled waters raging between Troy and Cory.

There are no wasted words in Wilson’s dense, winding dialogue. Even the most seemingly offhand conversation or quasi-drunken aside in “Fences” is layered, as Wilson tackles everything from the inflated prices the only local store charges for produce to the institutional racism that cost Troy his baseball career and kept him on the back of the garbage truck — never in the driver’s seat –for years. It also tackles the fallout from Troy’s swaggering machismo, which manifests in his bouts of raging, barely controlled violence.

‘Fences’

In addition to Rose and Cory, the frequent targets of Troy’s temper include his brother Gabriel (Manny Buckley), a veteran who guards against phantom “hellhounds” only he can see and speaks of conversing with Saint Peter at the gates of Heaven.Troy also has an older son, Lyons (William Anthony Sebastian Rose II) who is determined (much to Troy’s disgust) to be a musician. Finally, there’s Troy’s best friend Jim Bono (Martel Manning). Both are garbage men, emptying the bins into the truck’s gaping maw, living for the moments when they can kick back with a flask and dream of better things.

Bolden’s mercurial Troy and Davis’ regally authoritative, deeply compassionate Rose anchor “Fences.” Bolden has an unmistakable charisma even when Troy is inflicting ruthless cruelties on his loved ones. Davis brings a formidable light and steely-spined dignity to Rose. This is a woman who knows precisely how and when to wield unquestioning authority.

Wilson’s dialogue is filled with nods toward powers beyond the pale of the earth’s parameters. Buckley’s angelic Gabriel carries a horn, the better to alert St. Peter to open the pearly gates. Troy challenges both the Devil and Death to battle.

Best friends and co-workers Jim (Martel Manning, left) and Troy (Kamal Angelo Bolden) share their views about life in “Fences” at American Blues Theater.

Michael Brosilow

That unearthly aspect of “Fences” is emphasized in Yeaji Kim’s scenic design, which has the set enclosed on two sides by the audience and the other two by the titular fence, an edifice that almost dwarfs the cast as it vaults above them. A bench flush against one side of the wall allows Cole to keep most of the cast on stage at all times, watching and reacting to the action in the manner of a Greek chorus. Lighting designer Jared Gooding periodically bathes the stage and its players in red, as sound designer Rick Sims’ subtly discordant audio creates an uneasy, otherworldly effect. The ethereal lighting and soundscape are initially effective but ultimately repetitive and cumbersome enough to contribute to the pacing issue that hampers “Fences” throughout.

American Blues Theater’s staging gives the show’s complicated metaphors and characters traction. Tighten up the pacing and lose the tentativeness that sadly defines some of the dialogue, and this production of “Fences” could truly resonate.

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Time for the White Sox to hit the panic button

After a loss to the Angels on June 29, the White Sox’ sixth defeat in an eight-game span, pitcher Michael Kopech delivered a message to anyone who cared to listen. He wanted people to know that, despite the team’s exasperating mediocrity in the first three months of the season, freakouts were nonexistent in the clubhouse.

“Nobody is panicking,” he said.

My immediate thought then was the same as it is now: No, please, start panicking. Panic like a cornered dog. Panic like someone who forgot about an exam that starts in two hours. Activate the fight-or-flight response and, while you’re at it, forget about the flight part of the equation.

Panic would suggest a racing heart rate, which would suggest concern, which would suggest that the players and the manager are worried about losing their jobs, which would suggest they might want to, you know, do something!

Nothing else has worked for the Sox. One guy plays well. Five other guys don’t. Players get injured. Players return from injury. Six victories in seven games are followed by eight straight losses. Up and down. Down and up. It’s almost as if .500 has a magnetic pull for this team. The Sox have been in third place in the American League Central for more than a month, and they’ve mostly been four to six games out of first place since May 21. This is baseball being played on a hamster wheel.

Half a season would seem to be a decent sample size. The sample says the White Sox are so-so, a major disappointment because they were supposed to be so good. Despite being down a few players due to injury, they still have talent, which is why Kopech was preaching calm after that late-June loss in Anaheim.

“We know we are a good team and we can turn it around tomorrow if things go well,” he said. “It’s frustrating, yeah, but I think we know what we are capable of.

“We keep getting asked about how we feel about it. Look, nobody wants to lose, and the guys that are on the field every night, I promise they want to win more than anybody else that’s thinking about the team. So, yeah, we are not happy that we are not winning.”

The time for that kind of thoughtful analysis is over. It hasn’t led to consistent winning. Knowing what you’re capable of and being what you’re capable of are two different things, and it’s clear the Sox have no idea how to make the transition.

I’m not suggesting that someone on the team should recreate Chris Sale’s infamous Edward Scissorhands meltdown … wait, maybe I am. Remember? The former Sox pitcher taking a pair of scissors to throwback jerseys in the clubhouse in 2016 because he thought they were ugly and because he thought the club was putting a promotional campaign ahead of winning? It was a blowup of massive proportions. Sale, now with the Red Sox, had another eruption the other day after a rehab start didn’t go the way he wanted. Video captured him tearing up a runway to the dugout of Boston’s Triple-A team.

Some of you will say that grown men having temper tantrums is more of an embarrassment than an answer. I would agree in almost every case. But this is the case of a team that can’t seem to find itself, possibly because it can’t find its heartbeat.

It starts at the top. The criticism of Tony La Russa is that, at 77, he’s lost touch. I wonder if we’ve cowed him into being something he shouldn’t be: passive. He came to town carrying an olive branch. Is it possible he’s gone too far out of his way to play nice with everyone, players and media alike, to show that he’s not the ornery cuss he used to be? Is he better when he’s fiery?

Perhaps the players are following his subdued lead. Perhaps it’s time for some emotional dudes. Zeal and ferocity don’t always do for a baseball player what they do for a football player. But nothing else has worked.

I’m just spitballing here. By the way, if spitballing were a sport, the Sox would be .500 at that, too.

Fury. Anger. Panic. They’re all cut from the same emotional cloth. Whatever the Sox are wearing at the moment, it’s not made of that fabric.

“It’s tough right now,” Kopech said after giving up four home runs in a loss to the Twins on Tuesday.

He’s getting closer to a possible answer.

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Chicago Cubs avoided a mistake with missed Javier Baez extensionJordan Campbellon July 8, 2022 at 6:38 pm

When the Chicago Cubs took a wrecking ball to their entire core at the Major League Baseball trade deadline last season, there was some surprise that shortstop Javier Baez was included in the fire sale as he was the one player that many thought the Cubs would be able to reach an agreement on a long-term deal with.

Instead, the Cubs traded Baez to the New York Mets along with veteran pitcher Trevor Williams in exchange for top outfield prospect Pete Crow-Armstrong. Armstrong has ascended towards the top of the Cubs’ prospect rankings while Baez is now on his second team since being traded by the Cubs last July.

Baez is currently with the Detroit Tigers and is playing baseball in Chicago this weekend for the first time since his trade from the Cubs. While speaking with reporters on Thursday, Baez reflected on just how close he was to signing a long-term contract extension.

“I know we were really close at some point, but then everything happened around the world with the pandemic,” B?ez said. “It changed everything for everybody. It’s not judgment for that. I’m happy, and everything happened for a reason.”

By most accounts, Baez was indeed close to signing an extension with the Cubs after the 2019 season and it is believed that the Cubs’ offer was more lucrative than the six-year, $140 million contract that the veteran shortstop signed with the Tigers this past season.

For as much as Baez is loved by the Cubs’ fan base, there is no question that the team avoided a major mistake with Baez never signing the offered deal.

Baez has struggled with the Tigers this season as he is currently hitting .211/.249/.366/.615 this season with only 8 home runs. Baez’s 71 wRC+ and 0.4 fWAR also highlight how much he has struggled offensively for the Tigers this season.

The Chicago Cubs’ inability to sign Javier Baez was actually amazing for them.

Meanwhile, for the Cubs, not having Baez at the shortstop position has led to a breakout season from Nico Hoerner. Hoerner is hitting .301/.339/.410/.749 and has emerged as one of the best defensive shortstops in all of baseball.

With a FanGraphs defensive rating of 9.7 and recording 9 outs above average, Hoerner is tops in Major League Baseball at the shortstop position.

At the age of 25 and under team control until 2026, Hoerner could be the piece in which the next Cubs’ core is built around.

Looking beyond Hoerner, Crow-Armstrong has thrived in the Cubs’ farm system since being acquired by the team from the Mets in the Baez trade. Crow-Armstrong hit .354/.443/.557/1.000 in 38 games with the Cubs low-A affiliate this season before being promoted to the team’s high-A affiliate.

CATCH OF THE YEAR!!

Top-3 @Cubs prospect Pete Crow-Armstrong is a magician. What a play!#SCTop10 @ESPNAssignDesk pic.twitter.com/mcfXMhK9J7

— South Bend Cubs (@SBCubs) July 3, 2022

The praise for Crow-Armstrong continued this week as he was named to the MLB Futures Game that will kickoff All-Star week for Major League Baseball on July 16.

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Chicago Cubs avoided a mistake with missed Javier Baez extensionJordan Campbellon July 8, 2022 at 6:38 pm Read More »

What’s the Deal With Automobile-Brand Tag Lines?

What’s the Deal With Automobile-Brand Tag Lines?

I’m posing my lead-in question in Seifeldspeak because I’m as flummoxed, vexed, bewitched, bothered and bewildered as he was in his stand-ups. And, as in his stand-up openings , I’ll try to answer my own question to the best of my shriveling abilities.

Mind you, about half the tag lines I run across in general knit my brow in bemusement or arch it in amusement. But before I take a stab at explaining the reasons leading to some conclusions (I’ve saved that for this blog’s conclusion), I’m cataloging car-brand tagline violations exclusively. Why? Because the car-brand category has recorded the thickest rap sheet. Here goes:

Mercedes. The best or nothing. In short, if you can’t afford a Mercedes, don’t bother driving. Unless, hmm, they mean if you can’t afford a Lamborgini, don’t drive anything–and that includes a Mercedes. Who knows?

It’s not a car, it’s a Volkswagon. Maybe if they had said “It’s not just a car….” As it stands, this tag line doesn’t rule out the possibility that it may be a Roman chariot. Or perhaps even a brussels sprout.

Unleash a Jaguar: The metaphor would work if we could find any human who walks his pet jaguar for an daily poo poo and pee pee.

Cadillac. The Penalty of Leadership. Poor, poor Cadillac. Hope it’s not a 15-yarder for illegal grounding. Being grounded is not a good look for a Caddy.

Hyundai, It’s your journey. Own It. Frankly, this is an abject tautology. Anything that yours, you , well, already own. Don’t you? It would be much better if you owned–instead of the journey–the car itself. Wouldn’t it?

Alfa Romeo: Beauty is not enough. Depends. For instance, if I got a date with, say, Penelope Cruz…well…

The car in front is a Toyota: Always wanted to know what brand that slowpoke beater was–the one causing that half-mile backup.

Audi. Never follow. Same defect as that Toyota above. Another damn slow beater, but this one will cost you more.

Saturn. Like always. Like never before. Like, whaaat?

Mercury. Live life in your own lane. Forgive me, but isn’t that encouragement to become a criminal. Or maybe Mercury is just suggesting you’re allowed to drive full time on the side road. Also against the law.

Plymouth. The pride is back. Drive an American. Apparently Plymouth wasn’t very proud of the cars they had been recently manufacturing. Message to those of you who bought them: “Too bad, suckers”.

Plymouth: Isn’t this the kind of car America wants? Here’s a slogan just begging for the answer “NO”.

Wouldn’t you really rather a Buick? Really? Again? An immutable rule of slogan–devising should be: Never, never, never ask a question that pleads with a few hundred-thousand smart-alecks to intone–in simultaneous chorus—NOOOOO!

Chevy: Find new roads. Okay already, Chevy, we already know about America’s crummy highway infrastructure. And that your suspension may not be able to handle any of the bumps, potholes, crumbling surfaces, etc.

Saab. Find your own road, Saab. apparently not quite satiated in pinching most of Chevy’s “Road” slogan ( snugly above) scanned Stephen Potter and decided to one-up Chevy. Subtext: “Hell with you, GM, we don’t have to hunt for (and maybe trespass on) no stinkin’ new roads; we can find ones we already own.

Chevy. The more you know, the better it looks. Cavalier. We’ll be there. Looks like the corporate decision makers couldn’t make up their minds between two proposed slogans. So they called it a dead heat, decided to buy both, called the two a single sloan, called it a day and wobbled off to that day’s thirteenth Meeting.

And now for the car consumer who buys into the idea that an inanimate machine deserves to be winched up to the emotional altitude occupied by ones own spouse, children, parents, grand parents, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. …..,there are these :

Love It’s what makes a Subaru a Subaru: And here I thought it was mostly robot technology. How foolish of me.

Volvo: For the love of the car. With commercials underscored by a recording of the song “Love Swede Love.” Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

Honda. It must be love. On the other hand, that dizzy spiraling feeling that’s making you swoon might just be carbon monoxide poisoning..

Chrysler: Drive=Love. Drivel=Chrysler.

Chevy. The heartbeat of America. Motoring Love means no triple bypasses.

Okay, that’s enough Love for one blog

Ford. Built for the road ahead, But if you prefer, costly options: Reverse gear. Turn signaling.

Ford. Go further. If someone had appointed Ford CEO’s fourth grade English teacher, Miss Pringle, on the slogan-approval committee, I have a sneaking suspicion that the line would have been corrected to “Go farther.”

Mercedes. Engineered to move the human spirit. Apparently Mercedes models come pre-haunted by eerily active specters. Yet, This slogan must have increased sales among Ghost Busters. Nobody else had a ghost of a chance getting the drift of it.

If it’s not trail rated, it’s not a Jeep. Was there ever a more patently disingenuous act of verbal slight-of-hand? Just confect your own artificial category with its own artificial name, and then it’s just a matter of snapping the fingers of that hand to proclaim that nobody else measures up to your artificial benchmark, Anybody who failed to see through this ruse, doesn’t deserve the Badjack Medal of International Perspicacity.

And then there are three Freudian approaches to selling cars.

Everyone dreams of owning an Audi: I don’t know about you guys, but my dreams involve Penelope Cruz, Beyonce and Kiera Knightly, no Audi in sight. As for you women out there, I’m betting that Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper and Colin Furth crowd out Audi from your sleepytime dance-cards.

2.Honda, The power of dreams. What ad agency blue-skied this miasma of psychotherapy-gone-berserk, Freud, Freud & Freud? Clearly a Freudian slip away from reality.

3. That’s not your imagination. That’s the Plymouth. Comfort for any hallucinating schizophrenics.

Alfa Romeo: Beauty is not enough. Depends. For instance, if I were dating, say, Beyonce this time..well….

It’s different in a Saturn: I guess test-drives include boinking in the back seat.

(Two Subaru slogans might as well have been welded into one. )

Think. Feel. Drive. + When you get it. You get it, Frankly, I didn’t get either —-separate or together.

Mitsubishi. Wake up and drive. With each test drive, one sniff of cocaine supplied. Customers already Woke need not apply.

Fiat. Hand-built by robots. Hey, Fiat, either you’ve tried to be ironic and failed, or the translation from the Italian failed. If irony was intended, it didn’t work. What’s more it crept beyond contradiction and into stark collision.

Mitsubishi. Drive at earth. Hey, Mitsubishi, either your test drives take place in a soy-bean field or the translation from the Japanese failed.

Mazda. Zoom Zoom Zoom. With Mazda’s encouragement, some buyers probably wound up among their state’s top-ten speeding-ticket recipients. And some of them have to face the gloom gloom gloom of their driver’s license’s doom doom doom. Rumor has that Mazda is working on a model with even more horsepower. Motto: Vroom Vroom Vroom. Driving with this much power and this much urging from Mazda, buyers might just end up in an early tomb tomb tomb.

Phew! I think that’s enough for now.

And now, in conclusion, my take on why slogans wind up–or should I say wind down?–in bottomless sinkholes of vapidity.

We all know the epigram “a camel is a horse designed by a committee”. Let me submit that a slogan is all too often a catch phrase ratified by a committee.

I’ve been to a slogan-presentation or two myself; so take my word for it that this happens all to often. A spellbinding ad agency creative director spins out his pitch with vocal glissandos calculated to hypnotize a corporate committee made of starry-eyed Babbits in possession of about a much cultivation as a set of plastic forks. Typically, one exec is reading the room, checking out the body language of the higher-branch primates . (This is the only skill he’s managed to evolve over his years moored in middle management But it’s good enough to warrant a seat at the conference room table). Other tree dwellers there are too embarrassed to admit they don’t come close to extruding any meaning from the CD-prescribed slogan So they decide to just like it. Yet others are so transfixed by the swaggering march of the CD’s oratory, they unconditionally surrender to the irresistible force of the rationale he’s advanced. (ne or two–though themselves silently deeming the slogan’s meaning blurry and elusive– figure that the generally anesthetized public–believing as they do in all other sorts of poppycock– will somehow accept the idea that the slogan must make sense. Besides, it’s near lunchtime and most in the coterie are eager to get their clutches on those lunchtime cocktail glasses awash with all manner of Martini. Oh, and let us not forget the leader of the pack, the CEO. It’s not unusual for him (usually a him) to figure that the slogan–though perhaps a bit vague—is, above all, high sounding. So, he reckons it’s Good Enough. After all, he hasn’t much more to go on. Bottom line, one primate, the CEO, confidently, enthusiastically, unanimously okays the slogan.

If you think that decisions can’t be reached so brainlessly in Committeeland, consider this. A car-brand committee once brainstormed a model named after two avowed enemies of each other–indeed two populations history tells us slaughtered each other with regularity and elation– The Jeep Cherokee Pioneer.

And thus an inorganic camel was born.

T

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Former NBA referee and Hall of Famer Evans dieson July 8, 2022 at 6:57 pm

Former longtime NBA referee Hugh Evans, a member of the 2022 class of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, died Friday morning, his wife, Cathy, told ESPN’s Andscape.

He was 81.

Evans was officially named to the hoop hall April 2, on his third try. He was an NBA referee from 1973 to 2001 who officiated 1,969 regular-season games. Evans also refereed 170 playoff games, 35 NBA Finals contests and four NBA All-Star Games. He was ranked as the second-best official in the league by coaches, general managers and the NBA senior vice presidents during the 1995-96 season.

After retiring in 2001, Evans worked as an NBA assistant supervisor of officials for two years. He also is a member of the New York City Basketball Hall of Fame and North Carolina A&T Hall of Fame. Evans, one of six NBA referees to be named to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, will be inducted posthumously Sept. 9-10 in Springfield, Mass.

When asked about being named to the Hall of Fame earlier this year, Evans said: “I still haven’t put into perspective what it means. I am still processing it. Every time I hear it, you get chills, I get tears, I get happy, and I just know that I am special. I was chosen to be special by God.”

Evans became the second NBA referee from a historically Black college or university, after starring in basketball and baseball at North Carolina A&T. The first was Ken Hudson, who attended HBCU Central State University in Wilberforce, Ohio, and refereed in the NBA from 1968 to 1972. Nine of the 73 NBA referees during the 2021-21 season were from HBCUs, according to the National Basketball Referees Association.

Evans said he took pride in being an NBA referee from an HBCU. The biggest challenge he had being a Black NBA official was becoming widely respected and overcoming institutionalized racism, he told Andscape in 2021. He said his professionalism on and off the court, which included his storied sharp dressing to games, eventually got him that respect.

“Being accepted by the coaches, players, fans and general managers was difficult,” Evans said. “They didn’t think we [Black referees] could do the job. I was the first Black to work past the first round of the playoffs. I went on to do the Finals. After a while they said, ‘This guy is good. We will give him space.'”

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Former NBA referee and Hall of Famer Evans dieson July 8, 2022 at 6:57 pm Read More »