Lose Weight With Designer Hot Dog Water

Lose Weight With Designer Hot Dog Water

If you clicked on this blog purely based on the title without knowing what a deluxe smart aleck I am, you have my abject apologies.

But then again, if you are a green kale shake-drinking individual hell bent on doing unspeakable things (like drinking kale shakes) for a chance to lose a few pounds, drinking bottled hot dog water selling for $38 a bottle may not seem that far-fetched to you.

It didn’t seem to be a few years back at a Car-Free Day festival in Vancouver, British Columbia.

At the festival, instead of chuckling quietly or ignoring the Unfiltered Hot Dog Water stand, dozens of folks bought a bottle — about 60 bottles in all at $38 bucks. What started out as a joke appeared to be catching on.

Hot Dog Water CEO and Smart-Aleck Supreme Douglas Bevans played along. He claimed, “We’ve created a recipe, having a lot of people put a lot of effort into research and a lot of people with backgrounds in science really creating the best version of Hot Dog Water that we could. The protein of the Hot Dog Water helps your body uptake the water content, and the sodium and all the things you’d need post-workout.”

I could just imagine the bottles poking out of designer gym bags of women with pipestem legs hoping for peers to ask about it, especially given the price point.

Eventually, Bevans Came clean. “Hot Dog Water in its absurdity hopes to encourage critical thinking related to product marketing and the significant role it can play in our purchasing choices. It’s really sort of a commentary on product marketing, and especially sort of health-quackery product marketing.”

Paging Doctor Oz.

Green coffee extract, Garcinia Cambogia, Raspberry Ketone, Conjugated Linoleic Acid (CLA), Safflower oil, Hot Pepper Jelly, and Red Palm Oil are waiting to speak with you.

Once upon a time, I checked into a Marriott in Brooklyn, New York, and I was thirsty after having just had a Sabrett’s cart hot dog with tomato-onion sauce on it. (When in New York ….)

In my room,I noticed two square bottles of Fiji Water on  a little stand. I gulped down both with great relish and gusto.Tasty water! How nice of the hotel! Next day, two more bottles appeared – and two more the day after that! Boy, is this place going to get a good review!

And then I checked out. $60 in bottles of water was added to my bill.

Ten bucks a bottle.

I learned something then. Water can help you lose weight, if you drink enough of it. But it doesn’t have to come in a square bottle.

And it certainly doesn’t have to have a hot dog floating in it.

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Mark Andel

As a former theater critic for the North Loop News and a reviewer of local bars for Timeout Chicago, as well as an occasional beer writer for the Tribune Redeye, I love Chicago for all its quirky, out-of-the-way places, and its character — not to mention its characters. And hot dog stands. I’ve been a reporter, a dock worker, an advertising copywriter, an English teacher, and now — a hot dog blogger. Who would have figured? My partner in this endeavor is Hot-C, also a teacher — and a great wife. Get in touch: markandel@aol.com.

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