Comedians Defying Gravity
If marriage is salad, Paul Farahvar will have the fries!
Paul Farahvar is a catch. But good luck catching him! This accomplished comedian and attorney in his forties will not be walking down the aisle anytime soon and maybe never. But dating is another story. He has cornered the market on funny, honest relationship tales in his podcast Singles Only. He also uplifts hearts and minds with the shows he created and hosts at Laugh Factory: Drink, Date, Laugh and Everyoneâs A Lawyer and his live Instagram show Stuck with Paul.
In all these venues, digital and live, heâs an inspiring interviewer, revealing stories that are legendary, insightful, funny, and inspiring from the resilient, the spurned, the adamantly single, the divorced, the dumpers and dumpees, and from the phoenixes risen from the ashes of romantic catastrophe to thrive another day. On Singles Only, Paul includes a âVoice of Reason,â usually a married comedian who argues the other side.
Shedding light on loveâs perils and pitfalls is only part of this intriguing comedianâs material. His parents immigrated to the United States from Iran in the 1970s. In his stand-up, Paul says, âI talk about [my family background] onstage nearly as much as being single.â As he says, heâs âleaned inâ to his Iranian heritage even with right-wing red-hatted audience members in the front row.
Paul was named one of âTop 40 Up and Coming Comedians in Americaâ and was one of âTop 40 under 40â lawyers in Chicago. When the COVID shutdown began, he was quick to support Chicagoâs hard-hit comedy community with funds and pro bono legal counsel. The pandemic forced him to postpone his long planned stand-up tour and raised the question of what to do with all the merch he hoped to sell along the way. He is still selling it, but now all proceeds go to Chicago comedy club staff and comedians in need.
Paul kindly spoke with me by phone about making the leap from court to comedy club, the beauty of Bahaâi, and some personal insights into life, dating and marriage. (Donât tell my husband about Paulâs seven-year free agent theory!)
FAMILYÂ
Teme: I love hearing about your familyâs roots in Iran, a place Iâve always wanted to go. When did your family arrive here?
Paul: My parents moved to the United States in 1970, way before I was around. My dad had a [medical] residency here. They were thinking of going back, but then the Iranian revolution happened in 1979. My parents arenât Muslim, and thereâs no religious tolerance in Iran, so they could not go back. My dad is Jewish and my mom is Bahaâi, both persecuted pretty heavily in Iran.
Teme: Do you ever go to the Bahaâi Temple in Wilmette?
Paul: I do. Itâs one of the seven wonders of Chicago. When people come to Chicago, right after I talk about Portilloâs, the next place I tell them is the Bahaâi Temple which I think is beautiful. Itâs just a peaceful place. Itâs open late, too, and you can walk around at midnight.
When we were kids, my parents let us find our own faith, so we did a little of everything. The great thing about the Bahaâi religion, is they believe in inter-faith marriage and all the prophets. My parents let my older brother and me go to the Temple for classes. I donât practice it, unfortunately, but I do think there are a lot of cool things and the Temple is amazing. I love showing it off to people. The Bahaâi Temple was a big part of why my parents moved to Chicago. We moved to Chicago, actually Lincolnwood first. I remember when I was a kid they were thinking about moving up to Wilmette to be near it.
TATTOOS
Teme: Iâve noticed the tattoo on your arm. What does it say?
Paul: All my tattoos are a symbol of a memory for me. I have a microphone on my right arm. My goal when I started comedy was to perform at The Laugh Factory in Hollywood. When I became a regular at Laugh Factory, including Hollywood, I got the tattoo. On my other arm I have âesquireâ because I used to be a lawyer. After I had tried twenty jury trials in the federal and state court, I got a tattoo to remind me that I was a lawyer.
Most recently I got a tattoo across my arm that says, âNobody else can live the life you live,â which is a Mr. Rogers quote. Iâm fascinated by Fred Rogers. Any time a book comes out about him I have to read it. He restores faith in humanity every time youâre down.
On my lower back I have shoe prints. I used to manage and play in bands. My music company was called Shoeshine Boy Productions. I got a shoe print every time one of my bands got signed to a label. I was going to have them go up my back, but after two, I was like, âI should probably stop this.â
My last name is Zoroastrian, an ancient Persian religion, and means âeternal life,â essentially, âwinged man.â So I got that tattoo on my upper back as soon as I found out what my last name meant. I was in my early 30s when I found out what my last name meant and then I got a tattoo, thatâs how smart I am.
COMEDY AND CULTURE
Teme: One of the things I loved learning about Iran is that the history of spirituality there is extraordinary.
Paul: The culture influences me significantly. If you look up the stats, weâre one of the most educated immigrant groups contributing to the economy and holding âessential jobs,â and yet the administration would impose this travel ban. I know a lot of people, family friends who are doctors, who are medical students, who have been American citizens for years that were affected by that ban and it was really sad.
Teme: Â How would you say the culture has influenced you?
Paul: When the travel ban happened or when anything happens in Iran, I lean into it onstage. Thereâs a lot of misinformation. Iâve been in towns where Iâm the first Middle Eastern person theyâve seen. So I try to waive the flag in a white flag-ish sort of way to say, âHey, thereâs no need to freak out.â I have had experiences where people are scared. I was in Reno, Nevada doing shows when the Trump administration shot and killed the Iranian general earlier this year.
I would start, âHey, so Iâm from Iranâ and watch the crowd react. A couple times there were people in the front row wearing Trump hats. I didnât make eye contact with them because I was actually a little scared, but after the show they all bought my shirt.
COURT TO COMEDY
Teme: How did you decide to stop being a lawyer and become a comedian full-time?
Paul: I had done everything I wanted to do with law. I tried cases. I was a partner at a law firm. Then I had my own firm. I was getting more work as a stand-up comic and I felt that I wanted to take a chance and go at it full-time. I had my own firm until right before COVID. So I stopped taking new clients and I just started working full-time as a comic. I had accomplished what I wanted to in law and I got burnt out. Comedy gave me a creative outlet and I got to make connections with people on a nightly basis. It was where my heart was.
Teme: Is there anything youâll miss or wonât miss about law?
Paul: I wonât miss waking up early. Iâm not a morning person. I hated court in the morning. If court were always in the afternoon, I probably wouldnât have minded law as much. I wonât miss the lawyers that made the job harder than it was. There are a lot of great lawyers and I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, but once a lawyer did something shady or to screw me in court, then it was over. I wonât miss that.
I will miss going to court. I loved trying cases. I loved defending my clients and Iâm a big advocate of justice. I will still get involved in things as a lawyer if need be. I definitely help my friends with their cases and encourage people to message me or call me if they have legal questions. I still love the law, but I love comedy, too.
Teme: Did you ever have a chance to make a joke in court?
Paul: I did. I always tried to get the jury on my side with being lighthearted. I did civil litigation, but we had serious issues. If there were just judges and lawyers, I would try to make the judge laugh or make the jury laugh with me. But itâs hard because theyâre not happy people. Juries arenât happy to be there and judges arenât happy.
Sometimes Iâd be self-deprecating. I was always late if there was an early morning call. A lot of judges knew that I did shows late at night, and so a 9:00 or an 8:30 call was always hard for me. So I would make jokes about being late like, âHey, can we make this a 10:00 next time?â
AN INVITATION FROM BOB SAGET
Teme: I read that you started out in improv. How did you move to stand-up?
Paul: I never thought I would make a career in comedy. I was just taking improv classes for fun. I thought it would make me a better lawyer and it was a fun way to meet people. My coach at Second City, Kate Duffy, took me and a couple other people aside, and said, âI hope you keep doing this because you guys are good.â That encouragement was all we needed.
Then I had a friend who was opening for Bob Saget at a sold out casino show. I went backstage with him as his manager, just to keep him comfortable and then my friend was too nervous to talk to Bob Saget. Â So I was talking to Bob and I started telling him something, and then he just looked at me and goes, âIs this a bit? Are you doing this tonight?â And I said, âOh, no. Iâm not the comedian, Iâm just a friend of his.â And he goes, âDo you want to go up and do some time?â
I was like, âNo! Iâve never done standup before. Iâm just goofing around here.â Everyone in the room was saying, âJust go up and do a couple of minutes!â And I was like, âIâve never done stand-up. Iâm not going up for the first time at a sold out show!â I donât know if they were serious or not. I didnât go up, but the next day I went to an open mic and tried that same bit and I had a blast, and I thought, âThis is what I want to do.â
âSINGLES ONLYâ BEGINS!
Teme: Of course I want to ask you about Singles Only! What inspired the podcast?
Paul: Jamie Masada, the owner of Laugh Factory, gave me my own show called Singles Only where we had single comics. The people in the crowd were single and we did interactive stuff and games. I love interactive stuff and I love competition where people come onstage at the end to compete. That show became Drink, Date, Laugh and itâs open to everybody.
The podcast initially was a way to promote the show. I ended up liking the podcast so much that it became its own animal. Iâm talking to everybody about dating, being single, their goals, their journey and why theyâre single.
Because Iâm single, I leaned into that aspect of my life thinking, âIâm an aging single person. Should I get married? I think marriage is an outdated institution. Show me that Iâm wrong.â I thought [my guests] can help me figure out where I am. Over 200 episodes Iâve learned from my guests what I want in a relationship and why Iâm single, and itâs been fun hearing everyone elseâs story.
THE LIFE-CHANGING WISDOM OF âSINGLES ONLYâ
Teme: What did you learn from the folks youâve interviewed?
Paul: Initially, the podcast was supposed to be lighthearted, but some of the episodes become really heartfelt. Weâve had people come on after a bad breakup and people who have reinvented themselves after divorce.
Iâve learned that personal growth is important to people. Iâve learned when Iâm dating not to waste peopleâs time. I learned something from Jim Cornelison that I incorporate in my dating life to this day: if people want to get married and have kids, and theyâre in their thirties and they havenât had kids, he doesnât date them. I do that now, too. I donât want to waste anyoneâs time because I donât think I am going to have kids and I donât think I am going to get married. Sometimes when I say that, people say, âOh, youâre going to change your mind,â but here I am in my early forties and I havenât changed my mind.
My friends who are married say, âIf you donât want to have kids, donât get married. Itâs a lot of work.â I didnât know if I wanted to have kids until my brother had kids and I became an uncle. I was like, âI love being an uncle, but I love leaving when I want to go.â I donât have any responsibility. I love that aspect of it. Once I knew that, it changed my outlook on whether I would ever get married.
I tend to date women who have kids already, who are divorced and share my outlook. A lot of people who have been divorced say theyâre never getting married again. Itâs becoming a more popular cult-like opinion. Iâm trying to make the podcast eventually into a cult. Thatâs the goal.
Teme: That would be a good cult! How do you choose your podcast guests?
Paul: I like to have different opinions and backgrounds, people who are interesting to me. Mostly comedians and musicians. Iâve had a few divorce lawyers and politicians. Renato Mariotti from WGN was a guest. I like to have athletes. Anyone that has a unique journey, whether theyâve always been single or they got divorced, or theyâve discovered something about themselves that makes them different.
Teme: What were some of your most memorable podcasts?
Paul: My favorite podcast was with Joe Kwaczala. He had such a funny story of a date gone wrong. It still hurts my face when I hear him tell stories about that. The one with Geoffrey Asmus was really funny. Joe McMahon, whoâs now married. Jen Zanotti was a fun one, too. Her story was embracing and empowering. Itâs not a funny one, but itâs one of my favorites because she talks about how her life changed after she got divorced and she lived her best life. Sheâs a Jiu Jitsu champion now, a passion she found after she got divorced. Now sheâs in a successful relationship again. Itâs a story for people who are in a marriage thatâs not working and theyâre afraid to leave. Itâs empowering.
MARRIAGE IS SALAD: GET THE FRIES!
Teme: Congratulations on two hundred episodes of Singles Only! Youâve said that you were thinking of stopping at 200, but Iâm happy you didnât.
Paul: Thank you. I didnât think Iâd have 200 episodes, but here we are. Maybe weâll get to 250 and then decide Iâll get married.
Teme: Is it a possibility?
Paul: I know this is an unpopular opinion. I just donât think people want to get married anymore, itâs just something you end up doing because itâs the right thing to do.
Itâs like when you go to a restaurant you want to get a steak or fries, or something big and greasy, and just eat gluttonously. But then you get the salad because you know itâs the right thing to do. Marriage is like a salad. Itâs healthy and itâs a thing you should do every once in a while. Youâre at Portilloâs, do you get the burger and fries or Italian beef, or do you just get a healthy salad? These are the decisions that I think people make when theyâre in a relationship.
Teme: What inspired your seven-year marriage contract theory?
Paul: The âseven-year itchâ is when a relationship hits its downturn. If marriage was a seven-year contract, then there would be less pressure on both people to decide. Itâs like a contract in sports. When youâre up for your contract year, youâre either going to get in shape and have a great year, or youâre going to say, âIâm ready to go to a different team.â
Marriage was until âdeath do you partâ when it was created, but at the time, people were living until they were 35 years-old but with science, people live long lives. You canât expect people to stay with the same people for their whole life.
Watching my parents has shaped my opinion more than anything in life. Theyâve been married for over fifty years and itâs been hard work. I know all fifty of those years were not happy, but now they have each other and there is something to be said about that. So I do see the other side.
COMEDIANS DATING COMEDIANS: GOOD IDEA OR DISASTER?Â
Teme: You say that dating other comedians is not a good idea. Why?
Paul: Oh, itâs the worst idea. They tell you not to shit where you work. Youâre going to see and work with that person. Comedy adds another element because weâre kind of all damaged in some way. Weâre sensitive and if [the relationship] goes wrong, itâs going to be twice as hard as if you were working at an accounting firm together.
Teme: Are some professionals better to date than others? Like are accountants better partners than lawyers?
Paul: Dating lawyers is the worst. Two lawyers do not work together especially if youâre both litigators. Iâve done that and thatâs not healthy at all. The arguments were epic. Iâve dated lawyers in the past and that was bad.
Comedians are unique people. We have crazy hours. Weâre emotionally unavailable and physically unavailable during normal hours. I always push comedians to date musicians or other people in the arts or service industry because they have similar hours. Or date someone comedy adjacent, like a stand-up comedian who dates an improv person. Youâre not on the same path necessarily.
Teme: That makes a lot of sense; compatible but not on a crash course.
Paul: Right. But dating people that are 9:00 to 5:00 jobbers is hard. They donât understand what we have to go through. Itâs so important for us to go to a show even just for a five minute spot. You have to hang out at the clubs to get booked. People that have a 9:00 to 5:00 job donât understand that or they say they do, but when you cancel a dinner date last minute because you got a last minute slot at Zanies, they donât seem to understand as much.
Itâs a hard situation to explain to people. Iâve dated people who have 9:00 to 5:00 jobs. I havenât dated a musician, so I think thatâs probably my next goal.
FORWARD FROM COVID
Teme: Has COVID impacted your perspective?
Paul: Definitely. It makes you think about what you want out of life. In terms of dating, Iâve taken a step back to think about who I want in my life, like people that are going to help you grow and not people with negative energy who are sucking energy out of you. In terms of dating, nothing has really changed in terms of me wanting to get married. It hasnât made me want to get married. In fact, I think most people who are together during this time are going to evaluate their relationships significantly.
There are going to be a lot of breakups and divorces on the other side of COVID because youâre with people more often than you ever were in your life. Three months in COVID is like three years in dog years. If you can survive living with someone during COVID, I think you are made to be together.
Teme: So if you could go on any date with anyone, who would it be and where would you go?
Paul: My ideal date would be with Heather Graham. Sheâs my crush. We would go wherever she wants to go. I would take her to Chicago ⌠maybe to Portilloâs and the Bahaâi temple.
ââââââââââââââââââââââ
Find out more about Paul and help support Chicago comedy with a t-shirt at www.paulfcomedy.com or DM Paul on Instagram.
Singles Only podcast episodes here!
You can find Stuck with Paul on Instagram.
New videos every week on Paulâs YouTube channel, including Singles Only and clips from Laugh Factory shows and stand-up.
Paul also hosts the podcast Make Us a Mix Tape with Marty DeRosa.
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Meet The Blogger
Teme Ring
Iâve been a comedy fan since age four when Moe Howard asked me, âWhatâs your name, lilâ goil?â Fortuitously somehow by way of Washington, D.C., Poughkeepsie and Jerusalem, I ended up in Chicago, the comedy Mecca of the world where comedians are kind enough to give me their time and where I was lucky enough to meet the great Dobie Maxwell who introduced me to the scene. You can reach me at: [email protected]. (Please remember the âwâ there in the middle.)
I am often very reasonably asked, âHow DO you pronounce that?â The spelling is Teme, but itâs pronounced Temmy. -
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