“I almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day
It was gettin’ kinda long
I could-a said, it was in my way”

Let’s be honest, long hair on men has rarely been a good look. Yeah, it looks great on most rock and movie stars, but that’s because they have their own stylists. Before every photo shoot or movie scene, someone is making sure their hair looks perfect. Most of us are not rock or movie stars. Most of us don’t have a hair stylist. Hence, on most of us long hair looks bad….real bad!

The first time I tried to grow my hair out was in the spring of 1970. After a month or so, it had grown halfway over my ears. It looked pretty good…at least in my seventeen year old mind. One day I went to my job at the local McDonald’s. My boss told me I needed a haircut to keep my job. I mildly protested, but he persisted. The hair or the gig. I wanted the cash so the hair went.

I sold out for $1.35 an hour.

A couple of months later, I was off to college. Eight hundred miles away from my fast food boss and my parents. I was going grow out my hair. Six months before even thinking about getting a haircut. The photo at the top is a few months into my freshman year. I’m the boy in the plain gray t-shirt. My hair is flowing in the Oklahoma wind. I’m probably thinking it looks pretty good. That’s what happens when you let an eighteen year old kid think.

It became years before I really cut my hair. Yeah, I occasionally trimmed the ends, but it didn’t get too short. Here’s another example of my look. I’m the one with the wire-rimmed glasses, the beard and the hat. Jerry Garcia had nothing on me! People see that picture and always ask about the hat. My retort is what’s up with the hair and beard?

Eventually, I grew up. I finally got my hair cut. It not only looks better, but it’s easier to manage. It’s also what adults do, right? Occasionally, I’d take a trip back to my youth and try the longer hair look. One year it was a mullet. WOW…why didn’t anyone tell me? Another year, I just let it grow for the winter…and spring. WOW…why didn’t anyone tell me?

Fast forward to 2020. I get a haircut every six weeks or so. Sometimes sooner. It depends on how I think that morning mirror image is looking. When I shake my head and say a nasty word, it’s off to Hair Cuttery or Supercuts.

My last haircut was in February. I usually get it cut pretty short because that gives me some extra time before the next haircut. I assumed I was good until late March/early April. You know what happens when you assume, don’t you? The coronavirus pandemic made an ass of you and me!

As we now know, the entire world is closed. Businesses have been shut down since mid-March. That includes hair salons. It’s hard to social distance when someone is running a comb through your locks.

We see women complaining about this more than men. Yeah, there are a lot of gray roots out there. The only person making big money during the pandemic is Miss Clairol.

But, the guys are suffering, too!

At this point, my hair is now about halfway across my ears. Yes, it’s the spring of 1970 revisited….and no I’m not going to be getting a job at McDonald’s. What looked cute fifty years ago, isn’t quite as cute today. Here’s how bad it looks. I’ve recently been watching Match Game 74. The celebrities have grown out their hair because they think it’s the cool thing to do. The problem is they’re in their mid fifties and it isn’t all that cool. It’s a bad look for all of them.

That’s me today! I’m sixty-seven years old and I look like Gene Fucking Rayburn from 1974! OYYYYYYY!

But there’s nothing I can do about that, is there? The other day, I was thinking maybe I could cut my own hair. Why not, I used to do it in the late 1970’s to save money. If then, why not now. Then I looked at the photo of the dude in the hat. Oh yeah, cutting my own hair is how I ended up like that….OYYYYYY!

Eventually, the world is going to open up and that’ll include hair salons. I can wait until then. I guess I’m just going to have to tough it out like everyone else. Until then, I can pretend that I’m letting my freak flag fly.

“Well, must be because I had the flu this Christmas
Oh, yeah and I’m not feeling up to par
Oh, I tell you baby this increases my paranoia
Yeah, like looking in my mirror and seeing a police car”

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