Make no mistake about it the world’s economies are in for a world of pain as mandatory social distancing measures cripple entire industries and their related supply chains. No one can say for sure how long it will last or how bad it might get, but it’s possible that the stock market has already priced in the lean times ahead.

For those believe the Dow Jones Industrial Average is predictive and anticipative of greater economic conditions, perhaps the worst is now behind us. Before a sizable pull back this past Friday, last week consisted of a three-day surge that saw the Dow post the largest rally since the Depression era. Monday closed 690 points above the previous trading day, and that put the index in the green four of the past five sessions. 

Maybe the resistance level has been found now amid the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic? There are certainly some favorable signs, starting with reaction to the U.S. government’s $2.2 trillion relief package. The bill is intended to help facilitate corporate hiring, consumer spending, small business loans and other basic building parts of the American ecnomic engine. The plan calls for $1,200 stimulus checks to reach every American in the middle and working classes within three weeks time, but with consumer sentiment falling to a multi-year low in March, there is only so much this monetary amount can do.

For most, this amount will be utilized to cover bills, not acquire any form of capital, but at it’s still better fiscal support than having no stimulus package at all. There are two other factors of greater consequence to the stock market than the stimulus package during the coronavirus inspired crisis.

The first is our global quest to flatten the curve, and not overwhelm the health care system. The second is the rate at which medical science progresses with containment tactics and a safe, widely available vaccine.

On the first point, we’ve seen that social distancing and stay-at-home orders (when adhered to) work. Italy, one of the world’s worst hot spots for the virus, reported 4,050 new COVID-19 cases on Monday, their lowest daily number since March 17. More importantly, their 5-day moving average is now starting to level out, and it looks like they might have passed their peak at this point.

The U.S. which leads the world in both number of people tested and number of cases, has consistently tracked behind Italy, just on a 10-15 day delay.

 In terms of the race for a vaccine, Monday saw news of the U.S. Government reaching a $450 million deal with Johnson and Johnson to get it on a faster track.

Johnson and Johnson claims human testing of its experimental would begin by September and that it could be available for emergency use by early 2021.

Finally, we’ve also seen a blue print for how to contain community spread of the disease. Look no further than Taiwan, where a blend of social collectivism and high-efficiency governing has resulted in an impressive level of containment. The measures implemented in this tiny island nation off the coast of China could be a window into what the new normal is for the rest of us.

The Dow closed at 18,591.93 on Monday March 23rd, a four year low. One week later, it was back up at 22,327.48. Perhaps it’s a false dawn? Or, it could be the opposite, a stock market rebound driven by the good news that’s out there?

Paul M. Banks runs The Sports Bank.net, which is partnered with News Now. Banks, the author of “No,  I Can’t Get You Free Tickets: Lessons Learned From a Life in the Sports Media Industry,” regularly appears on WGN CLTV and co-hosts the “Let’s Get Weird, Sports” podcast on SB Nation. 

You can follow Banks, a former writer for NBC Chicago.com and Chicago Tribune.com on Twitter here and his cat on Instagram at this link.

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Like at all times, there are ups and there are downs.

Miss #1:  We Could Be Testing, Yeah!

Our laboratory is still open, and we came so close to being able to do some COVID testing. As I wrote last year, we planned on entering the field of molecular microbiology (MM), a relatively new technique to identify small amounts of bacteria in a patient sample. Instead of trying to grow bacteria in a petri dish as we do in traditional laboratory cultures, and then using a variety of observational and biochemical techniques to identify which bacteria are present, MM actually identifies the DNA present in a sample and compares it to a “hit list” of known bacteria. This technique is quicker and more sensitive than the current technique but not cheaper–2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

And guess what! MM can identify viruses too. In fact, the equipment we need to bring in for our new MM lab protocol is just the equipment that is used in COVID testing. If only we had obtained it a few months ago!

Sadly, the building process (new lease, budgeting, bidding, waiting for the former tenant to leave the space) took longer than expected, as it always does. Our build-out was completed today (hurray) but the testing instruments and training to use them are no longer available. I trust they are being used wisely at some other laboratory doing COVID testing, but we would have liked to have been able to provide this test for our patients who met testing criteria.

Miss #2: It’s a Puzzlement

After our flopped attempt at a YouTube masterpiece, Barb and I turned our attention to the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle we had ordered to help fill stay-at-home days. It was a difficult puzzle, composed of pictures of classic postcards from around the country–you know, the “Greetings from Sunny California” type. Neither of us is a puzzle veteran, so we attacked the challenge systematically, first the outer frame, then the larger, most obvious colors and shapes. The finely detailed areas came last.

After 4 days and nights of squinting, comparing, and pressing things into place, we had a 99.9%  completed puzzle. Alas, the 1000th piece in the box was a duplicate of piece 999 and we were left with a giant hole in Fargo, North Dakota. Aside from Frances McDormand, I have never given much thought to  Fargo, North Dakota–but when this COVID thing is over, I want to go there and look for my missing piece.

The Haiku Hit

Earlier this month I posted a number of Haiku I had written about our COVID world, and the world seems to have appreciated them. The Haiku have been read in almost 40 countries, including Japan. I’d like to share some of the verses readers have sent in response.

From Dr. Andy Curtis in Canada:

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  Hi! I am Les, a practicing pathologist living in the North Suburbs and commuting every day to the Western ones. I have lived my entire life in the Chicago area, and have a pretty good feel for the place, its attractions, culture, restaurants and teams. My wife and I are empty-nesters with two adult children and a grandchild. We recently decided to downsize, but just a bit! I will be telling the story of the construction of our new home, but also writing about whatever gets me going on a particular day. Be sure to check out the “About” page to learn more about where we plan to go with this blog!

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It’s difficult to reach your business goals if you don’t have the right materials and/or the information to help your business reach the success it’s capable of, especially during these trying times.  These three insights will help you generate the business you’ve always dreamed of.

1.  Find Your Niche

Chances are, you already have a target audience that you are marketing your products to.  Let’s face it, you’re probably looking for ways to increase your market audience and profit…or you probably wouldn’t be reading this article.  Here are the real facts… you don’t have to find a wider audience to increase your sales.

Have you noticed similar characteristics that groups within your target audience have in common?  Maybe you have a group of businessmen, a group of young mothers, and a group of retirees that frequently make purchases.  That is just the set-up I’m talking about.

Pay attention to the individual characteristics of each group, and divide your advertising into similar segments, or niches.  Focus on the specific needs of the group in the advertising products you put out.  General advertisements are not as effective as more specific ads.  Hey, we all sit up and pay attention to someone who recognizes our specific needs and desires!

2.  Create A Unique Selling Point

Why should someone buy from you and not your competitor?  I hate to deal a blow to your ego, but it really has nothing to do with you, your product, or your service.  Yeah, it’s a little self-centered, but customers are attracted by offers that point out the things that benefit THEM.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, create a unique selling proposition that stresses the benefits the customers will receive from doing business with you.  Will they get faster service?  Go ahead and dramatize it, but keep the customer at the focus…”Get free overnight delivery!”  Hey, it tells the customer…you get quick service and a discount on shipping.   Two definite benefits in one statement.

Don’t go out on a limb to create new products and services to get attention.  Just, add a special benefit to the ones you already have… maybe it’s quicker service.  The most effective things to emphasize are the benefits that your competition cannot or is not willing to give.

3.  Offer Your Way To Greater Profits

How many times have you began manhunting?  Sure, as a marketer you scrounge and search for brand new or ancient methods of drawing brand new faces to your place of business.  The fact of the matter is that you don’t have to find new customers for your sales to grow.

No, in fact, you can take the current business you have and send your profits to the moon with one easy technique… make an offer.

Greet every sale with an offer of an item that is related to the purchase.  The offered product doesn’t even have to be yours.  The Internet is wonderful for affiliate marketers who can make great profits selling the material of others.

Making your business grow doesn’t have to be a stressful, backbreaking or frantic process.  Simply implement these three strategies, and watch it bloom!

Easier said than done, I’m afraid.

Oh, Jeez – where to begin? (And please bear in mind, I’m not making light here – this is the single, most dire health event most of us have experienced in our lifetime, unless you were around for the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic.)

So here’s what I can’t handle about the nasty, one-celled little fucker that’s up-ended the entire world:

It’s a nasty, one-celled little fucker that’s up-ended the entire world.

And you thought global terrorism was bad?  Compared to this thing, ISIS, the Taliban and Al Qaeda were a petty inconveniences. Welcome to true germ warfare, my babies.  All I can think about is a one-celled organism with my name on it, on the surface of something I forgot to decontaminate before I touched it.

I can no longer touch my face or, God forbid, chew my pens.

Both bad habits of mine. I had no idea how many times I touched my face on a daily basis until Corona-scourge appeared.  You probably didn’t, either.

Lots of people are dying and more will die.

And I pray to holy God it isn’t you, me or anyone that we know and love. This is the one that keeps me up at night – like tonight – it’s 4:23 AM as I write this. Just a little abject fear of dying.

I have to keep working. I’m the new pariah.

I’m not gonna get into specifics here, but I have a job that I can’t phone in, and we are not closed for the duration.  Virtually my entire neighborhood is home, so every day when I leave for work, I feel like a criminal, or that I’m crossing a picket line.  I fully expect to find “SCAB” spray-painted on my car one morning. I want to stay home.  I’m supposed to stay home.  But I can’t. And there are thousands more just like me. Unless and until martial law is declared, we working pariahs are bearing a ton of guilt, along with a ton of fear. And it sucks.

I hate that our first responders and medical professionals are so incredibly put-upon and in constant danger.

Like their jobs weren’t difficult enough.  We all need to thank God every day that we have selfless professionals like this in our midst, much of the time working ill-equipped and against incomprehensible odds. Absolute heroes.

This damn thing is open-ended – no closure in sight.

This, I think, is the real crux here.  We don’t know when it will peak, level off, if having it gives one immunity for a second-strike, and if there will BE a second-strike.  Or a vaccine, treatment or cure.  Present AND future fear. Really hard to handle such long-term peril.

I can’t get a grip on my fear.

I keep thinking that this is the closest we will come to understanding how the country felt the day in 1941 that Pearl Harbor was bombed. Confused. Not comprehending. Frightened. Uncertain. And looking to State and Federal governments that are feeling the exact same way, yet still have to act.

Over the weekend, I re-read President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s famous speech from the day after Pearl was hit – the “Day Which Will Live In Infamy” speech.

In it, there are parallels to our coronavirus fight that I found interesting:

“… The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.
As Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph—so help us God.”

From Roosevelt’s mouth to God’s ear. (Would that he were with us now!) I can well-understand why Americans danced in the streets on VE and VJ Days.

So take every precaution, my babies. Pray hard and continue taking care of one another. Don’t give up.

And may we one day soon be doing our own victory dance in the streets.

Thanks for reading.  Comments to:  [email protected]

My daughter spent the past couple of weeks at our house, but she headed back to her home for the rest of the shelter in place today. For the few days she was with us, which seemed like months when we lived through them, it felt like we were safe as a family. There were walks with the dog, cooking, a trip to the grocery store, shared viewing of old “House” episodes, and a shared anxiety.

We worked through the stages of grief together—denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. I’m sure we’ll cycle through them again and again. But our first group landing on acceptance meant a huge grocery shopping trip and packing her up to go home.

We realized, without really saying so, that this is the way life is going to be for awhile and we best get on with living. She has lost her job for now, but she still has her apartment and her intense home workout schedule, her roommates, and all of the rest of life’s business.

My husband and I have become online teachers, and we are grateful to have our jobs, our students, and our communities.

I was teaching via Zoom when she left, and for that I am grateful. I’m sure I would have cried had I watched her car leave the driveway. My world is tucked in her grocery bags, among the oranges and carrots. I cannot bear thinking about this invisible beast of a virus licking and spitting her direction. Foolishly I imagine I can protect her if she’s home.

The house is so quiet now. Not as quiet as walks in the neighborhood, where I feel like a character in Stephen King’s “The Stand,” but quiet. It is a relatively peaceful quiet for now. It is punctuated by my dog barking at other dogs and my husband playing drums in the late afternoon.

I’m trying to get on with my life in ways that work for me. It’s a steep learning curve.

I’ve arranged a socially distanced walk with a friend for Wednesday, several Zoom sessions with students and colleagues, and have a to do list I’ll never ever finish. I feel like I’m walking in slow motion most of the time. I can’t get things done. My concentration is splotchy. My emotions are mostly suppressed.

During my Zoom session with students today, they asked if we’d be meeting like this weekly. I told them that most of our work would be asynchronous. I confessed that I scheduled the meeting today mostly because I needed to see that they were ok.

What I saw was people like me, struggling with anxiety and depression, fear, exhaustion, hope. They want to do school work, to write, but they want to go to their jobs and get paid and to feed their families even more. They have children to care for, life to cope with.

Sometimes it feels like moving to online courses is hardest for faculty, but I think the students struggle just as much or more. We are, at least, in control. They are at the mercy of our skill or lack of skill and of our mercy or lack of it. Suffice it to say that mercy is more scarce than I would have hoped.

My writing in this post is much like my brain’s functioning at the moment. I start down one path and then end up somewhere else.

I suppose what I’m saying is that I’m trying very hard to pivot. To learn how to find the closeness and contact with human beings that is so natural face to face, inches or a foot apart. I’m trying to learn how to be a teacher and a mother when neither students nor daughter are nearby.

Landing here on acceptance of life in a pandemic means becoming a new sort of person and contributing to a new sort of community.

Here’s hoping that you are finding the peace and connection that you need and that you are, most importantly, healthy.

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Today’s Sick-O-Meter lists 5057 cases of COVID-19 today in Illinois.  Actually, I believe those are yesterday’s figures, so we can expect a few hundred more by day’s end.

I’ve stopped watching both the federal and state government’s updates on the virus.

What’s the point?  My watching is not going to change the outcome or my personal situation.

My personal situation is physically healthy but I am sliding towards fiscal disease.  I am not working and have a mortgage and other bills to pay.  Thanks, COVID-19.

I have one friend I am desperately worried about.  She has called and is hyperventilating.  She is prone to anxiety and is worried about her own wellness and her sons, both of whom are adults and still working and are adults and living away from her.  She lives alone, and while still working remotely she has to go into her job site to finish monthly reports.  She is afraid to go in. There is little I can say to calm her down.

“I can’t even hug my sons,” she blurted.  “I’m just here by myself.”

Many of us are.

There is only so much cleaning a person can do or feels like doing.  Same with home projects.

The Novel Coronavirus, which causes COVID-19, is only spread by humans, so the thinking has been to keep humans apart as much as possible.  Supermarkets do this by placing X’s on the floors, there are no large gatherings allowed, and every “non-essential” business is shuttered and sinking into insolvency.  We are alone together.

Nun wearing mask, 1918. NY Times

Soon the US Center for Disease Control  CDC is expected to announce that masks are necessary for everybody when in public, reversing the advice given previously that masks are not needed because they do not stop the transmission of the virus and because we, as laypeople, just are too darned stupid to know how to put a mask properly.  This sentiment has been dutifully echoed by a media here in the US that never bothered to question the efficacy of masks to fight the spread of COVID-19.   The World Health Organization WHO stands by the advice still that people do not need to wear masks.

What are we to think with contradictory messages coming from the same source?   Are we to believe that new data suddenly appeared to change the official advise, or will w believe that somebody’s been lying to us from behind their masks?

What will my friend think all alone in her house, having been to the supermarket without a mask just two days ago?

By Laura Miller

If you’re anxious about surviving the global pandemic COVID-19, you’re not alone.

Coping with the anxiety associated with a global virus is completely out of most of our depth of understanding.

At the palm of our hands, we are receiving updated information of virus-related deaths and infected celebrities approximately every ten minutes. Quite frankly it’s frightening. For this reason, the reactive nature of what we are seeing on social media, in our grocery stores, and even with our loved ones, is something that we’ve never experienced in our lifetime.

As a harbinger of hope, I’ve contacted some experts who specialize in coaching their clients/patients through anxiety and depression in hopes that they can help us from screaming about the end of days all over social media. Here’s what they had to share. 

Devon Estes

Devon Estes, M.S., LPC or Licensed Professional Counselor:

• The key is to challenge our fears with the evidence.
• Follow the recommendations and guidelines of real sources like the CDC, WHO, and looking at the practices of other quarantined countries.
• Avoid memes and social media banter; it’s misleading and emotionally provoking either to over-respond or under-respond.
• Err on the side of caution within reason and don’t wait for someone to FORCE you to be cautious. One of the best anxiety management techniques is doing the thing that’s causing us stress.
• Shop for what you need for 2 weeks or so, devise a plan, create safer habits. Worst case scenario you are over-prepared, when has that ever been a bad thing? Once you have prepared, practice the DBT opposite action skill.
• Do things that produce emotions opposite of fear: Relaxing, calming, and joyful activities such as reading a book, working out, watching tv, playing games, crafting, cooking, etc. Social distancing doesn’t mean you have to become a recluse. Practice safe habits and do what you can while you can. One day at a time.

Baron Stewart

Baron Stewart, Mindfulness Meditation Coach: 

This is a time in everyone’s life where mindfulness can unbelievably be helpful.

With the rise of stress and anxiety in people across the world, having the ability to calm oneself down to a state of peace and tranquility is absolutely necessary. It all begins with taking a deep breath! Deep breathing can naturally transition the mind from an emotional state to a logical state of mind. By becoming conscious of each deep breath, we can become conscious of each thought. 

We can choose a new thought and feeling of our choosing! For example, someone  can substitute a feeling of “I’m scared” to “I’m thankful”. After each deep breath you would repeat in your mind, “ I’m thankful”, and with the power of repetition, you will change your thought process and bring yourself to peace. Let’s all come together and become mindful of our breathing and mindful of our power within! 

Many of us have survived things in our lives that within those moments we didn’t think we could recover from. Let this be one of those things that catapults you into a renewed understanding of self.  

We are keenly aware of the severity of this virus and as always please adhere to the health and safety guidelines precautions by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). 

Laura Miller

Laura Miller is a Freelance Writer, Event Coordinator, and Project Manager who has always used creative expression to promote joy and laughter in a world bogged down with serious people, and serious situations. She is a “dreamer and a planner,” and truly believes that without both, you should stay asleep. Follow her on Twitter at : @80sbaby_83.

With COVID-19 changing the world as we know it into an invisible enemy, one of the hardest hit institutions is the American Theatre which has been completely shutdown until further notice.

If and when theaters will reopen and life will be back to normal, no one knows for sure.

As a member of American Theater Critics Association (ATCA) I am privy to coverage from other critics. Together their observations and reporting offer a microcosm of what’s happening to theatre in communities across America.

Some of the coverage offers signs of hope…others signs of despair. Together they paint a picture of how various communities are handling life when the theaters go dark.

VIRUS CRISIS COVERAGE
Here is a sampling of the coverage of the impact of the novel coronavirus pandemic on America’s theater community by members of ATCA.

• Lynn Felder – Local youth theater seeks players for online project
• Michael Grossberg contributed to Coronavirus: Arts groups losing money as central Ohio venues close
• Bill Hirschman – “I’m Still Here” SoFla Theaters Say, But What Will ‘Here’ Be?
• Harry Duke – Going Dark – How to support your local theater in a pandemic
• Tim Leininger interviewed Kristin Chenoweth whose concert at the University of Connecticut was cancelled due to the virus crisis
• Alan Smason – Reported on virus crisis developments on a YouTube program in New Orleans
• Kerry Reid and Karen Topham both covered Teenage Dick livestreaming – Kerry’s is here and Karen’s is here
• Lily Janiak  – Cal Shakes cancels entire 2020 season
• Jay Handelman published seven stories on the virus crisis in the Sarasota Herald-Tribune including Sarasota faces a temporary arts withdrawal
• Jonathan Mandell – World Theatre Day 2020: Celebrate Theater Without Theaters!
• David Siegel shared Deadline is Tuesday for COVID-19 Microgrants in DC

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With all the movies and TV shows recommended via social media feeds, you’d think Netflix concocted this virus in a lab themselves. I mean, dropping Tiger King in the middle of this “stay the hell at home!” order across the country and world?? Netflix, you knew EXACTLY what you were doing…

But kidding aside (because COVID-19 is no laughing matter), I have a plea to the millions, heck, billions, around the world sitting on their couch or looking out the window wondering if COVID-19 will lay siege on their home by way of the mail delivery person or pizza boy: BINGE READ instead of BINGE WATCH.

Hear me out…

How do you feel after watching episode after episode or installment after installment of a TV show, movie, or miniseries? You feel like you have to “eat” more. “One more episode.” or “What else can we watch?” This is addictive behavior, ya know. That’s what today’s TV shows, like drugs, are designed to do: make you crave more.

Now, TV, for instance, has never delivered stronger writing and production. The product is top-notch. This is nothing against our creative brethren in the film and TV production industry (aka “Hollywood”), but this request/soft demand is more a response to the environs in which we reside today.

Sitting at home and consuming film or TV isn’t exactly “good for the cranium.” Sure, a nice respite of your work at home (or worse layoff) is required at times. For screen-oriented entertainment, there are inherent truths we cannot forget. You consume film and TV by sitting and watching and listening.

As the late acclaimed writer and thinker David Foster Wallace put it, “Television is really darn easy. You sit there, you don’t have to do very much.”

You are a hard drive for download. There is no interactivity, nor real stimulus other than emotional firings of the brain.  In other words, it just revs you up. And when the credits are rolling, your brain enters that addictive state — “I want more.” Heck, Netflix doesn’t even GIVE you the option. They just auto-launch the next episode or related show. Hence, the extended, and fruitless, binge sessions.

Open the page…

Have you read in healthy sessions lately? Perhaps an airplane or during a daily commute? Well, that’s gone. So, maybe before you put your head down at night?

Another question to ponder: Have you ever thought about replacing whatever time you watch TV with reading? Non-fiction, fiction, poetry, etc. Doesn’t really matter.

I implore you: Try BINGE READING. Read that book sitting on your nightstand or end table. Engross yourself. Reading is a very personal experience (more on that at the end).

The art of the written word isn’t about the author and all the hours and energy he or she invested to deliver XX amount of words for your provocation or enjoyment… screw their egos. But what about the conversation? A conversation that is a true escape for your mind. A world, a life, a character, a place, a distant land not ravaged by lockdown.

Your brain fires off dozens of levers for imagination, inspiration, motivation, understanding, empathy, compassion, and more. Reading delivers dynamic elements — both right and left sides of that noggin — that you can USE as fuel for your own work and purpose and fun. Oh, and stories on the page can be quite entertaining! How many times have you heard, “The book was so much better than the movie.” There’s a reason for that…

During this COVID-19 pandemic, perhaps one of the greatest gifts we could give our minds is the gift of time in order to read the written word… instead of absorbing light emission activity generated on a screen. Maybe it’ll also deliver a stabilization. There is a great big, world out there. Let’s read all about it. And by the time we’ve filled ourselves with prose and poetry, the world will reopen for us to experience again.

And I leave with you this from Carl Sagan:

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It’s a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.”

***

If you’re looking for something to read, one of The Creator Studio’s members, David Salvi, wrote a new science fiction novel, CANAAN (2020).

This science fiction adventure is a thrill ride from start to finish.

Purchase Here (Kindle or Paperback): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086H2FKV9

I came home from shopping at Aldi a couple days ago.  Actual driving and shopping took about 40 minutes. Not too bad, considering.

I spent another hour in a tizzy, washing and sanitizing the groceries once I arrived home. This was the latest trick I learned from a video on WGN, our local news station. A Minnesota doctor gave a thorough procedure of washing store-bought items to avoid any chance of the items carrying the coronavirus.

CRAZY TIMES = CRAZY ME

Have you ever heard of such a thing?

Where am I?

I’m on Earth.  Listening, hoping, fearing, and praying like many others.

The washing and sanitizing is done.  Food put away.  Counters cleaned once more.  My hands feel tight from all the soap and water, so I grab my hand cream I keep in a kitchen drawer and reapply it for maybe the fourth time this morning.

Back upstairs, to the loft where our home office is located.  I work remotely all day, exchanging heartfelt messages with co-workers and laughing over silly things while we try to keep things lively and not fret over the daily news blasts.

Finally, it’s 5:00 and I log off from the computer.  It’s Friday, yet somehow it seems different.  No plans to go anywhere.  Just stay at home.  My plans include eating and watching television.  Many Fridays I can’t wait to do just that.  But now, everyone is looking for an outlet.

WASH YOUR HANDS!

My husband arrives home – with more groceries!  Grocery shopping is his newest hobby.  I think he prefers the European way of shopping – only picking up several things every few days.  Except he’s forgotten the warnings I told him early this morning about picking up more germs at the grocery store.

“Look, I brought you some red wine,” he says so nicely, holding a bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

I look at him like he’s nuts.  I raise my voice, “I told you not to go shopping.  Stop touching that.  It’s contaminated!”  I run into the bedroom, shutting the door with meaning.  I’m so annoyed that he’s bringing germs into the house. And who’s going to clean all that food?  Me, that’s who.

Where’s my phone?  I need my Calm app to meditate and decompress.  The anxiety and worry plus being shut within the house for two weeks now is getting to me.  I need to relax and not become upset over groceries of all things… because this is just the beginning.  And we all need to get along.

COPING

The next morning my husband convinces me to go with him just for a drive.  He knows me well.  “You don’t even have to get out of the car,” he promised.

The first stop is for an oil change.  He drives to the dealer, and I follow in my own car.  This way he can leave his car, while we run errands in my Chevy.

I gave him the stink eye when he jumped into my passenger seat.  “Since when is an oil change an essential errand? Couldn’t this wait?” I demanded.

“They diagnosed the funny sound I kept hearing and determined the power steering pump needed replacing.”

Okay, that’s important.  I concede that it’s a good thing we dropped the car off.

“Now I just need to run into Pete’s and get milk and potatoes for my mom and dad.  You can wait in the car,” he suggested.

I watch him run into Pete’s, dodging the rain puddles on this gloomy day.  The skies are an ugly grey. Why can’t we at least have sunshine here in Illinois?  It’s the end of March, for goodness’ sake.  I grab my phone and scroll through for social media updates and news briefings.  Nope, I’m tired of everything I’m seeing.

I look out the window and watch a store employee picking up trash in the parking lot.  He uses a long grabber stick to snatch the junk people leave lying on the ground.  He tosses everything into an empty grocery cart.  Everything is soggy, making it grosser than usual. The worker walks next to my car.

Should he be that close to my vehicle? Oh my goodness, Heidi, get a handle on yourself!

I peer out my rain-soaked window and see inside his cart.  Plastic grocery bags, soda containers, burger boxes.  And so many latex gloves.  All in the latest colors.

Across from me is a couple loading purchases into the trunk of their car.  The husband wears blue gloves.  Except, his wife is bare handed.  What is wrong with people?  Following disparate protocols is like… well, like an Independent marrying a Republican.  They just cancel each other out.  What’s the use in even trying?

I think back to the wine my spouse brought home and how I freaked out that he touched it.  I’m losing my mind.

MOVING ON

My husband returns with the groceries for his folks and we move on.  He runs the food into their house, while I sit in the car and play a brief meditation on my Calm app.  Breathe. Relax.  Focus on yourself.  The here and now.  I cannot control outside events.  Breathe. Relax.

My husband finally exits his parents’ home and hops back into the car.  “They should be done soon with my Honda. We can go back to the dealership and wait for it.  Do you mind running by the Dunkin’ Donuts so I can bring the guys some doughnuts?”  He smiles at me.  Sometimes I forget how handsome he is when I’m aggravated.

It’s back to the dealership, where he asks me to wait for him just in case the car’s not quite ready.  I don’t mind waiting inside my car.  At least I have the radio, and I don’t have to walk outside in the cold rain.  I’m immersed in my phone again, when he knocks at my window.  I unlock the door and he gets back in.

“It’s nearly ready,” he said.  “Boy, everyone’s paranoid and there are signs all over the place telling people to keep six feet back.  I had to sign the paperwork for my car, and I reached way over to the cashier window to sign for it but had to keep my feet on the yellow tape on the floor.  I tell ya, I felt like John Belushi in The Blues Brothers movie when he picked up his belongings at Joliet prison.”

I couldn’t help it.  I grinned, looking out my driver’s side window so he wouldn’t see that I was warming up to him.

“Not only that,” he went on, eyes twinkling. “I was telling the guy that I had to cancel my hair appointment.  I said, ‘my hair’s so long, I’m starting to look like Farrah Fawcett!’

“And you know what the kid said back to me?”

“What?” I asked.

“’Who’s Farrah Fawcett?’”

I burst into laughter.

And that, my friends, is how I’ll be managing these stressful days.

Thank you for reading – PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST