When I’m getting ready for a meeting on Zoom, from a committee to coffee hour after church, I find myself thinking of my mother.

She died in March 2006, but she saw one of the problems with Zoom, or at least with one of its forerunners. When we went on a family trip to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, we saw a Bell Telephone exhibit about something called the PicturePhone. You could make a phone call and see the people on the other end — on a black and white TV, but you could see them.

I was young enough, and the row of TVs was high enough, that my face just barely showed on the screen. My mother’s evidently showed too clearly for her.

“What if I’m not ready when the phone rings?” I remember her asking. “What if my hair’s not right?”

I got new eyeglasses recently, and a Zoom meeting on Monday was a good chance to check out how they look and how my makeup looks with them. (They’re OK, Mom.)

So what if I’m not ready? Somebody else on the call may not be, either. What we weren’t thinking of back then was getting codes and other information for “joining meetings” ahead of time. The sudden phone call idea is gone.

Meanwhile, what’s at the Science and Industry (we always left off the word “museum” at my house) that might get us through the next health crisis? It may take us 30 or 40 years to know. No, make that MAY it take us that long before the next crisis.

CHICAGO, IL– November 21, 2020 – The Fashion Film Festival Chicago announced today the winners for the 2020 juried competition; awarding honors in a continued commitment to celebrating filmmakers despite the 9th annual event––previously set to take place during fall fashion week––being canceled due to the coronavirus.

Behind the Curtain (Boeri & Grimaldi) was honored with Narrative Gold; You Are What You Love (Smith) was honored with Experimental Gold, and Fast Fashion (Kuhn & Utfeld) with Documentary Gold. 

Narrative Silver was awarded to Reflection (Roché & Darah); Experimental Silver to  Screentest L.A. (Suppnig); and Documentary Silver was awarded to The Paper Woman (Abubaker).

Co-winners were awarded in Narrative Bronze with the award shared by Blu Cosette (Le Pera & White) and THE TROPHY (Brandao). Co-winners were also awarded in Experimental Bronze with Never Look at the Sun (BALOJI) sharing the award with Vogue Italia (Triana). Documentary Bronze was awarded to Inspired | The Story of Nimany (Auctus Productions).

The Creative Concept Award went to Eclectic Fashion Film (Falsetta); the Eco Sustainable Award went to La Mer (Claramunt); the Fashion Conscience Award went to Fashion is Love (Kaucher & Jenkins); the Essence of Fashion Award was given to The Warriors of Himalaya (Ronot); and the Best Comedy Award went to Eyes Say More Than Words (Alexander).   

The award for Best Cinematography honored Benji Dell for work on You Are What You Love; celebration of the art of hair and make up honored Mark Philguer (Tenerife Makeup) for work on Water for Life; and Gabriele Cavalchi was honored for work on Behind the Curtain in Set Design.

“While the devastating realities of the coronavirus prevented us from coming together to celebrate these incredible films, we are proud to celebrate them in partnership with our generous jurors.” said Festival Director Patsy Campbell. “The jury celebrated a daring, innovative, entertaining, diverse group of films and filmmakers, and Fashion Film Festival Chicago is pleased to honor all of them and provide them with our encouragement throughout the year.”

Founded in 2012, Fashion Film Festival Chicago is an annual festival and competition which aims to celebrate the beauty and art of fashion as captured through and interpreted by the filmmakers’ lens.

My new book called Living Red is out! The journey has been challenging; however, my third book was published this month. When I self-published the non-fiction book, Fun4Babies, in 2013, I worked with infants and in the Early Childhood Education field so the process of promoting and selling it was a wonderful experience. Right after publishing, I got straight to work on writing Riding Waves. Since self-publishing went so well with my first book, I decided to self-publish this one too. I posted it on social media, and I did author and social media fairs, but without that built-in audience to sell it to, I have struggled. I love to write so I started back working on a book I started writing in 2000. When I had this idea for Living Red, which was originally titled Suppression, I switched to focusing on writing this one. Living Red took longer to write and edit, but by 2017, I felt ready to publish it. After less than wonderful sales for Riding Waves, I decided to see if I could get an agent. I knew the process would be difficult, but it was almost as hard to send queries and chapter samples following each agencies guidelines as it was to write an entire book. Some agents never responded, others sent what appeared to be a simple standard template rejection letter, and a few others gave constructive feedback. After three years of trying to get an agent and, of course, revising this book with each rejection, I looked at self-publishing again. I asked myself, “What is my purpose for writing books?” I realized that although making money and reaching a lot of people would be great, my true goal is to share my words as a way to entertain and inspire others as books have been for me. I hope my words do just that for you today!

If you are interested in Living Red, below are the links to read a sample or buy a copy as well as a short description.

Is life really that different in the future?

Living Red on iBooks

Living Red on Amazon Kindle

Living Red on Nook

People can communicate and even travel through their thoughts, but much of what Peyton thinks and feels about are the same as what we experience today. She is searching for meaning and purpose in her life and work while struggling with secrets her grandmother is sharing with her about life before and after the war. Then she meets Dallas, this mysterious young artist who makes her question everything even more as she is drawn to him and his painting in ways that she can’t explain. This growing relationship, her best friend Reese and her grandmother’s secrets send her on a path of self-discovery and adventure. Can she discover the truth and learn to follow her own intuition in this future world?

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

If you like this article, please enter your email address to find out when I post new stuff.

Follow me on Twitter Susan on Twitter

And read more positive thoughts Looking For The Good

All through my day, no matter where I go, or what I do, I am always looking for the good in people, in the world, in my life or even just in my day.

This is from a Canadian professor, according to the Western Standard: “Being ‘not racist’ is a form of ‘racist violence’”

Claiming to be “not racist” is actually a form of racism because it perpetuates the myth that it’s possible to not be racist, says a U of C prof and the school’s vice provost.

“But I’m suggesting that beyond this well known denial of racism, what is particular to what I’m calling “not racism”, is that it contains a definition of racism which is constructed negatively through opposition,” Dr. Malinda Smith said in remarks earlier this month.

“This definition is characterized by the fact that it denies racialized people’s subjective understanding of what racism is and negates this experience. In this way, ‘not racism’ is what I call is a form of discursive racist violence.”

How many times have you heard it runs in my family? How many times have you said it runs in my family? Yes, there are diseases that are common in families. However, we do not have to let our DNA or genetics have the only say in our wellbeing. Just because a disease is common in our family, we can choose a lifestyle that will reduce our chances of getting that disease. Eating healthy foods, exercising, managing stress, getting your rest, not smoking or drinking alcohol in excess can lower your risk of getting chronic diseases that are common in your family.

There are several things you can do to avoid triggering chronic diseases that run in your family. Do not ignore getting an adequate amount of sleep. The amount of sleep needed is different for each person. The Sleep Foundation recommends that adults get seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Sleep deprivation can lead to heart disease, heart attack, high blood pressure, stroke, and diabetes. Sleep helps your body to recover and helps with immunity. Before bedtime avoid caffeine and using the computer or cellphone. Do activities that make you relax. There are essential oils you can use to help with sleep. Some oils to consider include lavender, jasmine, and vanilla. If you have insomnia and cannot sleep talk with your doctor to create a plan to help you sleep.

We all know that nutrition plays an important role in our health. We can become overwhelmed with the thought of making drastic changes. You can start with small changes. For instance, try reducing portion size or swapping some unhealthy items with healthier versions. I gave up eating foods with sugar during the week and have treats on the weekend. That small change caused my health to improve.

Exercise is important for health. It helps to lower blood pressure and control weight. It can improve your mood and help with depression and anxiety. It can lower your risk of heart disease and certain cancers. The Department of Health and Human Services recommends that adults get at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity a week. If you are not exercising you can start small. Take a walk or try some of the free exercise classes on YouTube.

Managing stress is the most difficult of the healthy lifestyle practices for me. When I find myself in stressful situations, I must find ways to cope. I take walks, watch or listen to my favorite comedian, listen to music, pray, or take deep breaths. We all experience stress at times and need to discover healthy coping mechanisms tailored to our individual needs.

You do not have to accept that you will have the same health issues common in your family. You can make healthy lifestyle choices to lower your risk.

Welcome to 30 Adoption Portraits in 30 Days, hosted by Portrait of an Adoption. This series will feature guest posts by people with widely varying adoption experiences and perspectives. 

Whiteness protected my parents each time the police were called.
By Anonymous

When I first learned about disproportionality in foster care while sitting in a graduate school social work class, it put words to my experience in the most backwards way. I sat reading the word over and over, feeling it take on more meaning each time.

“Disproportionality: The underrepresentation or overrepresentation of a racial or ethnic group compared to its percentage in the total population.”

As I read the word that came to life, I sat in the tension of a life lived in whiteness that both enraged and gutted me in a hundred different ways.

I had always known — even as a young child without the words to describe what was happening — that something about the way my parents presented to the world protected my siblings and me from entering foster care, while it simultaneously protected my parents from the consequences of abusing small children.

In my young mind I didn’t know what this force was that seemed to keep us all in a cloud of secrets, impenetrable by the outside world. At times I thought it was God’s protection, other times I was certain it was Satan himself, sometimes I wondered if my reality was not reality at all.

As much as I wanted to get out of my home and be free of abuse, I also didn’t want the horrors that I had heard would await me in foster care. I stood in that tension, sometimes literally. I’d find myself standing shoeless in white tights on the snowy ground after being locked outside, wanting both to run far away from that place, never to return, and to be let back inside.

The push and pull of it all defined my childhood, wanting both the secret to come out, and to be kept. Wanting to be safe, but also wanting to be with my siblings, even if togetherness meant we wouldn’t be safe.

I wrestled with this inner dilemma constantly, feeling I had the control to pull my parent’s masks off and make them seen for who they were. In reality, I never held that power. It was held by a system bigger than me.

Whiteness protected my parents each time the police were called, every time child protective services got involved, every time one of us had a behavioral reaction to growing up in trauma.

They were always given the benefit of the doubt, always seen as credible, because of course, such nice white parents couldn’t be guilty of abuse. “It all must be a reasonable misunderstanding.”

As I wrestled with the powerlessness of something I couldn’t define or make sense of, I didn’t know where to target my shame, relief, and rage so I held it all in and focused the whole of my being on keeping my siblings safe.

And to be fair, it probably didn’t escalate to the level it could have, because our white community, while willing to overlook signs of abuse, kept us surrounded by resources that protected both us from our parents and our parents from themselves. Even when it was ugly at home – there were many places to harbor, as our neighborhood, our larger community was safe and secure.

While I was largely unaware of anything but the chaos around me and my focus on survival, I took the abundant resources around me for granted. I may not have been as lucky as many of my peers, but I had no idea how lucky I was or how differently this all could have looked had I been a person of color.

As I grew and planned my exit – there were jobs to be had, cars to be borrowed, banks to build savings accounts, credit cards to hold, and top-rated schools to rely upon – and my whiteness allowed for the privilege of getting away on my own terms, pursuing higher education, and finding outlets to finally make my voice heard.

Thanks to an incredible network of resources and people, I was able to leave and reclaim my inner power. I was given an ability to make choices for myself about my safety and security. I was granted ample opportunities to lead and grow. I was free and I felt powerful.

I graduated college with the blissful naive optimism of an American white woman who recently found her nearly limitless power. I spun around with an erratic energy that overtook everyone around me. I wanted to use my newfound voice and power to help other abused and neglected children. I searched for communities I believed needed me, both domestically and abroad, determined to help.

I wanted to be the caseworker, the therapist, the advocate I never had. I wanted to be the hero in everyone’s story, and I found the possibilities for power as a white woman in child welfare were nearly limitless. Judges, lawyers, supervisors looked to me for answers about childrens’ futures. It was both terrifying and further empowering.

As I sought to collect more and more power, under the false pretense of selflessness, so much harm was done.

I didn’t recognize my privilege, the biases I held, or my internalized sense of superiority. I didn’t yet know that as good as your intentions may be, if you don’t face the truth and power of your whiteness, you’re going to unintentionally harm the people and communities you enter.

Because somehow, despite knowing intimately that abuse happens in families of all socioeconomic backgrounds, all races, and cultures, I held firmly to this deeply ingrained mental image of victims of abuse being Black and Brown children. This biased view impacted the decisions and recommendations I made.

It impacted who I silenced, who I determined was “aggressive”, and who I gave second chances. I was contributing to the same disproportionate outcomes I had attempted to break free from. I had so much to learn and unlearn.

The communities I encountered along the way stood in opposition to the narrative I had been taught about people who looked and lived differently than me. I had believed anyone could pull themselves up by their bootstraps and succeed, without ever seeing the impossibility of that task in a resource starved community.

How could anyone “make it” if they lived in a neighborhood without jobs, without grocery stores, without transportation, while attending a resource starved school? These people I had come to ‘help’ were intertwined in deep systemic issues that I was only beginning to grasp.

There were so many eye-opening moments, so many rude awakenings, so many moments of seeing myself and the things whiteness had protected me from. I collected these learnings and processed the information painfully slow.

It took me far too long to realize I was adding to the problem, to see that disproportionate outcomes came from the same biased ideals that I held and operated from.

The more people I met and stories I heard, the more I was struck by my own selfishness. I was forced to reflect that in truth, I was here, not to help, but in the pursuit of more ways to elevate myself. In a selfish attempt to free myself from the powerlessness that I carried as a survivor of abuse, I had inserted myself into the lives of people I unconsciously believed I was superior to and attempted to make myself their hero.

I still have so much to learn, I still have racist ideas that I need to unpack, and I am not alone. This is not a journey where I arrive. I have to intentionally stay humble, willing to grow, and quick to listen. I make mistakes and I acknowledge and apologize and listen more.

It isn’t being a savior that will free me from the shame and trauma I hold close to my chest, it’s my own personal work, the journey of unlearning and setting down my defenses.

Each of us in the foster-adoption world needs to do the work. Every caseworker, lawyer, judge, therapist, foster parent needs to do the work of untangling white supremacy. It’s an important part of ensuring proportionate outcomes for our children.

We each need to dismantle our own bias so we can better fight the racist systems that harm. We all have racism and bias that we need to unlearn. Join me in setting down our defenses; let’s together set a priority to grow and learn, all our children and communities will be safer when we do. A good place to start is this book I recommend: Layla Saad, Me and White Supremacy

* * * *
Carrie Goldman is the host of Portrait of an Adoption. She is an award-winning author, speaker, and bullying prevention educator. Follow Carrie’s blog Portrait of an Adoption on Facebook and Twitter

To continue receiving posts from Portrait of an Adoption, simply type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button.