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You can’t put a price on a human life — until the times when that’s exactly what one must do.

Consider the families of the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and the compensation packages offered by the government. Should the childless widow of a bartender at the Windows of the World restaurant receive the same amount as the family of a CFO who had four children? Is it right to even ask such questions?

Director Sara Colangelo’s well-intentioned and well-acted but unfortunately dry and slow-paced “Worth” is based on the true story of the attorney who volunteered for the job nobody else wanted — the “special master” who led the legal team that determined the financial worth of each victim of 9/11 and had to convince the families the settlement offers were fair.

Less than two weeks after 9/11, Congress approved the Sept. 11th Victim Compensation Fund, but it would kick in only if at least 80% of the families signed on and effectively waived their right to sue the airlines. (The airline lobby considered the bill vital to their survival, claiming lawsuits would drive them out of business and would have a ripple effect destroying the economy.) Michael Keaton plays Ken Feinberg, a suit-and-tie policy wonk who is brilliant with numbers and the law but is lacking in emotional intelligence — which is brought home in a disastrous town hall meeting with victims’ families and friends, including some firefighters who nearly shout him out of the building. Complicating matters is the constant presence of an activist widower named Charles Wolf (Stanley Tucci), who has picked apart the government’s proposal and has set up a website called “FixTheFund.” Keaton and Tucci are tremendous together in their numerous scenes, as these two learned, decent men who share a love of opera find ways to agree to disagree without making it personal.

Amy Ryan is solid as ever as Feinberg’s second in command, and Shunori Ramanathan is wonderful as a new associate in the firm who just missed being in the WTC on 9/11. As Feinberg and his team keep track of the number of sign-ups on a white board, a device that seems more suited to a movie about an election, we learn the stories of some of the survivors, including a man who learns he’ll get nothing because his home state doesn’t recognize gay unions, and a firefighter’s wife who doesn’t want any money at all — just assurances her husband’s name and heroics won’t be forgotten. Mostly, though, “Worth” is a procedural and a character study, as Feinberg finally steps out from behind his desk and the comfort of his calculations to hear the stories of these families.

There’s no doubting Ken Feinberg is a special kind of person and attorney; he has handled victim compensation cases tied to the shootings in Sandy Hook, Aurora, Orlando and Virginia Tech, as well as scandals involving the Catholic Church and Penn State, and many, many others. Keaton ladles on the Massachusetts accent a bit too thick, but he’s always a compelling screen presence and he turns in fine work, as do Tucci, Ryan and the strong supporting cast. “Worth” falls just short of having enough strength in the screenplay to warrant a recommendation.

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NEW YORK — A stunned U.S. East Coast woke up Thursday to a rising death toll, surging rivers and destruction from the remnants of Hurricane Ida, which walloped the region with record-breaking rain days after hitting the Gulf Coast as one of the strongest hurricanes on record to strike the U.S.

In a region that hadn’t expected a serious blow from the no-longer-hurricane, the storm killed at least 18 people from Maryland to New York on Wednesday night as basement apartments suddenly filled with water, rivers and creeks swelled to record levels and roadways turned into car-swallowing canals.

Nine people died in New York City, many when they became trapped in flooded basements, police and Mayor Bill de Blasio said. Four people were found dead in an apartment complex in Elizabeth, New Jersey, the city’s mayor and spokesperson told local media, correcting an earlier report of five.

Outside Philadelphia, officials reported “multiple fatalities,” saying no additional details were immediately available. A 19-year-old man was killed in the flooding at the Rockville complex early Wednesday, police said.

In Connecticut, an on-duty state trooper and his cruiser were swept away in flood waters Thursday morning in Woodbury, and the trooper was taken to a hospital, state police and local authorities said.

Deborah Torres, who lives on the first floor of a building where three people died in a basement apartment in New York City’s Queens borough, said water rapidly filled her own apartment to her knees. The landlord frantically urged her neighbors below to get out, she said.

“The water pressure was so fast and strong, so I think they couldn’t open the door either way because this is like a pool,” she said. “I don’t know how that happened. It was so fast.”

The ferocious storm also spawned tornadoes, including one that ripped apart homes and toppled silos in Mullica Hill, New Jersey, south of Philadelphia.

Water from record rainfall cascaded into New York City subway tunnels, trapping at least 17 trains and forcing the cancelation of service throughout the night and early morning. Videos online showed riders standing on seats in cars filled with water. All riders were evacuated safely, officials said.

Thursday morning, the nation’s largest city was slow to recover from catastrophic flooding that was reminiscent of Superstorm Sandy in 2012.

The National Weather Service recorded 3.15 inches of rain in Central Park in one hour Wednesday night, far surpassing the previous recorded high of 1.94 inches (4.92 centimeters) that fell in one hour during Henri on Aug. 21. Scientists have warned such weather extremes will be more common with man-made global warming.

Major flooding along the Schuylkill River in Pennsylvania swamped highways, submerged cars and disrupted rail service in the Philadelphia area. In a tweet, city officials predicted “historic flooding” on Thursday as river levels continue to rise. The riverside community of Manayunk remained largely under water.

The rain in the tri-state area ended by daybreak Thursday as rescuers searched for more stranded people and braced for potentially finding more bodies.

“We’re enduring an historic weather event tonight with record breaking rain across the city, brutal flooding and dangerous conditions on our roads,” New York Mayor Bill de Blasio said while declaring a state of emergency in New York City late Wednesday.

Police in Connecticut were investigating a report of a person missing due to the flooding in Woodbury. In Passaic, New Jersey, a 70-year-old man was swept away after his family was rescued from their car.

Among the other deaths reported in New York City, a 48-year-old woman and a 66-year-old man died after being found at separate residences, and a 43-year-old woman and a 22-year-old man both died after being found inside a home. Causes of death and identifications were pending.

Heavy winds and drenching rains collapsed the roof of a U.S. Postal Service building in New Jersey and threatened to overrun a dam in Pennsylvania.

In New York City, officials banned travel for all but emergency vehicles until early Thursday and warned against unnecessary travel into the morning. The FDR Drive in Manhattan, and the Bronx River Parkway were under water during the storm. Garbage bobbed in the water rushing down streets. Some subway and rail service had resumed Thursday morning.

The National Weather Service office in New York issued its first-ever set of flash flood emergencies in the region Wednesday night, alerts only sent in the most dangerous conditions. An emergency was issued Aug. 22 in Waverly, Tennessee, when flooding in the town and surrounding county killed 20 people after the rainfall in one day shattered the state record.

That was the start of a deadly two weeks across the nation. Wildfires are threatening Lake Tahoe, Tropical Storm Henri struck the Northeast and Ida struck Louisiana as the fifth-strongest storm to ever hit the U.S. mainland, leaving 1 million people without power, maybe for weeks.

Rescues took place all over New York City as its 8.8 million people saw much worse flooding than from Henri.

Gov. Phil Murphy declared a state of emergency in all 21 counties, urging people to stay off the flooded roads. Meteorologists warned that rivers likely won’t crest for a few more days, raising the possibility of more widespread flooding.

“There’s a lot of hurt in New Jersey,” Murphy told ABC’s “Good Morning America” on Thursday as he discussed damage caused by flooding in the northern part of the state and tornadoes in the southern part of the state.

Newark International Airport shut down Wednesday night as videos showed water rushing through a terminal. The airport was allowing limited flights Thursday. Officials said 370 flights have been canceled so far.

Amtrak service was canceled between Philadelphia and Boston, resuming in limited capacity Thursday morning. New Jersey Transit train service remained suspended with the exception of the Atlantic City line. Buses were running with myriad cancelations and delays. Transit officials cautioned against traveling unless it’s “absolutely essential.”

At least 220,000 customers were without power in the region, with most of the outages in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. More than 35,000 customers were without power Thursday morning in New York City, Long Island and its northern suburbs.

Southern New England awoke Thursday to inundated roads, commuter delays and an ongoing flash flood warning. Some students at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut were forced to relocate from their dorms. In Plainville, Connecticut, authorities said they used boats to rescue 18 people from a flooded neighborhood.

A section of Route 24 in southeastern Massachusetts was shut down because of water on the highway. In Portsmouth, Rhode Island, a road crumbled under the onslaught of rain.

The National Weather Service said it was investigating a possible tornado touchdown on Cape Cod around 1 a.m. Thursday. Meteorologist Bill Simpson said reported damage including downed trees.

Parts of Johnstown, Pennsylvania, where 2,200 people died after an infamous dam failure in 1889, were evacuated for a time Wednesday after water reached dangerous levels at a dam near the city. An official said later Wednesday that the water levels near the dam were receding.

In Frederick County, Maryland, first responders used a boat to rescue 10 children and a driver from a school bus caught in rising flood waters. The county’s school superintendent faced criticism for not dismissing students early. He apologized, saying the decision to remain open led to “stress and anxiety for many,” The Frederick News-Post reported.

The Atlantic hurricane season is far from over. Larry became a hurricane Thursday morning, forecast to rapidly intensify into a potentially catastrophic Category 4 storm by Sunday. The National Hurricane Center in Miami said it’s moving west but remains far from any coast.

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Scolforo reported from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. AP reporters Bobby Caina Calvan, Karen Matthews and Jennifer Peltz in New York City; Michael Catalini and Shawn Marsh in Trenton, New Jersey; Ryan Kryska in Hoboken, New Jersey, Michael Rubinkam in northeastern Pennsylvania, and Jeffrey Collins in Columbia, South Carolina, contributed to this report.

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When I spoke with Adam Amin in June, he already was sizing up the Bears’ schedule, trying to guess which game(s) he might call for Fox Sports.

“This might just be me trying to will it into existence,” Amin said, “but I have a good feeling that our crew might run into some Bears games this year.”

Amin is the Bears’ preseason voice on Fox-32, but he has yet to call a Bears regular-season game. Fox Sports didn’t assign him any last season, his first with the network.

According to a source, Amin isn’t scheduled to call the Bears’ games on Fox in Weeks 2-4. Might his first one come in Week 6 against the Packers at Soldier Field? That surely would be sweet for the Addison Trail High School alum.

But his guess is as good as mine, which gives me solace in my annual predictions of which TV crew will call each Bears game on Sunday afternoons. We know the announcers for the prime-time games and the Thanksgiving game, and I was able to unearth the Bears’ first three Fox games. The rest are my guess.

Week 1: at Rams, 7:20 p.m., Ch. 5 – Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth and Michele Tafoya.

Week 2: vs. Bengals, noon, Fox-32 – Kevin Kugler, Mark Sanchez, Laura Okmin. Sanchez, the former Jets quarterback, is in his first year with Fox after two years with ESPN. He fills the spot left by Chris Spielman, who’s now in the Lions’ front office.

Week 3: at Browns, noon, Fox-32 – Kevin Burkhardt, Greg Olsen, Pam Oliver. The Browns probably helped draw Fox’s No. 2 crew. Olsen, the Bears’ first-round pick in 2007, is in his first year as a full-timer with the network. Fox clearly thinks highly of him.

Week 4: vs. Lions, noon, Fox-32 – Gus Johnson, Aqib Talib, Megan Olivi. Johnson is Fox’ lead voice for college football, but he’ll call select NFL games, too. Talib left a favorable impression in two games last season. He brings a unique voice that’s playful yet analytical.

Week 5: at Raiders, 3:05 p.m., Ch. 2 – Let the guessing begin! Dolphins-Buccaneers should draw the top crew of Jim Nantz and Tony Romo. Browns-Chargers, featuring Baker Mayfield vs. Justin Herbert, figures to get the No. 2 crew. Bears fans should see the delightful and excitable Kevin Harlan with Trent Green.

Week 6: vs. Packers, noon, Fox-32 – It’s not a Fox doubleheader week, so the top crew of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman only calls the Thursday game. Burkhardt and Olsen could call Rams-Giants for the nation’s top two markets. That means (drumroll, please) Amin gets the Bears with Mark Schlereth.

Week 7: at Buccaneers, 3:25 p.m., Ch. 2 – An NFC matchup on CBS is sacrilege to some. Just imagine it’s the 1980s, if you can. Even if Nantz and Romo were in Tampa two weeks before, this is their window. Besides, they can’t have enough Tom Brady.

Week 8: vs. 49ers, noon, Fox-32 – With Buck and Burkhardt on World Series duty (Game 5 is scheduled), Fox will have to mix up crews. Amin likely would move up to call Bucs-Saints on “America’s Game of the Week.” If this game features Trey Lance vs. Justin Fields, we could get Kenny Albert and Jonathan Vilma.

Week 9: at Steelers, 7:15 p.m., ESPN – Steve Levy, Louis Riddick, Brian Griese and Lisa Salters.

Week 10: Bye.

Week 11: vs. Ravens, noon, Ch. 2 – How much fun would it be to watch Fields and Lamar Jackson try to one-up each other? It’d be even more fun to have Nantz and Romo call the game.

Week 12: at Lions, 11:30 a.m., Fox – Buck and Aikman will call the Thanksgiving game, and it figures to be their only Bears game this season. To many of you, that’s a relief.

Week 13: vs. Cardinals, noon, Fox – How much fun would it be to watch Fields and Kyler Murray try to one-up each other? If Burkhardt’s crew gets Bucs-Falcons, Amin could walk to work again.

Week 14: at Packers, 7:20 p.m., Ch. 5 – Michaels, Collinsworth and Tafoya.

Week 15: vs. Vikings, 7:15 p.m., ESPN – Levy, Riddick, Griese and Salters.

Week 16: at Seahawks, 3:05 p.m., Fox-32 – How much fun would it be … wait a minute. By now, the Bears’ playoff hopes could be fading, taking some juice out of a Fields-Russell Wilson matchup. Fox has a solid slate this week, and that could leave the Bears with Chris Myers and Daryl Johnston.

Week 17: vs. Giants, noon, Ch. 2 – If these teams fare as well as most prognosticators think, expect a low crew here. At least Greg Gumbel might be able to return home, alongside new partner Adam Archuleta.

Week 18: at Vikings, noon, Fox-32 – This one’s the trickiest because two games this week will move to Saturday on ABC/ESPN. But those games will have playoff implications. So maybe this one isn’t so hard after all. Johnson will need something to do with the college season complete.

Remote patrol

Bulls broadcasters Adam Amin and Stacey King will call the White Sox-Royals game Friday night on NBC Sports Chicago. Amin has called MLB games for ESPN and Fox, and King … well … hasn’t. But he did coach his sons’ travel baseball team back in the day. Maybe we’ll hear some stories.
Longtime Chicago radio voice George Ofman’s podcast, “Tell me a story I don’t know,” begins its third season Tuesday. The first two interviews are two-parters with Bears radio voice Jeff Joniak and former The Score and ESPN 1000 host Dan McNeil.
Chicago-based ESPN reporter Michele Steele will anchor “SportsCenter” over Labor Day weekend. Steele will appear at 8 a.m. Saturday, 9 a.m. Sunday and 6 a.m. Monday.

FOX BROADCAST TEAMS

(Play-by-play, analyst, reporter)

Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Erin Andrews

Kevin Burkhardt, Greg Olsen, Pam Oliver

Adam Amin, Mark Schlereth, Shannon Spake

Kenny Albert, Jonathan Vilma, Sara Walsh/Lindsay Czarniak

Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston, Jennifer Hale

Kevin Kugler, Mark Sanchez, Laura Okmin

Gus Johnson, Aqib Talib, Megan Olivi

CBS BROADCAST TEAMS

Jim Nantz, Tony Romo, Tracy Wolfson

Ian Eagle, Charles Davis, Evan Washburn

Kevin Harlan, Trent Green, Melanie Collins

Greg Gumbel, Adam Archuleta and AJ Ross

Andrew Catalon, James Lofton

Spero Dedes, Jay Feely

Tom McCarthy, Tiki Barber

Additional play-by-play: Beth Mowins

Additional reporters: Sherree Burruss, Amanda Balionis

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PITTSBURGH — In the moment, it wasn’t a big deal. Just another game in the middle of the week in the middle of a pennant race.

The best nine players available ran onto the field at Three Rivers Stadium for the Pittsburgh Pirates on Sept. 1, 1971.

The fact all nine — Rennie Stennett, Gene Clines, Roberto Clemente, Willie Stargell, Manny Sanguillen, Dave Cash, Al Oliver, Jackie Hernandez and Dock Ellis — were Black or of Latin descent didn’t even really occur to them until afterward.

Oliver has always found it curious as to why it hasn’t been celebrated the way Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in 1947 is. Yet in recent years, he’s come to take it as a compliment of sorts, a nod to the color-blind approach Pirates manager Danny Murtaugh took to his job.

“We didn’t take the field, you know, to make history,” Oliver said Wednesday night while honoring the 50th anniversary of a 10-7 win over Philadelphia. “But as it turned out, it was history. And the thing that I feel great about it was that it proved the unity that we had on our team and proved that we had a manager that really (wasn’t) concerned about race.”

Oliver, a seven-time All-Star during his 18-year career, figures the sea of Black and brown faces with the gold ‘P’ on their caps was simply the byproduct of the way general manager Joe Brown went about constructing a team.

“(He said) ‘What we did, we signed players because they can play, not the church they went to,'” said Oliver, who played first that night. “And every time I hear that quote, I’ve got to laugh because it’s true. It doesn’t matter what church you go to as long as you can play some ball.”

Something that was never an issue for the “Lumber Company” era in Pittsburgh. The victory over Philadelphia that night came during a torrid 18-5 stretch that allowed the Pirates to win the NL East. Pittsburgh went on to beat San Francisco in four games in the NL Championship Series before rallying from a two-game deficit to edge heavily favored Baltimore in the World Series.

“You could never underestimate what we thought we could do as a team, because we could beat anybody,” Cash said. “Baltimore had beat everybody else, but they hadn’t beat us.”

Not with Hall of Famers like Clemente in right field and Stargell in left and Oliver usually in between. It’s telling that the only thing Oliver noticed about the lineup wasn’t its racial makeup but his spot in it: seventh.

“I thought I was a pretty good hitter,” Oliver, a .303 lifetime hitter, said with a laugh. “But when I looked at the card, I’m hitting seventh, and I said, ‘Hey, this has to be a great team.'”

It was. While Oliver remembers the day being met with a shrug of sorts, over five decades it has taken on new meaning for the grandfather of four.

“It is important to (my children and grandchildren) to know that their people were part of baseball history,” he said. “I think that’s the key. You know, that’s something that can be passed down, something that cannot be taken away. And I just feel good that they are aware of that fact.”

Even if it’s a moment that may be difficult to replicate. The surviving members of the 1971 team believe it’s more likely that a team fields an entirely all-Latin lineup before one featuring all Black and Latin players. Participation in baseball among Blacks has dropped across the board, and Black players currently make up less than 10% of Major League rosters.

“Afro-American kids have gravitated to basketball, they have gravitated to football,” Oliver said. “And the reason why they’ve done that is that’s all they really see on TV, on commercials, all the football players and the basketball players. But you really don’t see a lot of baseball players doing commercials. And, you know, as an Afro-American individual, you have a tendency to do things that look like you.”

It plays in stark contrast to how Oliver grew up in Ohio in the 1950s and 60s, when he idolized Jackie Robinson and Frank Robinson.

“I knew Clemente was playing, and (Willie) Mays and (Hank) Aaron,” Oliver said. “We used to get their bubblegum cards all the time. So we had something to look at that looked like us. And until we get back to that, we may not see another mixture of those type of players together.”

For one night, anyway, Oliver and his teammates played a part in something that’s grown far larger than themselves. For 2 hours and 44 minutes in front of 11,278 fans, the Pirates became the ideal of what civil rights activist Dr. Martin Luther King preached.

“He was trying to explain to our society, that when we come together as one, good things can happen,” Oliver said. “And as a result of that, in September of 1971 on the 1st, he proved that point that when we come together, good things can happen.”

It also allowed the iconic Clemente’s career to come full circle. His son, Roberto Clemente Jr., said his father felt he was representing all minorities when he broke into the majors with Pittsburgh in 1955. In what became the next-to-last season of his career, the proof of his influence stood next to him in the clubhouse and out on the field.

“I know it was a special day to have all his brothers on that team that day,” Clemente Jr. said. “And I knew it was a special moment because that meant (minority players) had arrived.”

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No. 4 Lincoln-Way East at No 9 Naperville Central, 7:30 p.m. Friday

Lincoln-Way East (1-0) is 47-1 since 2016, but faces one of its toughest regular-season tests since then. Naperville Central (1-0) won Mike Ulreich’s head coaching debut 14-2 over Hinsdale Central , holding the Red Devils to 28 rushing yards. The Redhawks offense is led by four-star receiver Reggie Fleurima, a Northwestern recruit, and quarterback Owen Prucha leading the way. This is one of East coach Rob Zvonar’s youngest teams. But the Griffins do have a senior quarterback in Brennan Stolarek, who passed for three touchdowns in a 35-20 win over Crete-Monee.

No. 11 Maine South at No. 1 Warren, 7:30 p.m. Friday

Warren (1-0) has a simple formula: run the football effectively and play lockdown defense. So it went last week against Mid-Suburban League power Barrington. Vanderbilt-bound back Maurice Edwards ran 19 times for 192 yards and the defense held the Broncos to one yard of total offense and one completed pass. Maine South (1-0) had a 27-point first quarter in a 41-10 opening win at Stevenson. As the score suggests. the Hawks have some playmakers on offense, including 6-5 tight end Chris Petrucci, a Northwestern recruit; quarterback Rowan Keefe and running back Mike Sajenko.

Phillips at No. 7 Mount Carmel, 7 p.m. Friday

Phillips (0-1) continues its tough opening stretch after falling 33-6 at Batavia last week. It’s hard to fairly evaluate the Wildcats until they get back to the Public League, but two players to watch are quarterback Tyler Turner and running back Dayvone Rainey. Mount Carmel (1-0) is coming off an epic 16-9 win at St. Rita, sealed by Jaden Bossie’s 80-yard scoop and score of a field-goal attempt blocked by J.T. Harris. The Caravan alternated Blainey Dowling and Damarion Arrington at quarterback.

Providence at No. 10 Wheaton North, 7:30 p.m. Friday

Mark Coglianese, who has been at Providence for 34 years, the last 15 as head coach, is stepping down at the end of the season. His last team could be one of his best based on its 10-0 opening win over Willowbrook, which has reached the IHSA quarterfinals or beyond the last four seasons the playoffs were held. The Celtics (1-0) are the top local team in the Associated Press Class 5A rankings at No. 4. Holy Cross-bound quarterback Mark Forcucci and running back Brayton Maske are two to watch for Wheaton North (1-0).

No. 21 Richards at No. 5 Marist, 6 p.m. Friday

With almost everyone back from a 3-3 spring season, Richards (1-0) has high expectations, A 20-19 opening win at Nazareth added to the buzz, as Travis Garmon ran back a punt 84 yards for the decisive touchdown and Donnie Burton had TD catches of 78 and 24 yards. Marist (1-0), led by Northwestern-bound offensive lineman Deuce McGuire and Coastal Carolina-bound quarterback Dontrell Jackson Jr., gets its first real test after opening with a 49-0 win over Curie.

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The scene: A real estate office in New Buffalo, Michigan.

A young man is there to rent a cottage by the beach. Suddenly, a suntanned jagoff pulls up to the curb in a Porsche with Michigan plates, and walks inside.

“Where are you from?” the Porsche’s driver asks the prospective tenant.

“Lansing.”

“Ahhh.” Eyebrows go up. “I’m from Posen.”

“No, not Lansing, Illinois; Lansing, Michigan.”

Sitting on the couch is a workman in paint-spatted Carhartt overalls. He lifts two thumbs up.

“Point for you,” he tells the young man.

It’s just another episode in New Buffalo’s longest-running culture clash: the FIPs vs. the natives. Michigan plates on a Porsche don’t fool anyone: that’s a FIP car. Real Michiganders drive American. FIP is an acronym for F—ing Illinois People: Michiganders’ nickname for the Chicagoans who invade Harbor Country every summer in gleaming SUVs, hogging all the prime lakefront real estate on the sunset side of US-12, and queueing into interminable lines at Oink’s Ice Cream parlor. Locals joke about “FIP spotting,” and opening a “No FIPs Cafe,” with service limited to patrons who can produce a Michigan driver’s license. Someone once spray-painted “FIPS GO HOME” on the I-94 Exit 6 overpass near Union Pier. Famous FIPs include Mayor Richard M. Daley, whose family owns a Grand Beach cottage that was the scene of a violent party hosted by his then-16-year-old son Patrick; Sun-Times movie critic Roger Ebert, who spent his TV money on a $4 million Tudor “cottage” in Harbert; Carl Sandburg, a proto-FIP, who moved from Elmhurst to Harbert in 1928 to write his Abraham Lincoln biography; and Ernest Hemingway, an even earlier proto-FIP whose childhood vacations near Petoskey helped lay the groundwork for his idea of American masculinity and rugged leisure.

“The influence of Chicagoans on this slightly populated, almost rural section of Michigan–full-time population 7,000; summertime population 25,000 to 35,000–is formidable,” the Chicago Reader observed in a 1988 article titled “Invasion of the FIPs: boom time in southwestern Michigan.” “One local newspaper estimates that Chicago-area residents, all of them nonvoters, make up more than half the area’s taxpayers and pay more than 60 percent of its local tax load. Out-of-pocket spending by Chicagoans just for the 14-week summer season can be conservatively estimated at $15 million to $25 million, or $2,000 to $3,500 per capita for each permanent resident. Chicago tourists and second-home owners are quite clearly the area’s biggest industry…. Beyond the summer people/local people cultural clash–inevitable in any resort community–there is some concern that the Chicago invasion could get out of hand, overrun the beaches, tear down the forests, gentrify the nearby fruit farms, unbalance the economy, and bring in an ugly invasion of fast-food franchises and other tacky tourist trappings like those marring Cape Cod.”

All those concerns have been realized. The FIPs have conquered New Buffalo, transforming it from rural fruit-orchard village to far-flung suburb of Chicago. It is now home to the Four Winds Casino—the tackiest tourist trapping imaginable—which draws FIPs to the area year-round. Three Oaks is a village of 1,600 with five art galleries, nine restaurants and two bed and breakfasts—mostly patronized by FIPs. FIPs have so priced up Harbor Country real estate that some natives have no choice but to move to Indiana if they want to stay in the area.

(Further north in Michigan, tourists are known as “fudgies,” for their love of Mackinac Island fudge. Kilwins, a fudge shop founded in Petoskey in 1947, has brought its product directly to the fudgies by opening stores in Evanston, Lake View, Hyde Park and Navy Pier. A tourist who settles in northern Michigan is a “permafudge.”)

The scene: A fish boil at the Viking Grill and Lounge in Ellison Bay, Wisconsin, near the tip of Door County.

Master boiler Dan Peterson stands beside his kettle—a Speed Queen washing machine tub, which holds twenty gallons of water, plenty for the 40 or 50 trays he fills every hour for tourists who’ve driven five hours to escape Chicago’s congestion—only to create bumper-to-bumper traffic jams on Wisconsin Highway 42.

Dan is a second-generation master boiler, having inherited the craft from his father. When he was growing up, in the 1940s and ’50s, “we didn’t have a lot of tourism. A lot of the homes that people grew up in, they’re all gift shops or restaurants. There’s no farming anymore. Even on Washington Island there’s no milking cows.”

Some locals call the tourists “turkeys,” because their heads swivel back and forth as they take in the view from their car windows. They blame a 1969 National Geographic article for ruining the idyll. Natives carp that Door County is “going to become another Wisconsin Dells,” an overdeveloped tourist trap of water slides and go-kart tracks. Dan doesn’t disdain the visitors—they keep his restaurant open. He seems resigned to the forces drawing Door County closer to the urban world.

“The ways of Chicago are the ways of Door County,” he says. “We never had inspectors inspecting electrical, but they’re here now.”

“Turkeys” is the kindest epithet I’ve heard Cheeseheads apply to Chicagoans. More common—and more barbed—is FIB, an acronym for F—-ing Illinois Bastard. And then there’s FISHTAB — F—ing Illinois S—head Towing A Boat — for the weekend anglers hauling their Starcrafts to one of Wisconsin’s little lakes.

Yes, Chicagoans, depending where we are in the Midwest, our Illinois plates mark us as FIPs, FIBs, FISHTABs or Fudgies. Our neighbors are angry that their children moved here, abandoned their hometown ways, and turned into FIPs, FIBs, FISHTABs and Fudgies themselves. They’re angry that we’ve imposed our urban values on their once-isolated rural fastnesses. Chicago has conquered the Midwest. Those bitchy names are revenge for our regional imperialism.

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A 17-year-old boy faces a murder charge in a fatal August shooting on a CTA Red Line train on the South Side.

The teen was identified as a participant in the Aug. 19 shooting that killed 23-year-old Keiwaun Crayton, Chicago police said.

Three people approached Crayton around 4:15 p.m. on the train near the Garfield station and one of them fired, police said.

Crayton was struck in the arm and taken to the University of Chicago Medical Center, where he died. He lived in suburban Lansing.

The 17-year-old, who wasn’t named because he’s a juvenile, was arrested Wednesday in the first block of East Chicago Avenue, police said. Court information was not immediately available.

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Two men were shot after getting into a “verbal altercation” early Thursday in River North.

They were outside about 2:15 a.m. in the first block of East Illinois Street when they got into an argument with a male who fired shots from inside a vehicle, Chicago police said.

One man, 30, was shot in the backand was transported to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in serious condition, police said. The other, 33, was struck in the leg and was taken to the same hospital in fair condition.

No arrests were made.

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