I’m watching Congress debate President Biden’s ‘Build Back Better’ budget proposal and I think I’m Lemuel Gulliver shipwrecked in the land of Lilliput.

Play along with me. Shipwrecked among the tiny Lilliputians Gulliver finds a society whose institutions have fallen into corruption, thwarted by contemptible party politics, and absurd wars. (Is this not America, today!?) The Lilliputians, whose small size mirrors their small-mindedness, are avatars for Republicans and Democrats, indulging in petty debates, their political affiliations divided between those who wear high heeled shoes (the progressives) and those who wear low ones (the conservatives). The leaders of the court (McConnell and Pelosi) are those who are best at rope dancing, qualifying them to lead Lilliput to war with neighboring Blefuscu, fighting over which end of an egg should be broken. (Our congress to a tee!)

Next, we find Gulliver abandoned in Brobdingnag, a land of giants. The scale is now reversed, Gulliver a Lilliputian among giants. (Is this not indicative of a once mighty US now reduced in stature?) When Gulliver describes the history of his country to the king of the giants, the monarch denounces Gulliver’s countrymen and women as “the most pernicious Race of little odious Vermin that Nature ever suffered to crawl upon the Surface of the Earth.” The rebuke comes after Gulliver offers to make gunpowder and cannon for the king, who is horrified by the thought of such weaponry. (Fact: The United States spends more on national defense than China, India, Russia, United Kingdom, Saudi Arabia, Germany, France, Japan, South Korea, Italy, and Australia — combined.)

On Gulliver’s third voyage he ends up on the island of Laputa, where the people all have one eye pointing inward and the other upward, so lost in thought that they must be reminded to pay attention to the world around them; its government aloof from the people it rules. Although the farm fields are in ruins and the people are living in squalor, they follow the laws made by the professors of a learned academy in the city, (we call that Congress presiding in Washington, DC) where the scientists undertake such impractical projects as extracting sunbeams from cucumbers. (While the Infrastructure and Jobs Act languishes and the inane wrangles in congress put havoc-wreaking party politics above the needs of the people!)

In the extremely bitter fourth part, Gulliver visits the land of the Houyhnhnms, a race of intelligent horses who are more rational, communal, and benevolent than the brutish and degenerate humanoid race called Yahoos. (Substitute Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, KKK and similar white-supremist, pro-Trump, right-wing extremist organizations). Again, Gulliver describes his country’s government to the head Houyhnhnm, who concludes that the people are no more reasonable than the Yahoos. (Unbalanced and idiotic as in Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, perhaps?).

Jonathan Swift opened his revised 1735 edition of the Travels with a letter from an irate Gulliver convinced that the human species was too depraved to be saved (the Trumpies storming the Capitol on January 6). The book ends with a ranting recluse (if the shoe fits, wear it) warning the Yahoos not to “presume to appear in my sight.”  (They won’t be vaccinated!)

The original edition gave no hint that Gulliver’s Travels was not a genuine travel account. Swift and his friends reported stories of gullible readers who took this hoax travel book for the real thing. I rest my case.

There stood a polar bear
Thinning, balding
Wearily limping, yet…
Clinging to an ice floe

Surviving
The annihilating Joes Manchin
Occluding collaboration
Obstinance breeds greed
Avaricious Joes Manchins promote profit as…

Habitats diminish
Oceans warm
Fish lie motionless on the sand
And poor polar bear sags and moans
Barely rising

While rich, ravenous,
Dirty, paunchy politicians
Say no to everything because
They think they can stop
Science?

Leave us, gnawing at nearly nothing,
like the decrepit polar bear

Simply stymied

By the Polar-rizing
Pale faced, blue-eyed, wrinkled, aging white men
Ugly Joes Manchin
Clamoring–Ka ching, ka ching
Leaking methane in our skies,
As coal warms their deadly pockets

End the Polar-rizing
End the hoax on our offspring
Petty people, those Joes Manchins!

Face f-a-c-t-s of senseless inaction
Act—to eliminate fossil fuels
Capture methane leaks
Time to conquer Polar-rizing!

Joes Manchin machinations
Screw with our Poles,
Arctic’s melting
Glaciers are calving
Permafrost’s a-thawing

Polar bears dying
Leaving kids crying,
Populations frying
C’mon folks– Joes Manchin aint trying
Just more machinations

Stultifying?

Lin-Manuel Miranda. Photo courtesy Chicago Tribune

Dear Mr. Miranda,

Thank you so much for the very colorful email invitation you sent me today. You know, the one that offers “the Ultimate New Year’s Eve Experience.”

For a small donation to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, you are offering me a chance to fly to NYC to see the famous New Year’s Eve ball drop in Times Square.

Now I think BC/EFA is a great charity, and I have contributed to it in the past, but about seeing the December 31st ball drop…

Don’t get me wrong. Barb and I love New York City. Pre-pandemic, we visited once or twice a year and jammed in as many theater outings as we could. We have seen everything from Osage County to Evan Hansen to that very weird production of Oklahoma with the chili and cornbread at intermission.

As a matter of fact, we plan on going to the Big Apple next spring — Barb can’t wait to see the upcoming Neil Diamond bio-musical, and I have a hankering to see Hugh Jackman lead seventy-six trombones from New York, New York to River City, Iowa.

But back to your invitation. It’s not that I am necessarily against a New Year’s Eve mob scene. We have spent a couple of very enjoyable NYE’s watching fireworks in our own Chicago Loop, though I will admit the last time was so long ago, Jane Byrne was Mayor. I don’t think Rahm or Lori ever put on shows as exciting as good old Jane did back in the ’80s.

It’s just, are you sure Times Square is a good idea? With a few million other people on what could be a freezing cold New Year’s Eve to watch a friggin’ light show? During wave 4, 5, or 6 of the pandemic? You have got to be kidding, man. Nothing that you or Bill de Blasio can do or say is going to get me out there.

Now Lin-Manuel (is it ok if I call you that?) I did notice that for a few extra bucks on behalf of BC/EFA I can register to compete for a different prize; a chance to see Hamilton anywhere in the world. (it’s not really anywhere, just the couple dozen places in which the roadshow will be playing.) The chance to win a trip to Australia may be worth a twenty-buck donation, although I think we’ll pass on the chance to go to Little Rock, Arkansas.

Anyway L-M., thanks for the invite. I’ll R.S.V.P. when we decide what to do. In the meantime, keep your pistol loaded and your powder dry.

And Happy New Year!

Best,

Les

———————————–

Illinois State linebacker Zeke Vandenburgh makes a tackle in last weekend’s 20-0 loss to North Dakota State. The Redbirds have lost three games in a row. (photo courtesy goredbirds.com)

Illinois State football is in unfamiliar territory these days. The Redbirds have lost three straight Missouri Valley Conference games for the first time in four years.

ISU last posted a win Sept. 18 when the Redbirds outlasted Eastern Illinois 31-24 in Charleston to make Brock Spack the program’s all-time winningest coach.

Since that victory, the Redbirds have lost at Southern Illinois (35-17) and at home to Missouri State (41-20) and North Dakota State (20-0). All three of those defeats have been to nationally ranked teams — two of which were in the Top 7 at the time of the game.

“It’s just consistency. We’ve been really inconsistent with our execution,” ISU head coach Brock Spack said during his media address Tuesday. “It’s been a little frustrating. We’ve got to keep the course and try to find things we’re good at, things we can hang our hat on.”

The last time ISU has experienced such a losing streak came at the end of the 2017 season when the Redbirds dropped the final three games of the season to three nationally ranked teams. Those losses left Illinois State at 6-5 overall and out of the FCS playoffs.

The Redbirds have really struggled on offense. In last Saturday’s shutout loss to North Dakota State, ISU managed just 99 yards — the least by an NDSU opponent since 2017 when Robert Morris had 57 against the Bison.

Illinois State ranks 108th out of 123 FCS teams in total offense.

“We get one thing fixed and another thing crops up,” Spack said. “We’ve got to do things consistently good every single snap.”

Another challenge awaits

The Redbirds next face the challenge of playing South Dakota, No. 15 in both major FCS polls this week.

The Coyotes are fresh off a second straight win against a ranked opponent. It is the program’s highest ranking since 2017 when the team qualified for the FCS playoffs.

South Dakota, 5-2 overall and 3-1 in the Missouri Valley, has knocked off then-No. 15 North Dakota 20-13 at home and then-No. 17 Northern Iowa 34-21 on the road in consecutive weeks.

Linebacker Jack Cochrane was named the Missouri Valley Football Conference Defensive Player of the Week with two interceptions and seven tackles including one for loss against Northern Iowa.

“We talked during the week, last couple of times we played them we turned the ball over a bunch, we knew we weren’t going to be able to do that today. We kind of flipped the scales there, took advantage of some short fields and got the lead,” South Dakota head coach Bob Nielson said afterward.

South Dakota quarterback Carson Camp played his high school football at Normal West. He threw for 221 yards and two touchdowns in the Coyotes’ come-from-behind 27-20 win at Illinois State in the spring opener.

Valley forge & other notes

South Dakota is one of six Missouri Valley teams ranked in this week’s STATS Perform FCS poll. Others include North Dakota State (No. 3), Southern Illinois (No. 4), South Dakota State (No. 7), Missouri State (No. 18), and Northern Iowa (No. 24). North Dakota is just outside the top 25 and receiving votes . . . South Dakota’s Bob Nielson served as Western Illinois head coach from 2013 to 2015, taking the Leathernecks to the playoffs in his final season in Macomb . . . With 400 yards on 65 carries to date, running back Cole Mueller would become the first freshman to lead Illinois State in rushing since Cameron Smith ran for 1,244 yards in 1993 . . . Third down continues to be a struggle on both sides of the ball for Illinois State. The Redbirds are converting just 25 percent of third downs while opponents are successful 51 percent of the time . . . ISU has given up 17 sacks while registering seven on defense . . . The Redbirds have been outscored 99-56 in the second half. If you take away the 28 points in the season opener against Butler, that statistic turns into 99-28.

Where to find the game

Illinois State (2-4, 0-3) at South Dakota (5-2, 3-1) at 1 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 23. The game will air on ESPN-Plus. The radio call is available online at WJBC.com. https://www.wjbc.com/