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Gábor Hizó, Alanna Zaritz, and their daughter Zel Credit: Isa Giallorenzo

Alanna Zaritz, 39, was born and raised in Chicago and is one of our city’s treasures. She is a familiar, welcoming, and eye-catching figure at the Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago (MCA), where she has worked since 2005 (she’s currently the MCA’s store manager). 

Zaritz’s awe for her hometown is contagious, and very handy, since she has valuable local tips. Her love for fashion is obvious, as she approaches the art of dressing with devotion and expertise. “Fashion is alchemical and chameleonic. Not only does dressing up show regard for people you meet, it causes propulsive explosions of energy,” she says. 

“I’m always challenging my ideas about self-expression via fashion. My sense of self is wavy, and my closet is similarly all over the place. If only I was better at creating through visual art or music, but I’ve got this natural affinity for making color and texture combinations on my body. We love a flowy silhouette!” she adds. Zaritz’s style is influenced by the way she moves through space, and her job at the MCA. “It’s a super-inspiring place to be. From the ever-changing exhibits to my colleagues to the patrons to the building itself, to the freaking glorious force of nature Lake Michigan, which is just in our backyard, we are always being plied with ideas about who we are and who we can be and how we fit meaning into our existence,” she elaborates. 

On the day Zaritz was photographed, she was sporting a laundry list of fashion designers celebrated by those well-versed in the métier. “Sies Marjan faux astrakhan jacket in an unexpectedly delightful lilac, seafoam Craig Green quilted trousers, crystal Simone Rocha sandals, and iridescent Loeffler Randall purse. The idea is ‘Monet’s Water Lilies escapes the Art Institute.’ It’s all secondhand,” she says. 

Zaritz completed her ensemble with an iridescent Loeffler Randall purse. Credit: Isa Giallorenzo

Zaritz felt particularly proud of a humble yet powerful accessory: her “I Voted!” sticker. “Voting is the absolute minimum—less than the minimum. Vote and volunteer and do the research and be involved in your community,” she advocates. 

Zaritz found a match made in fashion heaven in designer Gábor Hizó, 35. “We’ve been together about ten years, but we were friends before that. Gábor was the first person who was never derisive regarding my interest in style and that, among his infinite wonderful qualities, was refreshing. I am always curious to see what he’ll put together. He’s got a great and mysterious inner fantasy. Also, he’s supportive of creative expression, whatever shape that may take, and not just for me and Zel [their eight-year-old daughter], but expansively. He’s a great collaborator,” Zaritz says. 

Since they wear the same size, Zaritz often shops Hizó’s closet, and they go on exciting thrifting trips together. “We traveled a lot this year and we thrifted in Palm Springs, Oakland, San Francisco, Seattle, and New Orleans. We buy and sell at Buffalo Exchange, Crossroads, Elliott Consignment, the Second Child, and the RealReal as well, plus Vestiaire Collective and eBay. We prefer pre-loved garments—paying retail is a scam!” asserts Zaritz. 

Hizó concurs. “I like secondhand resale shops and small boutiques,” he says. That day while strolling and voting with his family in Chinatown, he was going for “warmth, utility, and mobility.” 

“I am wearing a Craig Green quilted worker jacket, AllSaints wool slacks, Salomon trail running shoes, and a hat I picked up at City Lights in San Fran. I try to carry some kind of camera [a Fuji X-Pro1 for today] with me at all times as I am Zel’s number one paparazzo. I think the blue of the jacket is bizarre in the best way possible. It’s the color of the future,” he predicts. 

Zaritz, 39, found a match made in fashion heaven in designer Hizó, 35. Credit: Isa Giallorenzo

Hizó is the living example of how menswear can be fun, interesting, and boundless. “Try on everything. Prescribe to no size, trend, style, color, or gender,” he says. Hizó describes his style as “unconventional, but sensible, with lots of black and some pops of color.” He’s currently into big pockets, roomy fits, draping layers, ambiguity, and unusual silhouettes, and also “all the amazing utility-focused vintage clothing from the 80s and 90s by [Marithé et François Girbaud], Yohji [Yamamoto], and Issey Miyake that were as impressively forward-thinking then as they are today.” 

Their daughter Zel was wearing a lovely non-saccharine denim jumpsuit and Cookie Monster socks. “Zel’s outfit is also all secondhand, socks aside. Nununu jumpsuit and Timbs [Timberland boots]. Her crossbody bag was a gift from a cool friend,” says Zaritz. She advises parents to buy pre-owned garments and avoid disposable fashion: “Buy natural fibers that decompose and quality items that can be handed down repeatedly or resold. Mend and do repairs. Learn to sew and teach your kids to sew. Once you can darn your socks or patch a hole, you’ll never look at any garment the same way, much less a clothing store. Also, kids naturally gravitate towards fun and fantasy. Encourage that tendency,” she adds. 

With fashion in her DNA, Zel claims to love dresses, jumpsuits, and cool sweaters. Like her mother, she values movement. “I like to twirl in my dresses,” she says. And like her father, Zel values a bit of minimalism and graphic details: “I like simple clothing with shapes on it.”

This family’s love for art and fashion is only paralleled by their love of Chicago, and these Pilsen dwellers have a lot to share about the city. They are fascinated by Chinatown, and know many of the neighborhood’s nooks and crannies well. 

“We love the vast variety of restaurants, the park and the river, the library and landmarks, the cultural events, the people-watching. I frequently recommend taking the water taxi or river tour and getting some local perspective. Aji Ichiban, Tsaocaa, QXY, Veggie House, Hello Jasmine, and Tous Les Jours are some of our favorites. (Tous Les Jours is South Korean, not French; don’t let the name fool you.) I’ve been going to Joy Yee since I was 11. Chinatown is a perpetual vibe,” says Zaritz. 

“We are regularly enticed by the idea of bubble tea, Hong Kong-style waffles, and snacks from Aji Ichiban. The sweeter things in life! Thankfully it’s a quick jaunt over from Pilsen,” says Hizó. “A fun summer move is grabbing cold beverages from Chinatown, then taking the water taxi that stops in Ping Tom Park toward downtown for an unofficial architectural tour of the city. Chicago was built to be seen from the river, and it always seizes me,” he adds.

Street View 161: Street-style heaven at Beauty Bar

Isa Giallorenzo’s Street View 161

Street View 080: Alanna hits a high note at the opera

Isa Giallorenzo’s Street View 080

Pitchfork experience: Book Fort [PHOTOS]

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Listen to The Ben Joravsky Show

Reader senior writer Ben Joravsky riffs on the day’s stories with his celebrated humor, insight, and honesty, and interviews politicians, activists, journalists and other political know-it-alls. Presented by the Chicago Reader, the show is available by 4 p.m. Tuesdays through Fridays at chicagoreader.com/joravsky—or wherever you get your podcasts. Don’t miss Oh, What a Week!–the Friday feature in which Ben & producer Dennis (aka, Dr. D.) review the week’s top stories. Also, bonus interviews drop on Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays. 

Chicago Reader podcasts are recorded on Shure microphones. Learn more at Shure.com.

With support from our sponsors

Chicago Reader senior writer Ben Joravsky discusses the day’s stories with his celebrated humor, insight, and honesty on The Ben Joravsky Show.


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15 Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps for Fetish Dating in 2022on December 7, 2022 at 7:52 am

Whether you’ve never tried BDSM (which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) before, or you’re experienced in engaging in all kinds of fetishes, there’s a site or app out there for you!

Yes, thanks to the internet, you can pursue your wildest fantasies—or even just relatively mild ones—and connect with strangers from all over the world to get your kink on. 

There are numerous BDSM social network-type sites as well as more conventional online dating apps. So, keep reading to learn more about our top fetish and kink positive dating site recommendations and figure out which one makes the most sense for you!

Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps in 2022

RankSiteBest For1.ALT Best overall BDSM dating site2.Fetish.comOld school kink positive experience3.FetLifeBest BDSM community4.AdultFriendFinderLargest alt user base5.SeekingBest sugar/kink combination6.TinderKink dating with a mainstream veneer7.Ashley MadisonBest for polyamorous8.Pure AppBest for fantasies9.BDSM.comBest for first-timers10.BuddyBang Most open-minded11.Reddit BDSMFree option12.BDSM SinglesBest female-to-male ratio13.FetsterBest for discretion14.Bondage PalBest bondage kink site15.FeeldBest poly/kink hybrid

1.  ALT – Best for alternative and BDSM 

ALT is short for alternative, meaning that you’ll be right at home here if you like to get your kink and your freak on. No matter what your fetish, you can likely find a person (or people!) for you on ALT. 

It’s truly liberating using ALT since you can really just be yourself. It boasts a huge community of alt-minded people, so finding other like-minded individuals is a breeze.

Pro Tip: If you’re just starting out with BDSM and kink culture, then ALT may be a little bit intense. 

Pros:

Sorting by kink
NSFW content to peruse (e.g. cam shows)

Cons:

There are some fake profiles, bots, scammers, etc.
Limited use without premium account 

2.  Fetish.com  – The original fetish community

Fetish.com is all about being “the kink-positive BDSM community for fetish dating.” You pretty much have the whole idea right there. Like FetLife and other platforms reviewed here, they basically want to be the go-to social network for kinky types.

If you really want to just let loose and be yourself and find like-minded individuals, then fetish.com is definitely worth checking out. 

Pro Tip: Fetish.com also has regional sites, which can be handy if you’re looking to make local connections. 

Pros:

All about fetishes and kinks
Friendly online community 

Cons:

Some old and deactivated accounts
Less than intuitive site

3. FetLife – Best BDSM community

FetLife isn’t just a fetish dating site, it also wants to be the world’s best BDSM community. And we have to say, with 10 million members, they’re doing a pretty damn good job. 

Selling themselves as “Like Facebook, but run yb kinksters like you and me,” FetLife competes with sites such as Fetish.com and BDSM.com in trying to offer a way for like-minded individuals to not just date but also casually socialize.

Since FetLife has a niche purpose and a large userbase, your chances of finding people you can jive with are pretty great. 

Pro Tip: Use the variety of handy filters and groups on FetLife for best results! 

Pros:

Many filters and group options
Socially focused

Cons:

Not everyone will be looking for dating and romantic situations
Large userbase but a fair amount of inactive and bot profiles 

4. Adult FriendFinder – Largest alt community

Although it isn’t necessarily only focused on BDSM, AdultFriendFinder is a top choice for many kinksters out there. That’s because it’s one of the best overall alternative communities in the world!

You see, AdultFriendFinder has been around for quite some time and grown a massive alt community thanks to that being their primary focus. Now, you can count on finding just about any type of BDSM kink or fetish you can think of. 

So, whatever you might be looking for, there’s a good chance AdultFriendFinder has it.

Pro Tip: AdultFriendFinder’s userbase is so large that you’ll want to be perfectly open about what you’re looking for. This will keep from wasting anyone’s time (including your own). 

Pros:

Perfect for kinks and fetishes
Huge alt community 

Cons:

Somewhat pricey
Limited free membership with lots of ads

5.  Seeking – Best for sugar/kink hybrid

While Seeking has traditionally been focused on sugar relationships, it’s been branching out to try to get more mainstream appeal.

It also just so happens that many older sugar daddy/mommy types tend to be heavy into kinky stuff like BDSM.

So, whether you’re looking for a sugar relationship or not, Seeking might be worth your time. It’s one of the fastest growing online dating communities around. 

Pro Tip: Keep in mind that Seeking has historically focused on sugar relationships, so the site may generally skew in that direction.  

Pros:

Women can sign up free
Men have a nice woman-to-man ratio
Good way for BDSM lovers to find a partner

Cons:

Pricey (for men)
May not be a good bet if you don’t want a sugar relationship

6.  Tinder – Best mainstream app

Tinder as a BDSM app? Yes, actually.

This app doesn’t need much introduction as it’s pretty much the biggest dating app in the world at this point. The good thing is that means that there’s basically someone for everyone on here.

That said, you’ll have to keep your eye out for specific details (or very honest people) to find other BDSM and kinky types.

Pro Tip: It’s important to realize that not everyone on Tinder is looking for BDSM or even casual hook-ups. So, be clear about your expectations to avoid disappointment.

Pros:

Ridiculously high number of users
Many people looking for alternative connections 

Cons:

Tons of bots and scammers 
Almost too big of a userbase

7.  Ashley Madison – Best for kink polyamory

Ashley Madison is well known as the site that proposes you have an affair (their motto is literally “Life is short. Have an affair.”).

So, you know what you’re getting with Ashley Madison. And it just so happens that lots of people want to find kink and BDSM relationships with other people, maybe because they’re in a marriage or relationship where they can’t get that.

In any case, Ashley Madison is all about discretion and there are many types of people on there. So, it’s probably worth a shot! 

Pro Tip: Choose to get more credits at once if you want a better cost-per-credit ratio. (This style of credit system is pretty popular on BDSM and hookup sites.) 

Pros:

Women sign up free
Discretion is highly prioritized
People tend to not cast judgment 

Cons:

Ethically dubious site
Can get pricey (for men) 

8.  Pure App – Best for fantasy fetishes

Pure is not too unlike Ashley Madison in that they really emphasize the idea of “shameless dating.” So, you definitely don’t have to worry about whatever kink or fetish you might be into here.

What this means is that Pure can be a great option for people who are into BDSM and other kinks and fetishes that aren’t so mainstream. 

The Pure app also has some nice features built in that help promote security and safety.

Pro Tip: If you’re not in a major urban area, then you may have trouble finding people who you can meet up with locally, since Pure doesn’t have nearly the userbase that a Tinder or AdultFriendFinder has.  

Pros:

Privacy prioritized
Easy to get started
Good for kinks and fetishes

Cons:

Not great for people in small communities
Fair amount of scammers and bots

9.  BDSM.com – Best for beginners 

BDSM.com boasts nearly 900,000 active members, giving it a solid claim to being one of the top kink community and personals sites around.

Unfortunately, it’s competing with quite a lot of these sites (see below), and it doesn’t quite do anything particularly well to stand out from the pack. It does have groups for different kinks, though, which can speed things along nicely. 

Pro Tip: Make good use of the groups feature so you can find like-minded people right away and save yourself some time. 

Pros:

Kink social network
Groups feature speeds things along 

Cons:

Watch for scammers and bot profiles
Doesn’t have quite the userbase of other sites reviewed here

10.  BuddyBang – Most open-minded community

BuddyBang’s name didn’t require a team of rocket scientists to come up with. But you get the point right away, and this site aims to be just as easy to use.

If you’re after a casual hookup, BuddyBang is one of the best places to do it. And since many people who don’t mind a one-night-stand are also kinky, you’ve got a good shot of finding someone who can take you to kinky heaven. 

Pro Tip: People on BuddyBang can be downright thirsty, so be prepared for that. 

Pros:

Enthusiastic userbase
Intuitive to use

Cons:

Free tier is loaded with ads
People can be excessively thirsty 

11.  Reddit r/BDSMpersonals – Best free option

Reddit is not just home to cat forums and endless “Am I the Asshole?” posts. It’s also got a lot of NSFW sites, including r/BDSMpersonals.

If you’re looking for a low-risk way to find other BDSM people, then give this a try. After all, it will cost you absolutely nothing. So, simply make a post or browse others to find people to DM. 

Pro Tip: When you post here, you’re making a virtual first impression, so take some time and do a good job of it.  

Pros:

100% free
Low-risk way of finding other BDSM-minded people

Cons:

Not the most active community on Reddit
May have trouble finding people in your area

12.  BDSM Singles – Best female-to-male ratio

BDSM singles is pretty much as advertised, a dating site for people into BDSM. So, if that’s you, then you’ll definitely feel like you’re in the right place.

BDSM wins points for its niche focus, since that’s what you’re here for, right? That said, it also means that it has a relatively small community at the moment, which can mean it’s harder to find dates (particularly in your area). 

Pro Tip: With a small community, BDSM Singles may not yield a lot of local results for you, particularly if you’re in a small community. 

Pros:

Unique tools
BDSM focused

Cons:

Relatively small userbase so far
May have trouble finding people in your area

13.  Fetster – Best for discretion

Fetster may have an old-school site, but it’s a great community for fetish-minded individuals. It also wins points for prioritizing discretion, which is usually welcomed by most people pursuing BDSM and fetish relationships online.

While not one of the largest BDSM communities online, it’s still sizable enough that it could very well be worth your time to check out. 

Pro Tip: Don’t get turned off by the old-school site. While it could use a tuning up, it still has everything you need to find other people with your fetishes and kinks.  

Pros:

Big community
100% focused on fetishes

Cons:

Site could use some updating

14.  Bondage Pal – Best for bondage

Bondage Pal is pretty straightforward: it’s your pal if you’re into bondage. Although it features a rather small community at present, it would appear to be growing quickly.

So, if you’re into bondage, then you should definitely give Bondage Pal a try. It’s really nice having a platform dedicated to your specific kink, and not always available, so take advantage of it!

Pro Tip: Bondage Pal is all about bondage, so if you’re not into bondage, then look elsewhere. 

Pros:

Perfect if you’re into the “B” of BDSM
Some unique features 

Cons:

Super specific niche
Site could use some work 

15.  Feeld – Best polyamory/kink hybrid platform

Feeld specifically focuses on allowing people to find a partner or partners for a threesome. But guess what? The kind of people who are more likely to go for a threesome are more adventurous sexually in general, meaning that they’re also more likely to be into BDSM and other kinky stuff.

So, while you do need to be looking for a threesome on Feeld, you might also meet people with your same fetishes or kinks. In any case, it’s worth a shot! This is a judgment-free zone with a very modern app. 

Pro Tip: Unfortunately, the sign-up process requires Facebook, so keep that in mind. 

Pros:

Very open-minded platform
Sex-positive all the way around 

Cons:

Facebook required to sign up
Apple users only for premium version 

BDSM Dating Site FAQ

Is it safe to use BDSM apps?

Yes, it’s safe to use BDSM sites and apps. You just have to use common sense and remember to never share personal information with strangers online. That’s just a good way to get scammed or have your identity stolen. 

How do you stay safe using BDSM apps?

Staying safe when using a BDSM app is basically the same as staying safe when using any online dating site or app. You have to use common sense, trust your gut instinct, and follow some basic safety procedures. For example, meet in public the first time, tell someone you trust where you’re going, etc. 

Are there any free BDSM sites?

Yes, there are a number of free BDSM sites, particularly if you are a woman. There’s also Reddit’s r/BDSMpersonals, which is free for everyone. 

Can women use BDSM sites for free?

Yes, actually. On a number of BDSM sites, including some of those reviewed above, women can sign up for free.  

Final Takeaway

BDSM may have become a bit more mainstream thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, but it’s still not the easiest thing in the world to find in your own romantic life.

That said, it’s never been easier thanks to the internet. The BDSM sites and apps that we’ve reviewed above make it a breeze to get your kink and freak on with people from your local community and around the world.

So, what are you waiting for? Find the kink dating site or app that works best for you and enjoy!

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15 Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps for Fetish Dating in 2022on December 7, 2022 at 7:52 am Read More »

We keep us safeon December 7, 2022 at 3:31 pm

This exhibition is a much needed reminder of our interconnectedness in the face of the toxic individualism touted by much of contemporary American culture. It explores the increasing overlaps between artistic practice, mutual aid, and political activism. The title,“For Each Other,” references the ways the included artists “consider care in their work and in the contexts they create for their work,” writes exhibition curator Lorelei Stewart. Care, a word that has thankfully reentered cultural discourse as of late, takes many forms here: prompts for audience self-reflection, bowls for sharing soup, publications about resource sharing, flyers calling for community volunteers, multiple seated reflection spaces, and so on. Some of the works are straightforwardly interactive, some abstractly encourage rest and reflection. Unsurprisingly, given the communal conceit of the show, several collaborations and collectives are featured.

 “For Each Other”Through 12/17: Tue-Fri 10 AM-5 PM, Sat 12-5 PM, Gallery 400, 400 S. Peoria, gallery400.uic.edu

A striking installation by Kennedy Healy and Marley Molkentin titled Care is the standout. The series depicts their relationship as personal care assistant and receiver of care services and grapples with, as Molkentin tells me in a joint interview, “how broken our state care system truly is.” Both artists are invested in social justice, disability justice, and media production, and are driven to make work that calls attention to what they call “violence framed as care.” (Healy runs a disability media company, Crip Crap, that creates work about disability by and for disabled people.) This refers to, says Healy, “state in-home care and many other institutions like psychiatric wards, group homes, work programs, nursing homes, etc. that claim to offer care but often strip people of their rights, autonomy, and dignity in exchange.”

This room-sized installation of several distinct works thoughtfully documents the logistics of the daily interactions between the two artists but goes beyond simply archiving them. Materials used include the logistical accoutrements of medical care: time sheets that document Molkentin’s hours worked, continuous positive airway pressure gear, and catheters. Stunning portraits of the two of them throughout their daily routine, printed large, are hung salon-style across a single wall. These include a nude portrait of Healy in a pink-tiled shower; her pose is a supported contrapposto, reminiscent of Botticelli’s Venus. There is also an image of Molkentin guiding Healy in a Hoyer lift sling (an assistive device used to transport patients with mobility issues) adjacent to a suspended life-sized figure sculpture—made of medical bills—also seated in a Hoyer lift sling. Though there is tenderness in the interactions between the two, the works bluntly recount the reality of living with a disability in the state of Illinois and make clear the need for social reform and increased community support. 

Latham Zearfoss’s video installation Grant Us Serenity explores infrastructures of care while emphasizing the healing power of pleasure. Zearfoss invites the viewer into a relaxation cave with a sumptuous padded rug and tree stumps to sit on. The lights are dim, and both the walls and floor are a soothing blue. Projected on the wall is a cerulean sky occasionally interrupted by a passing cloud or bird—which fades to lavender at the end of a five-minute loop. (This was shot at the experimental residency Poor Farm.) The soundtrack is a gentle, ambient compilation of field recordings taken near the artist’s home, including a wind chime and a freight train. The room encourages both emotional and physical presence and reminds the viewer that rest can function as both self-care and resistance, especially if you are queer, BIPOC, or part of an otherwise marginalized or vulnerable population.

Latham Zearfoss, still from Grant Us Serenity, 2022, looping video, stereo sound, sections of a dead maple tree, hand-dyed deadstock velvet, recycled carpet padding, 5:00 mins.

Zearfoss offers the viewer an intermission from the exhaustion of being sentient in the world today. In addition to creating a quiet, meditative moment in the midst of—as the artist describes—a “very text-heavy and thematically heavy” exhibition, this work also brings up the relational politics of space and power: who gets it, who doesn’t, who needs to cede more in public discourse (usually the person in the room with the most privilege). Zearfoss writes, “I thought of this as a supportive gesture to the viewer but also to my fellow artists, who are doing such important work. Sometimes fading into the background is the most powerful thing we can do.”

Zearfoss’s positing a world in which all public spaces include zone-out rooms echoes the cheeky installation by Real Fake Artists, Inc., a collective of six recent University of Illinois Chicago (UIC) grads (Gallery 400 is housed at UIC). The Stuff Is Fake but the Need Is Real consists of playful cardboard renderings of a proposed student lounge, to be hypothetically housed in the same building as the gallery. Public spaces can be forms of care, amenities for students at a public institution can be forms of care, and—as frequently espoused in the transformative and restorative justice movements—constructive criticism can also be forms of care (for more on this, see adrienne maree brown’s writings on the topic). Institutional critique is alive and well; long live institutional critique!

Kathleen Hinkel, The Love Shack Love Fridge at 2751 W. 21st Street near Little Village, 2021, color photograph, courtesy The Love Fridge Chicago and the photographer

There is more than one art world in Chicago, and it was great to see some nontraditional works and spaces outside the constellation of usual suspects. I am talking mostly about The Love Fridge, an incredible food-access and neighborhood beautification initiative launched at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic—now boasting 24 locations. The refrigerators, and often accompanying pantry shelves, are painted to reflect the neighborhood in which they are located. The organization’s rallying cry, “solidarity is not charity,” makes the argument that providing food to a neighbor in need is not an extraordinarily philanthropic act but a basic gesture of community support. Their mission reads: “Feeding oneself is not a privilege but a right.” Especially during times of collective tragedy, we really aren’t meant to go it alone. 

This show was generous with both public programming and ephemera, and I left with a tote full of treasures (of course following The Love Fridge ethos “take what you need/leave what you can”). My favorite was the zine Take Me With You: Waiting Room Edition by the UIC Disability Cultural Center Community Care Cohort. It reads, “Have an upcoming doctor’s appointment? Take this zine with you!”—the compiled poems, coloring pages, games, tips, and other enrichments are designed to “alleviate the wait and anxiety of waiting rooms.”

This exhibition’s series of gentle gestures in both intimate and public places act as a handbook for how we can keep each other well-cared for. I left with zines, recipes, resources, and a renewed curiosity in what the future of mutual aid and community care looks like in Chicago—where we keep us safe.

Gallery 400 offers accessibility measures that should be standard in public cultural spaces. Here are some best practices courtesy of Stewart: -Engage with folks in the disability art and activism communities. Healy offers consulting services on creating disability friendly media through Crip Crap. -Put captions on all videos.-Provide verbal descriptions of every artwork and all exhibition texts available both in audio recordings and on a dedicated screen readable webpage.-Present virtual tours of the exhibition. Partner with disability community leaders, artists and/or activists when doing so. Always provide ASL interpretation and CART captioning.

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We keep us safeon December 7, 2022 at 3:31 pm Read More »

Hey, it’s getting warm in here!Deanna Isaacson December 7, 2022 at 4:41 pm

Peter Friederici has a history in these pages. In 1987, the Chicago native—then a recent Northwestern University graduate with a bachelor’s degree in comparative literature and no clear path to a career—got hired as a Reader editorial assistant. He spent two years in that job, working under editors Michael Lenehan and Alison True. Now an established environmental author and a professor at Northern Arizona University, he credits those two years with teaching him how to be a journalist.

“Chicago was an endless source of stories, and proofreading every week was a great way to learn to write and edit. You see what everybody’s doing—it’s a little bit like seeing everybody’s dirty laundry—and you see how things can be improved,” Friederici recalls. “It gave me a potential outlet, and the Reader had that wonderful freedom—you could write about something that most people would view as obscure.”

A hefty piece on the demise of prairie chickens and another about a walk through the Volo Bog are representative of numerous stories he contributed to the Reader during those years, and subsequently as a freelancer. Concern for the natural world has been a through line in his writing, some of it done during a seven-year stint as a field biologist; at NAU he teaches rookie scientists how to better communicate about their work. His latest book, Beyond Climate Breakdown: Envisioning New Stories of Radical Hope, published this fall by MIT Press, is a sweeping and often eloquent 143-page essay on our biggest and most neglected problem: this overheating planet, “our own Frankenstein.”  

In brief, the greenhouse gases that industrialization has released into the atmosphere are destroying the stable climate that’s made human existence possible. We’ve known this since at least the 1980s but have failed to do anything significant to halt it. “[W]hat is the matter with a society that would willingly destroy its own future in this way?” is the question Friederici addresses.

His answer is unexpectedly literary and deeply political. We need to change the story around it, he says, starting with the nomenclature (“breakdown” rather than climate “change”) and extending to the highly individualistic Western cultural narrative that shapes the way we think about our country, our government, and ourselves. This is not an issue any one person is going to be able to fix, no matter how dutifully we recycle or how often we bike instead of driving—though we need to keep doing those things too. Climate breakdown is a problem that requires collective action at the federal and international levels, and, Friederici says, that’s going to mean shedding our entrenched myths of heroic individualism.  

Arguing that individualistic narratives are inherently tragic and that tragedy entails foregone conclusions, he says we need to “step out of the yoke of the narratives whose comfortable weight we have allowed to settle on us over centuries,” including the extreme free-market ideals that grew out of the postwar period, and find more open-ended, “regenerative stories” that link us to something even older: the closer connection with nature (and each other) characteristic of many Indigenous cultures.  

“Just providing more facts to people seldom makes much of a difference,” Friederici says by phone from Flagstaff. “Especially when we start talking about challenging topics like climate change—or vaccination. We’ve all seen that play out in recent years. However much good information is out there, it’s really hard to change minds and practices.

“The 2015 Paris Agreement set a limit on warming to 1.5 degrees Celsius [above the base level set in 1880]. Beyond that, things are going to get exponentially worse. We’re already more than two-thirds of the way there, and our greenhouse gas emissions have not slowed down. It doesn’t look promising.” 

He concludes the book with a few reasons for hope, including technological innovation, the pursuit of legal liability for fossil fuel companies (which have profited by degrading the environment while promoting climate-change denial), and “the rapidly growing engagement of today’s youth.”

But, he says, “So much damage has been done already. We can have a climate breakdown future that’s really bad, or we can have a climate breakdown future that’s less bad. Where we have the choice is how bad do we let it get, and how creative do we get about solutions.”  

“We stand on a knife edge of history,” he writes, “still able to choose a path better than that of inertia . . . ”

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Hey, it’s getting warm in here!Deanna Isaacson December 7, 2022 at 4:41 pm Read More »

Doff we now our gay apparelDan Jakeson December 7, 2022 at 5:19 pm

There are two Christmas pantomimes based upon 19th-century fables currently playing on Chicago stages, and unless Mary Zimmerman has been up to some dramatic retooling, it’s safe to assume this is the only one that features crotch sparks. Producer Jaq Seifert’s cheeky, irreverent holiday-themed burlesque revue returns for its sixth edition and first back from a two-year pandemic hiatus, this round in a nightclub-styled space upstairs at the Greenhouse Theater Center.

The Buttcracker: A Nutcracker Burlesque Through 12/31: Thu-Sat 8 PM, Sun 3 PM; also Sat 12/31 9 PM, no performances Sat-Sun 12/24-12/25; Greenhouse Theater Center, 2257 N. Lincoln, 773-404-7336, thebuttcrackerburlesque.com or greenhousetheater.org, $30-$50 general admission (industry and SRO $20, VIP $75-$100, which includes stageside table, private VIP bar, meet and greet with artists, and show merchandise); NYE $60-$100 general admission, $150-$200 VIP. 18+ (21+ to drink)

If a glitzy, rouged, politely horny retelling of Tchaikovsky’s ballet seems like an odd bird of a holiday theater offering, knowing its debut home—the defunct Uptown Underground space, operating today as The Baton Show Lounge—may help contextualize it as the high-energy, campy cabaret offering that it is. This year’s iteration, featuring set design by Gabrielle Strong and lighting by Samuel Stephen, does a remarkable job of transferring that essential lounge bar vibe to what is otherwise a traditional theater black box venue.

Director Miguel Long’s production, with choreography by Dylan Kerr, works hard to earn a spot on the naughty list, but there’s no denying it runs off a heart of gold, serving up pasties and feather fans and risquéness without raunch. Long’s Buttcracker is an inviting and joyfully queer experience that celebrates beards and heels and tits and bellies and butts in any and all combinations, then decks them in holly. Elena Avila (Clara), Olivia Lindsay (Buttcracker), and Claire Francescon (Drosselmeyer) make for charismatic guides, and the show’s lineup promises a rotating billing of magicians and circus acts and dancers.

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Doff we now our gay apparelDan Jakeson December 7, 2022 at 5:19 pm Read More »

A very Austen holidayKelly Kleimanon December 7, 2022 at 5:36 pm

Playwrights Lauren Gunderson and Margot Melcon wrap up their Pride and Prejudice fan fiction trilogy with Georgiana and Kitty, once more bringing to the center of the action characters peripheral in Jane Austen’s book. In this case, we’re dealing with the sister of Mr. Darcy and the youngest of the Bennet sisters. Naturally, the story is a romance, but it’s also something of a feminist tract as it focuses on Georgiana’s musical gifts and her determination that they not be dismissed just because she’s a woman. And naturally, Darcy (fiercely embodied by Yousof Sultani) can be counted on to interfere with her happiness, whether personal or professional.  

Georgiana & Kitty: Christmas at Pemberley Through 12/24: Wed 1 and 7:30 PM, Thu 7:30 PM, Fri 8 PM, Sat 2:30 and 8 PM, Sun 2:30 PM; also Tue 12/20 7:30 PM and Fri 12/23 2:30 PM, Sat 12/24 2:30 PM only; open captions and ASL interpretation Fri 12/16, open captions and audio description Sat 12/17 2:30 PM; North Shore Center for the Performing Arts, 9501 Skokie Blvd., Skokie, 847-673-6300, northlight.org, $30-$89 ($15 students pending availability)

As with every rom-com, the plot is not the point, and the only longueurs occur when our heroines insist on attention to their project rather than their relationships. This is particularly the case with Georgiana (the adorable Janyce Caraballo) and her painfully shy beau Henry Gray (Erik Hellman, so delightfully awkward that it’s easy to imagine the audience feeling as smitten as Georgiana). When Henry disappears for most of act two and the Women’s Music Society takes his place, even devout feminists might miss him. And the wooing of Kitty (Samantha Newcomb, charming and suitably bossy) by Thomas O’Brien (Nate Santana, just as charming and cheerfully feckless) goes from flirtation to marriage during intermission, which seems like a false economy.

But these quibbles are beside the point, as the play is a thoroughly finished product co-commissioned by Northlight and theater companies in Minneapolis and California and enjoying a rolling world premiere at each of them. Marti Lyons’s production, particularly the music by Christopher Kriz which holds such a central role in the love story, is impeccable. You don’t need to have seen the other plays to enjoy this one, though if you have you’ll enjoy the notion that the others are taking place simultaneously, just offstage. That makes Christmas at Pemberley a sort of dramaturgical layer cake—a delicious one.

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A very Austen holidayKelly Kleimanon December 7, 2022 at 5:36 pm Read More »

The Golden Girls camp up ChristmasJosh Flanderson December 7, 2022 at 5:51 pm

Now in its 21st year, Hell in a Handbag Productions has a ridiculously hilarious new show playing at the Center on Halsted in their The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes series subtitled The Obligatory Holiday Special. With the holidays looming, December is a time to see happy, funny shows, and Golden Girls does not disappoint. Playwright and perennial Dorothy, David Cerda, has crafted a comedy with just the right balance of melodrama and humor, paying homage to one of the best-written TV shows of all time. 

The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes—The Obligatory Holiday Special Through 12/30: Thu-Sat 7:30 PM, Sun 3 PM; also Sun 12/18 7 PM and Wed 12/21 7 PM; no performances Sat 12/10 and 12/24 or Sun 12/25; Hoover-Leppen Theatre at Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, handbagproductions.org, $29 advanced general admission, $34 at the door, $48 VIP/reserved seating with drink ticket

Dorothy and the gals learn that the Shady Pines Retirement Community is closing, and they need to save Sophia’s friends from being homeless on Christmas. Ryan Oates is uproarious as the acerbic-tongued Sophia, trying to help her friend Nancy Drew avoid losing her home (a fantastic Robert-Eric West, stepping in to understudy for Danne W. Taylor). Grant Drager nails the naughty Blanche (pun intended), and Ed Jones is delightful as the dim-witted Rose, who may not make it to the St. Olaf Herring Bowl Parade.

Cerda captures the essence of the original show, including working with seasoned actors who elevate this work to more than just campy sketches under Spenser Davis’s direction. But don’t be fooled—he keeps it smartly self-aware. It’s essentially a light piece of nostalgia from a less-informed time, and Cerda and the company enjoy playing with that motif. Cerda even sprinkles in a deftly written talent show, allowing his actors to showcase their singing abilities with comical Christmas and Hanukkah songs.

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The Golden Girls camp up ChristmasJosh Flanderson December 7, 2022 at 5:51 pm Read More »

Listen to The Ben Joravsky ShowBen Joravskyon December 7, 2022 at 8:50 pm

Reader senior writer Ben Joravsky riffs on the day’s stories with his celebrated humor, insight, and honesty, and interviews politicians, activists, journalists and other political know-it-alls. Presented by the Chicago Reader, the show is available by 4 p.m. Tuesdays through Fridays at chicagoreader.com/joravsky—or wherever you get your podcasts. Don’t miss Oh, What a Week!–the Friday feature in which Ben & producer Dennis (aka, Dr. D.) review the week’s top stories. Also, bonus interviews drop on Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays. 

Chicago Reader podcasts are recorded on Shure microphones. Learn more at Shure.com.

With support from our sponsors

Chicago Reader senior writer Ben Joravsky discusses the day’s stories with his celebrated humor, insight, and honesty on The Ben Joravsky Show.


The Florida strategy

MAGA’s attempt to scare white voters into voting against Pritzker didn’t work so well, to put it mildly.


It worked!

Leasing CHA land to the Chicago Fire is part of a longstanding plan to gentrify the city.


MAGA flip-flops

Men from Blago to Bolduc are trying to sing a new song.

Read More

Listen to The Ben Joravsky ShowBen Joravskyon December 7, 2022 at 8:50 pm Read More »

15 Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps for Fetish Dating in 2022

Whether you’ve never tried BDSM (which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) before, or you’re experienced in engaging in all kinds of fetishes, there’s a site or app out there for you!

Yes, thanks to the internet, you can pursue your wildest fantasies—or even just relatively mild ones—and connect with strangers from all over the world to get your kink on. 

There are numerous BDSM social network-type sites as well as more conventional online dating apps. So, keep reading to learn more about our top fetish and kink positive dating site recommendations and figure out which one makes the most sense for you!

Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps in 2022

RankSiteBest For1.ALT Best overall BDSM dating site2.Fetish.comOld school kink positive experience3.FetLifeBest BDSM community4.AdultFriendFinderLargest alt user base5.SeekingBest sugar/kink combination6.TinderKink dating with a mainstream veneer7.Ashley MadisonBest for polyamorous8.Pure AppBest for fantasies9.BDSM.comBest for first-timers10.BuddyBang Most open-minded11.Reddit BDSMFree option12.BDSM SinglesBest female-to-male ratio13.FetsterBest for discretion14.Bondage PalBest bondage kink site15.FeeldBest poly/kink hybrid

1.  ALT – Best for alternative and BDSM 

ALT is short for alternative, meaning that you’ll be right at home here if you like to get your kink and your freak on. No matter what your fetish, you can likely find a person (or people!) for you on ALT. 

It’s truly liberating using ALT since you can really just be yourself. It boasts a huge community of alt-minded people, so finding other like-minded individuals is a breeze.

Pro Tip: If you’re just starting out with BDSM and kink culture, then ALT may be a little bit intense. 

Pros:

Sorting by kink
NSFW content to peruse (e.g. cam shows)

Cons:

There are some fake profiles, bots, scammers, etc.
Limited use without premium account 

2.  Fetish.com  – The original fetish community

Fetish.com is all about being “the kink-positive BDSM community for fetish dating.” You pretty much have the whole idea right there. Like FetLife and other platforms reviewed here, they basically want to be the go-to social network for kinky types.

If you really want to just let loose and be yourself and find like-minded individuals, then fetish.com is definitely worth checking out. 

Pro Tip: Fetish.com also has regional sites, which can be handy if you’re looking to make local connections. 

Pros:

All about fetishes and kinks
Friendly online community 

Cons:

Some old and deactivated accounts
Less than intuitive site

3. FetLife – Best BDSM community

FetLife isn’t just a fetish dating site, it also wants to be the world’s best BDSM community. And we have to say, with 10 million members, they’re doing a pretty damn good job. 

Selling themselves as “Like Facebook, but run yb kinksters like you and me,” FetLife competes with sites such as Fetish.com and BDSM.com in trying to offer a way for like-minded individuals to not just date but also casually socialize.

Since FetLife has a niche purpose and a large userbase, your chances of finding people you can jive with are pretty great. 

Pro Tip: Use the variety of handy filters and groups on FetLife for best results! 

Pros:

Many filters and group options
Socially focused

Cons:

Not everyone will be looking for dating and romantic situations
Large userbase but a fair amount of inactive and bot profiles 

4. Adult FriendFinder – Largest alt community

Although it isn’t necessarily only focused on BDSM, AdultFriendFinder is a top choice for many kinksters out there. That’s because it’s one of the best overall alternative communities in the world!

You see, AdultFriendFinder has been around for quite some time and grown a massive alt community thanks to that being their primary focus. Now, you can count on finding just about any type of BDSM kink or fetish you can think of. 

So, whatever you might be looking for, there’s a good chance AdultFriendFinder has it.

Pro Tip: AdultFriendFinder’s userbase is so large that you’ll want to be perfectly open about what you’re looking for. This will keep from wasting anyone’s time (including your own). 

Pros:

Perfect for kinks and fetishes
Huge alt community 

Cons:

Somewhat pricey
Limited free membership with lots of ads

5.  Seeking – Best for sugar/kink hybrid

While Seeking has traditionally been focused on sugar relationships, it’s been branching out to try to get more mainstream appeal.

It also just so happens that many older sugar daddy/mommy types tend to be heavy into kinky stuff like BDSM.

So, whether you’re looking for a sugar relationship or not, Seeking might be worth your time. It’s one of the fastest growing online dating communities around. 

Pro Tip: Keep in mind that Seeking has historically focused on sugar relationships, so the site may generally skew in that direction.  

Pros:

Women can sign up free
Men have a nice woman-to-man ratio
Good way for BDSM lovers to find a partner

Cons:

Pricey (for men)
May not be a good bet if you don’t want a sugar relationship

6.  Tinder – Best mainstream app

Tinder as a BDSM app? Yes, actually.

This app doesn’t need much introduction as it’s pretty much the biggest dating app in the world at this point. The good thing is that means that there’s basically someone for everyone on here.

That said, you’ll have to keep your eye out for specific details (or very honest people) to find other BDSM and kinky types.

Pro Tip: It’s important to realize that not everyone on Tinder is looking for BDSM or even casual hook-ups. So, be clear about your expectations to avoid disappointment.

Pros:

Ridiculously high number of users
Many people looking for alternative connections 

Cons:

Tons of bots and scammers 
Almost too big of a userbase

7.  Ashley Madison – Best for kink polyamory

Ashley Madison is well known as the site that proposes you have an affair (their motto is literally “Life is short. Have an affair.”).

So, you know what you’re getting with Ashley Madison. And it just so happens that lots of people want to find kink and BDSM relationships with other people, maybe because they’re in a marriage or relationship where they can’t get that.

In any case, Ashley Madison is all about discretion and there are many types of people on there. So, it’s probably worth a shot! 

Pro Tip: Choose to get more credits at once if you want a better cost-per-credit ratio. (This style of credit system is pretty popular on BDSM and hookup sites.) 

Pros:

Women sign up free
Discretion is highly prioritized
People tend to not cast judgment 

Cons:

Ethically dubious site
Can get pricey (for men) 

8.  Pure App – Best for fantasy fetishes

Pure is not too unlike Ashley Madison in that they really emphasize the idea of “shameless dating.” So, you definitely don’t have to worry about whatever kink or fetish you might be into here.

What this means is that Pure can be a great option for people who are into BDSM and other kinks and fetishes that aren’t so mainstream. 

The Pure app also has some nice features built in that help promote security and safety.

Pro Tip: If you’re not in a major urban area, then you may have trouble finding people who you can meet up with locally, since Pure doesn’t have nearly the userbase that a Tinder or AdultFriendFinder has.  

Pros:

Privacy prioritized
Easy to get started
Good for kinks and fetishes

Cons:

Not great for people in small communities
Fair amount of scammers and bots

9.  BDSM.com – Best for beginners 

BDSM.com boasts nearly 900,000 active members, giving it a solid claim to being one of the top kink community and personals sites around.

Unfortunately, it’s competing with quite a lot of these sites (see below), and it doesn’t quite do anything particularly well to stand out from the pack. It does have groups for different kinks, though, which can speed things along nicely. 

Pro Tip: Make good use of the groups feature so you can find like-minded people right away and save yourself some time. 

Pros:

Kink social network
Groups feature speeds things along 

Cons:

Watch for scammers and bot profiles
Doesn’t have quite the userbase of other sites reviewed here

10.  BuddyBang – Most open-minded community

BuddyBang’s name didn’t require a team of rocket scientists to come up with. But you get the point right away, and this site aims to be just as easy to use.

If you’re after a casual hookup, BuddyBang is one of the best places to do it. And since many people who don’t mind a one-night-stand are also kinky, you’ve got a good shot of finding someone who can take you to kinky heaven. 

Pro Tip: People on BuddyBang can be downright thirsty, so be prepared for that. 

Pros:

Enthusiastic userbase
Intuitive to use

Cons:

Free tier is loaded with ads
People can be excessively thirsty 

11.  Reddit r/BDSMpersonals – Best free option

Reddit is not just home to cat forums and endless “Am I the Asshole?” posts. It’s also got a lot of NSFW sites, including r/BDSMpersonals.

If you’re looking for a low-risk way to find other BDSM people, then give this a try. After all, it will cost you absolutely nothing. So, simply make a post or browse others to find people to DM. 

Pro Tip: When you post here, you’re making a virtual first impression, so take some time and do a good job of it.  

Pros:

100% free
Low-risk way of finding other BDSM-minded people

Cons:

Not the most active community on Reddit
May have trouble finding people in your area

12.  BDSM Singles – Best female-to-male ratio

BDSM singles is pretty much as advertised, a dating site for people into BDSM. So, if that’s you, then you’ll definitely feel like you’re in the right place.

BDSM wins points for its niche focus, since that’s what you’re here for, right? That said, it also means that it has a relatively small community at the moment, which can mean it’s harder to find dates (particularly in your area). 

Pro Tip: With a small community, BDSM Singles may not yield a lot of local results for you, particularly if you’re in a small community. 

Pros:

Unique tools
BDSM focused

Cons:

Relatively small userbase so far
May have trouble finding people in your area

13.  Fetster – Best for discretion

Fetster may have an old-school site, but it’s a great community for fetish-minded individuals. It also wins points for prioritizing discretion, which is usually welcomed by most people pursuing BDSM and fetish relationships online.

While not one of the largest BDSM communities online, it’s still sizable enough that it could very well be worth your time to check out. 

Pro Tip: Don’t get turned off by the old-school site. While it could use a tuning up, it still has everything you need to find other people with your fetishes and kinks.  

Pros:

Big community
100% focused on fetishes

Cons:

Site could use some updating

14.  Bondage Pal – Best for bondage

Bondage Pal is pretty straightforward: it’s your pal if you’re into bondage. Although it features a rather small community at present, it would appear to be growing quickly.

So, if you’re into bondage, then you should definitely give Bondage Pal a try. It’s really nice having a platform dedicated to your specific kink, and not always available, so take advantage of it!

Pro Tip: Bondage Pal is all about bondage, so if you’re not into bondage, then look elsewhere. 

Pros:

Perfect if you’re into the “B” of BDSM
Some unique features 

Cons:

Super specific niche
Site could use some work 

15.  Feeld – Best polyamory/kink hybrid platform

Feeld specifically focuses on allowing people to find a partner or partners for a threesome. But guess what? The kind of people who are more likely to go for a threesome are more adventurous sexually in general, meaning that they’re also more likely to be into BDSM and other kinky stuff.

So, while you do need to be looking for a threesome on Feeld, you might also meet people with your same fetishes or kinks. In any case, it’s worth a shot! This is a judgment-free zone with a very modern app. 

Pro Tip: Unfortunately, the sign-up process requires Facebook, so keep that in mind. 

Pros:

Very open-minded platform
Sex-positive all the way around 

Cons:

Facebook required to sign up
Apple users only for premium version 

BDSM Dating Site FAQ

Is it safe to use BDSM apps?

Yes, it’s safe to use BDSM sites and apps. You just have to use common sense and remember to never share personal information with strangers online. That’s just a good way to get scammed or have your identity stolen. 

How do you stay safe using BDSM apps?

Staying safe when using a BDSM app is basically the same as staying safe when using any online dating site or app. You have to use common sense, trust your gut instinct, and follow some basic safety procedures. For example, meet in public the first time, tell someone you trust where you’re going, etc. 

Are there any free BDSM sites?

Yes, there are a number of free BDSM sites, particularly if you are a woman. There’s also Reddit’s r/BDSMpersonals, which is free for everyone. 

Can women use BDSM sites for free?

Yes, actually. On a number of BDSM sites, including some of those reviewed above, women can sign up for free.  

Final Takeaway

BDSM may have become a bit more mainstream thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, but it’s still not the easiest thing in the world to find in your own romantic life.

That said, it’s never been easier thanks to the internet. The BDSM sites and apps that we’ve reviewed above make it a breeze to get your kink and freak on with people from your local community and around the world.

So, what are you waiting for? Find the kink dating site or app that works best for you and enjoy!

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15 Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps for Fetish Dating in 2022 Read More »