Dear President Trump,

My name is Mary Louise Venter and I want to thank you for being the President of the United States in this terrible time. I have loved you ever since the first year of The Apprentice and I said to my husband Edgar then and there that you should be President. I was right,

You have made America great by telling everyone who real Americans are and doing everything you can to help them. You and your family have even solved tough world problems like Korea and Israel.  And killing Bin-Laden.

And then the China government and those damn Chinese “scientists” had to do this to us, to our beautiful country. First, they pretended all those people were getting sick in Hu-Ha and then they scared our fake-news into panicking America. Closing all the stores over something no worse than the flu. I have never gotten a flu shot and I ain’t died from the flu yet!

I watch your very important and serious news show every night. You bring me so much joy and admiration. I turn the TV off when those other folks come on. They don’t know how to talk to real people like me and Edgar. Do they think we all want to do statistics?

When a few people were getting sick you told people all about the wonderful malaria drug that could cure them. Me and the hubby tried to get some, so we wouldn’t even get sick, but the pharmacist, someone from one of the historically black universities if you get my drift, told us we needed a prescription. I tell you, it is so much easier to get Oxy for my sore back. I read in the paper that some of the sick people who did get it lived, almost as many as who died.  I knew you were right.

So I was thrilled when you told us about a new cure yesterday. We’ve got disinfectants! I went right to the cleaning closet to find them all. I checked the Purell, but that has ethyl alcohol in it. Edgar and me are tea-drinking Evangelicals, so that was no good. But then I found this bottle called Kindly that the preacher had passed out at Easter. It has a bunch of stuff I haven’t heard of but no alcohol. So Edgar just drank a bottle.

I think I’ve gotta go now. Edgar just got awful pale white. His tongue turning blue and I think a little blood is coming out from his nose. He face is red, white and blue. I think he’s dyin’ but we love you President Trump.

Sincerely,

(The Late) Mrs. Edgar Venter

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