Senior Humor/ Senior Moments/ Some Good Laugh’s/ A Break from all the Screeching and Outrage.
today at 12:12 pm
I decided to take a break from all the kerfuffle and goings-on in Washington D.C. this week and expose some humor at the expense of US SENIORS…. If you cannot find at least some humor in the following stories, wait a few decades and they will all make sense. REMEMBER SENIOR JOKES ARE THE FEW REMAINING FEW WE CAN ACTUALLY POLK FUN AT BECAUSE—-MOST OF IT IS TRUE. ENJOY..
A lady helps her husband install a new computer. Once it’s completed, she tells him to select a new password, selecting a word he’ll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife, and with a macho gesture, and a wink in his eye, he selects a word—mypenis. As he hits enter” to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria. The computer had replied— TOO SHORT -ACCESS DENIED—-
- Two elderly people are living in a retirement home in “HAPPILY EVER AFTER “RATAN FLORIDA” he was a widower and she is a widow. They have known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena Club House. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her ‘Will you marry me?” After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered yes, yes I will. The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges they went to their respected places. The next morning he was troubled, did she say yes or did she say no. He couldn’t remember. Try as he might he just could not recall, not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past, as he gained a little bit more courage, he inquired “when I asked you to marry me, did you say yes or did you say no? He was delighted to her say “Why I said yes, yes I will. Then she continued AND I’M SO GLAD YOU CALLED BECAUSE I COULDN’T REMEMBER WHO ASKED ME.”
- Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting in the park every Sunday for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each other’s friendship. One day the younger of the two ladies turn’s to the other and says, please don’t be angry with me dear, but I’m embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I’m trying to remember, but I just can’t. The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for a full 2 minutes and finally with tearful eyes says, HOW SOON DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW.”
- The irate customer calling the newspaper offices loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. Ma’am said the employee today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday. There was a quiet pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition.”SO THAT’S WHY NO ONE WAS IN CHURCH TODAY.”
- An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
- He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
- Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
- He went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic and this is what happened.
- Dr. Young: — “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me?
- Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
- Dr. Young: — Aaagh!! — This is Gasoline!”
- Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
- Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
- Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
- Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
- Dr. Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that’s Gasoline!”
- Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
- Dr. Young (after having lost $1,000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
- Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see!!!”
- Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — Here’s your $1,000 back.”
- Dr. Young: “But this is only $500…”
- Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
- The moral of the story —-just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean you can outsmart an old GEEZER.
- HANG IN THE REST ARE ONE LINERS BY LOTS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE. SOME DEAD SOME JUST OLD.
- I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have facelifts until my ears meet.
- The only way I would take up jogging is so that I could hear HEAVY BREATHING AGAIN.
- Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
- I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.
- I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.
- There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It’s called THE GUILLOTINE.
- My Grandmother was a very tough woman, she buried 3 husbands. Two of them while they were napping.
- At my age flowers scare me.
- A stockbroker urged me to buy stocks that would triple their value every year. I told him at my age I don’t even buy green Bananas.
- You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Whatever you may look like marry a man your own age, as your beauty fades so does his eyesight.
- By the time a man is old enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
- How young can you die of old age?
- He’s so old that when he orders a 3-minute egg they ask for the money upfront.
- Looking 50 is great if your 60.
- TRUE TERROR IS TO WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND DISCOVER THAT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CLASS IS RUNNING THE COUNTRY.