Announcing the First Consecutive “America’s Worst” Awards
Tuesday at 7:00 pm
Throughout the 21st century, our dear nation’s tv screens have been bulging with first-place trophies–both real and metaphoric– in not just the expected contests such as sports, film, journalism, music, etc., but less glowing arenas such as best bass fisherman, best cake baker, best tiger tamer, best daredevil, best bachelor/bachelorette, best survivor, best speller, etc. Are you feeling, as I am, slightly inundated? Don’t you think it just about time–in the interests of unfair play– to start handing out awards to the worst of America.
Hence, I am introducing what I hope will be the first annual “America’s Worst” competition. My esteemed panel is comprised of me and three disttinguished judges who have asked that their names not be mentioned for the respective reasons: “I’m ashamed”, “I’m indifferent”, “I’m terrified of retribution,” Without further fanfare, I humbly present to you the Awards:
Worst Liar: Donald J. Trump: I stopped tracking the fact-checkers disclosures of Trump lies, misinformation, deceptions, dissembling, fictions, exaggerations, dodges, flimflams and whoppers after the totals sped past 20,000 during his presidency
Worst Parent: Donald J. Trump. Can you think of another paren who would put at least three offspring in jeopardy of years of imprisonment? Okay, maybe Ma Barker, but she perished in 1935, which I believe disqualifies her for anything save a posthumous lifetime achievement award.
Worst cousin: Donald J. Trump. I refer you to Mary Trump’s book.
Worst sexual predation denier: Donald J. Trump. What ever happened to the suits Donald was going to file against the armada of women who–before the election–accused him of a cluster of sexual transgressions including rape? Come on, Donald, America is waiting
Worst narcissist: Donald J. Trump. Wouldn’t slip on a mask because he thought it was an unflattering look. Millions followed suit. Tens of thousands perished. To reward this gesture and many other deleterious gestures, he lobbied to have his head carved on Mt. Rushmore. Silly! It’s far to big to fit.
Worst braggart: Donald J. Trump: The stable genius who knows more than the generals, more than Dr. Fauci, more than anybody, except maybe Joseph Shapiro. On another blowhard note: I wonder if he ever tallied the number of genitalia he has grabbed.
Worst author: Donald J. Trump; Though he lays claim to actually writing “Art of the Deal.” the real deal is this: Tony Schwartz wrote it with virtually no input from Donald, the artless dodger. Dozens of times on TV, Schwartz has recounted Trump’s inability to sit still for interviews for more that five minutes. Faced with Trump’s infantile attention span, Schwartz shrugged and plunged ahead with the writing. Is Tony fabricating? Hardly. Trump has never challenged his assertions regarding the real authorship. He simply continues to claim authorship of, next to the Holy Bible(which he’s clearly never read), the greatest book ever written, “The Art of the Deal(which I believe he’s also never read).
Worst narcissist: Donald J. Trump. Never mind that he transmogrifies into a blushing coquette any time anybody powerful flatters him. His most egregious stab at ego inflation came when he wondered whether there was room for his head on Mt. Rushmore. I do not doubt that he suggested that the sculptor carve his visage somewhat larger than the others. After all, who in American history has a bigger head?
Worst employer: Donald J. Trump: After crowing that he knew “the best people” to hire for posts in the Trump government, he has left a wake of hired-and-fired incompetent, crooked gunslingers that litter the swamps of American history. And I haven’t even totted up all his other human-resources botches made up of the numerous crucial Washington positions that have never been filled.
Worst hypocrite: Donald J. Trump: While he courts and curtsies to his drooling Evangelist apostles, nobody has ever reported seeing him in a church, unless there was a media camera in attendance. In short, you’ll only ever see him filling a pew is at a photo op or in photo shop. Trump religious? Not a prayer.
Worst homeland security president: Though he prides himself as the great defender, his record exposes him as the great pretender, as he excoriates high-ranking military officers, CIA operatives, FBI intelligence, while he whispers classified information to Russian officials. In public view! And let’s not ignore his abundantly pervasive bouquets tossed at our military veterans, as he slices away at Veteran’s Administration benefits, and deprives millions of vets of punctually needed, postal service delivered medications Ah, oh yes, there’s that small hiccup when he dismissed any semblance of heroism John Mccain, might own because he “got caught”.
Worst Projector: Donald J. Trump. He should have boned-up on Freud. He is so transparent in his refexive projecing, it amounts to publicize his many flaws. This is how an unhinged idiot becomes a “stable genius.”
Worst bungler: A small sampling: The handling of the Covid 19 virus. The unilateral backing out of agreements like the Climate Accord, the Iranian anti-nuclear treaty, the NATO fiasco, etc. The capitulations, concessions and conciliatory cave-ins to homicidal despots in Russia, North Korea, Turkey, Saudi Arabia and others.
Worst inciter to violence: Donald J Trump: We all remember how he–at one of his rallies–he urged a gaggle of goons to “punch” a dissenter. If you don’t remember that, there’s Charlottesburg and is back-patting approval of a battalion of thugs who embraced the goal of exterminating Jews, Blacks, others of color and (tacitly) the intelligentia.
Worst historian: Donald J. Trump. Between displacing Frederick Douglass and misplacing Word War 11, a whole host of historical inaccuracies, alternative facts and bald delusions sully his personal history of speeches, twitters and off-the-wall remarks.
Worst sloth: Donald J. Trump:His appalling record of tax-squandering golf outings, his yawning refusal to read short briefings, his legendary impatience in listening to experts, his….hell, this dolt is too lazy to bother closing his umbrella.
Worst contractor/ constructor: Donald J. Trump.Half a dozen bankruptcies, shoddy buildings, shady dealings and, of course, there’s the wall with all its shortcomings, lies, illegalities and…Steve Bannon.
Most corrupt: Donald J. Trump: To list all the examples would exhaust me. Lets just say he’s probably committed more contemptibly corrupt acts than all of the preceding Presidents. Combined!
Worst mass murderer. Donald J. Trump Just figure all the citizens who followed his lead and died of Covid-19. Charles Manson, Jeffrey Daumer, Ted Bundy, Jack The Ripper, you’re all bush-leaguers.
Worst cheater: Donald J. Trump. Never mind golf. Never mind Melania. Think of all those Polish illegal aliens who built one of his huge edifices and whom he totally stiffed.
Worst hair style: Donald J. Trump: Is there a doubt? Is the world round? Okay, so thousands of his followers think it’s flat. Who knows, maybe they admire his hair style too.
Biggest schmuck: My cousin Mel gets the gold on this one. Tied for silver and bronze, my two former business partners. Donald J. Trump? Dishonorable mention.
If any one of my42 million followers think I’ve missed a category or two, please feel free to petition for added categories in my “comments’ section.
p.s Suggestions for the category of “Worst Bloggers” will not be accepted.